[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Chosen_Jackal]

The sounding is just plain fun and exciting. It certainly feels good if it’s done correctly, but it’s far from necessary for the milking we’re doing.
It’s more there to make it even kinkier.

I don’t usually get a drop after having a proper ruined orgasm, but I know what you’re talking about. We experienced that in the beginning when we experimented with ruining, but we went at it too fast.
Now we really take our time and get a better feel for when to stop stimulation. Last night I oozed BIG cum shots five or six times with no sensation even close to an orgasm.
It is… pleasant, but I belive it’s more about my mindset than the physical

[Chosen_Jackal]

Not too much to share about these last few days, but I realize I’m coming up on three weeks since my last real release tomorrow.
I’m not horny all the time, but it hits me at random times and it feels like a deep need, but also something that I can push back down for now.
I have noe idea when Red plans to release me, but I have faith that she’ll make it special when it happens.

[Redraven]

You start to talk in you’re sleep again last night. Suspiciously more kink related than before. I think the tree weeks are affecting you in a new and fun way.

[Chosen_Jackal]

What?!? Really?

[Tongue+groove]

And this is how you find out that you talk in your sleep.

[Chosen_Jackal]

And this is how you find out that you talk in your sleep.

I know right?!?

[Chosen_Jackal]

Grieving the Loss of Normal

That probably sounds more dramatic than it really is but the phrase came to me earlier today and stuck.

I feel like I’ve stepped into an entirely new world of sexual exploration and fulfillment with Red as my guiding light. We’ve both agreed that neither of us want to go back to “normal,” whatever that used to be.
We’re more in tune with each other than ever, and the excitement we both feel is far beyond how things used to be.

That said, there are some challenging and strangely liberating truths I’ve had to come to terms with.
The first is that even though I don’t want to go back… I’ve realized I can’t.
From an ego-driven perspective, I just can’t unsee the truth of who I am now.

I’m so happy with my role beneath Red. She’s the leading force in our relationship, and I love submitting to her. I love how we communicate, how we care for each other, and how our sex life has evolved.
I’m fine with the fact that the traditional ways we used to have sex don’t really do it for either of us anymore. But if Red suddenly decided tomorrow that we should drop all signs of D/s and chastity, I know I would struggle.
I’m just not that person anymore. I can’t pretend to be more, or less, than I am.

Red and I have shared truths between us that would be devastating without the safety and structure of this dynamic.
As a man, hearing that you no longer satisfy your partner in the traditional sense is difficult. If we didn’t have this new,and frankly better way of being intimate, I’m pretty sure I would’ve spiraled into self-doubt and shame.

But we do have this.
Red has assured me that she’s more satisfied than ever, and I am too.
Still, it means that the “normal” we once knew is gone.

So in a way, I’ve grieved that loss.
But I’m also celebrating everything we’ve gained.

[Spaceman]

After the last year I can relate absolutely with everything you put so beautifully and I feel in exactly the same position, including being very happy with it.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Today marks three full weeks since I last had an orgasm.

That number should feel like an achievement. Maybe it is. But right now, it mostly feels like a milestone that signals something much bigger. Something I’m not sure I’m ready for but also can’t stop thinking about.

Red told me last night that she ideally wants me to cum less than once a month. That alone made my stomach tighten and my cock strain in its cage. Then she added, so casually it almost slipped past me, that maybe seven or eight orgasms a year is more in line with what she envisions.

Seven or eight.

For a moment I thought she was teasing. But no. She meant it.

I don’t know how to describe what that does to me. I’m terrified. The thought of going that long, again and again, without release? It shakes me. But at the same time, I’ve never been more aroused. I feel it deep in my chest. In my gut. In my cage.

She says she’ll still milk me now and then. Her word, not mine. That means ruined orgasms, where the cum leaks out but the pleasure never lands. I’ve had a few of those. They leave me desperate and aching, but they keep me going. They remind me that something is happening to me. That I’m being shaped, broken in, redefined.

I’ve had five orgasms in all of 2025 so far. Five. And now the idea of only having two or three more for the rest of the year? It makes me feel weak. Small. Owned.

And that’s what she wants, isn’t it?

I’ve given her control of my cock. My pleasure. My orgasms. My release.
And she’s not just rationing them. She’s turning them into events. Rare, precious, withheld until I’m barely myself anymore.

I’m writing this now because I need to ground myself. Because I know she’s planning something for me tonight, and I already know how it ends. I won’t cum. I’m not allowed.

I belong to her.
I exist to serve.
I am locked.
And I am kept.

God, I want to be good for her.
Even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.

[Tongue+groove]

5 for 2025, Red seems to be doing quite well. We really don’t keep count but I’m sure I’m at 3, maybe 4 at the most. I can’t remember my last ruin. I ultimately didn’t care for my last full one. That was when she ‘forced’ me to diy while being punished. Taking the pressure off was good the intensity was a euphoric high but there was no ultimate satisfaction, and no drop. There’s no way I could ever keep count of hers. When she gets going they come in waves like a storm on the ocean.

Btw, ‘forced’ is maybe too strong of a word. I was only forced because I was willing to be. Yes I feel safe at home. It was just that she’s never taken on such a dom role before. It was spumoni with a cherry on top. I got to eat the whole bowl and it wasn’t enough.

I hope your evening with Red goes well.