[newbie] Starting again

[newbie]

nice to read your journey.
Isn't it interesting how if you didn't come for a while spooning is fun and erotic. Can't remember it being that way when i used to do it myself 10x times a week.....

Exactly. I hadn't thought about it like that but yes, you're right. As I settled in spooning this morning I was certainly aroused, and she certainly could tell... . I'm not sure that would have happened if I was still pleasuring myself like I use to.

[newbie]

So on Friday I made the choice to wear the HT to work, and then I met my wife for dinner after. It was a pretty uneventful evening, and then we went to bed with me still wearing the device.

As we started to wake on Saturday we were settled into each other and it felt great, it was nice and warm in the bed and we wrapped up together. Usually if we are going to have sex we do it in the mornings on the weekends as we are generally too tired to do anything in the evenings. As we lied there together I began to play with her tits underneath her pj top. It felt great and I knew she was enjoying it as her nipples were becoming erect. She positioned herself so I had full access to both of her breasts and I took full advantage. This went on for quite a long time and she became more and more aroused. As things progressed I could feel her getting very wet. She was really becoming quite turned on, and stripped out of her pj bottoms. While all this was going on I was still locked in my HT, and could feel the erection trying to grow. Running thru my head was "does she know I'm locked?" "if she doesn't how will she react when she finds out?"....

I decided to press on and before I knew it I had my face down between her thighs as she had made it obvious she wanted me to be down there. She loves oral orgasms, and I love giving them to her. As I went to work her body was begging to arch and her breathing got more erratic. As I lied beside her I could feel her leg rubbing against my device, and I began to press it into her leg.

I was really turned on at this point and made the decision to straddle her chest in the 69 position, comfortable that she had figured out I was wearing the device. At this angle I could really go to town on her, and I felt her playing with my balls and rubbing her hand along the area between my sack and my ass. It was super hot and she eventually came, with quite a lot of vocalizing and shuddering. I could tell she had cum very hard, but I kept at it. I did this for a short while and then retreated into the laying next to her position.

As we lied there she hesitantly reached down and felt for my device. Upon feeling it she pulled her hand back and said "I thought you were wearing that" which I replied yes. She wasn't disgusted or anything, but told me she didn't understand why I would wear it, and that she can't do anything with "it" since it's "in jail" and "closed for business".

She told me that she didn't understand how she can have an orgasm and be done, that she could get up out of bed right now and be done, and that I was so turned on and don't want to cum. I explained that while I enjoy cuming I don't like the let down afterwards, and instead enjoy the feeling of being turned on instead. So wearing the device does that for me. I could tell she felt guilty for not being able to give me an orgasm, so I told her that she could still play with it and I might be able to cum (my mistake for saying that probably) and she said that can't happen because it's "closed for business". She seemed to understand the idea that I like the buildup to an orgasm without actually having one, and while she apparently felt bad about that, it was still a very good sign for me.

She wasn't upset and we eventually got out of bed to start our day. We may have kissed, I don't remember now. We had a birthday party to go to so later in the morning she went to the bathroom to take a shower. I could hear the water running and when I heard it stop I grabbed my clothes and entered the bathroom. She was just climbing out of the shower as I came in and I stripped down to go in. All at once we were both standing there, her drying off and me wearing just my HT. I believe this is one of the only times I stood naked in front of her wearing my device. I usually try and be more secretive. We had been talking about something the whole time and the conversation never missed a beat. While her eyes never went down there I knew she had to know I was wearing it. I was facing her in plain sight. I proceeded to shower and she left. She as in an upbeat mood and seemed happy. As I finished my shower I was just coming out of the tub when the door swung open and she stuck her head in in a playful move. It's generally followed up with a "are you naked?" when she does this, and while she didn't ask that it was the same gesture. I saw her look at me, and then her eyes darted up to the top of the shower door where my freshly washed HT lay. She didn't skip a beat and came in, was in a fun mood and we finished up.

One thing I noticed over the course of the day is that there was more hand holding as we walked to different places, and she would rub my back on occasion when we sat together. Everything just seemed to click, and she was dressed in a pretty sexy outfit for the things we had to go to.

Saturday evening everyone was exhausted so the whole house went to bed early. In the morning I was again in the familiar position of laying against her. She got up and made coffee, let the dog out, and then came back to bed. Yay. I was locked in the HT and wondered if she knew and if I should press my luck and see if we could repeat the morning before. I began to play with her tits a little, and as I kept going she said softly "I'm going to be getting up in just a few minutes" which I understood as "this won't be happening right now" which was fine with me. I was trying for an erection, and I could feel some precum, but I gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her I loved her. She told me she loved me too and eventually climbed out of bed.

I can't help but be excited at how our interaction went about my wearing a device. She actually wasn't turned off by the device itself and was only concerned that she wasn't able to make me cum which she felt guilty about. Hopefully she understands that it's something I want and will view it as such.

She leaves tomorrow for a business trip and won't return until late Thursday, so I'll have to see how things go when she gets back. I'm guardingly optimistic that we've crossed another hurdle, and the fact she was very happy and loving the rest of the weekend was a huge plus.

[newbie]

One thing that I forgot to mention in my previous post was that while she was questioning why I would want to wear the device and not orgasm, I told her that the device was only a toy and that it was only something to play around with, that I could take it off anytime. I also explained that my wearing this won't prevent me from getting erections (when not wearing it obviously ), and that I still get erections, she responded "oh, I know" which made me feel better. For a while I was having problems getting erections due to some sort of performance anxiety which I am hopefully over.

I took this part of our conversation as a positive step.

[Jasmic68]

That sounds really positive, that she wasn't upset with you having the device on. My Wife struggles with guilt in exactly the same way, but she has got to the point that she can now have guilt free orgasms from oral sex whenever she wants. She still cannot deny me when we have PIV sex though, I'm hoping that will happen eventually.

Just remember to take things slow. Think of your secrecy when wearing the device as more of a way of not making it obvious to your wife you have it on than trying to hide what you are doing sneakily. You are being secretive in a positive way.

Keep posting, I am enjoying your journal.

[newbie]

Thanks Jasmic68 for the positive comments, it's nice to know that someone who has read my journal also thinks things are more positive for me these days.

I also appreciate your comments about secrecy in a positive way, that's what I've been trying to do with all this is to not be all "in her face" about wearing the device or anything related to that. Don't make it obvious but also don't intentionally do things behind her back. In my opinion, if I treat it as a part of every day life and not something that only shows up when we're in bed or if I'm all turned on then she will come to accept it as such.

A good case in point was just this morning, again it's nothing overly exciting and is very much vanilla, but can also be seen as a positive. We are getting ready to remodel our half bath and make it a full bath, so yesterday I spent some time tearing out the sink, medicine cabinet, and other things in preparation. It never occurred to me until this morning that that bathroom was where my wife would get ready in the mornings. She would shower in the full bath and then go in the half bath to do her hair, makeup, etc. Obviously now she can't do that so this morning she was still in the bathroom when I went in to shower. I was self locked again last night, so I knew there would be the chance for some interaction with her with me wearing the HT. I went in anyway figuring it's this sort of thing that is going to show me which way our situation is likely to go as far as me being in chastity. She will probably either come to accept it on some level or be repulsed by it.

Anyway, I went in and she was doing her thing, but then remembered that she had to do something and left. I jumped in the shower, removed my HT and cleaned it up. I then put it up on the shower door and proceeded to take my shower. I heard the door open and close again, and she had come back in. She was blow drying her hair when I finished up and opened the door. I had placed the HT on top so it was in an obvious position so I'm sure she had seen it. She continued doing her thing as I dried off and put some clothes on, all the while with the HT in plain view. She once again left and I dried off the device and put it away. We were just chatting away about all sorts of things, mostly her upcoming trip, and she was obviously not offended or upset in the least. When she came back to the bathroom the device was out of sight, out of mind, so that may have helped as well.

I drove her to the airport later and we kissed and said our normal goodbyes and off she went. Now while she's gone I have to be sure not to fall back on my old ways since I'll be having much more alone time. She'll be back late Thursday, so essentially Friday is my goal.

[newbie]

I was just going thru some other Journey entries and started to realize that my wife and I haven't had PIV sex since probably the first of the year or more. I wish I had written the date down last time we did, but I know for a fact that the only sex we've had since 1/24 has been oral. It's been well over a month to say the least.

So, while it's normal for me being a chastity participant and wanting to please my wife without achieving orgasm myself, it is also something that I need to consider with respect to my wife. See, my wife has always enjoyed PIV sex with me, and seldom (if ever) would perform oral on me. I was always under the impression that she preferred PIV sex over oral, and maybe that's still the case, but it seemed to have morphed into her instead performing more oral on me. Like I said, the last few times she's brought me to orgasm have either been from a BJ or a HJ, but not PIV.

I may just be rambling here, but I'm trying to figure out if there's a connection. It's almost as if maybe she was participating in PIV because she knew I liked it, but now with me being locked she seems to be happy receiving oral and then if I'm available (unlocked) either giving me a BJ or HJ.

When we were in bed the other morning, and I had been playing with her tits and getting her wet, it was fairly obvious from her body language and gestures that she was encouraging me to go down on her. There was never a moment when I thought "maybe she wants me to enter her". It wasn't like she was forcing my head down there but more like making it easily accessible to my face, if that makes sense. She has always liked oral, but we both know that if I bring her to orgasm orally then that's it for her, she's done. She really isn't the kind to have several orgasms in different ways.

At any rate, considering she wanted me to go down on her and bring her to orgasm, it would then make sense that she would have been perfectly happy to make me cum by either a BJ or a HJ....if at all. Also, she knew I was locked in the device, she claimed to have been unsure until she reached down and touched it, but remember I was in the 69 position with my ass and crotch practically in her face with her playing with my balls. She had to know I was locked and wouldn't be able to cum. She told me that at that moment (after she had cum and "discovered" I was locked) that she could just get up and out of bed and how that would leave me extremely turned on but unable to do anything about it. She told me that she didn't understand that (which I tried to explain to her as shown in my earlier posts) but when I told her essentially that was the point she didn't have issue with that and almost seemed to accept that.

Could it be that she has become accustomed to receiving oral and achieving orgasm in that way, and if I'm available then she'll return the favor as either BJ or HJ? If not, oh well, at least she got what she wanted? If she no longer feels guilty because it's something I want then things could evolve even more.

[Jasmic68]

I know that the rules are not to comment too often on a journal, to chat elsewhere, but I had to let you know about one of my experiences that very much echo what you have just written about.

My Wife was struggling with why I didn't want to have an orgasm. She had accepted me wearing my device, but she just couldn't get her head around why I wanted to stay locked up for at least three weeks at a time, and hopefully at least double that. She felt guilty not letting me cum, even though I was begging her to do just that.

One day we went out for a walk with our dog and I explained to her how when I have an orgasm it feels great as the pressure builds up, feels even better for a few seconds while I have the orgasm, feels ok for a few moments more and then fades away. I then explained how I felt when she had an orgasm, how excited I got, and how after three or four weeks of chastity I felt almost overwhelmed with intense feelings as she had her orgasm.

The difference was this feeling went on for much, much longer. My entire body became hyper sensitive. And then, when I had an orgasm, those feelings just went, completely. I explained how I was much more turned on when I had been chaste than I ever was when I orgasmed, how I missed feeling like that when she made me have an orgasm. I still want the occasional orgasm, but I would much rather concentrate in her.

This is when this chastity game clicked for her. We are still working out what our version looks like but as of today it is thirty days since my last orgasm and she is really enjoying how easy it is to get me going.

[newbie]

Yes, I know there are rules as well but I do appreciate your feedback.

In the relationship between my wife and I currently I feel that she has somewhat accepted me wearing the device, I just need to take that parts slow. I'm not locked 24/7 and I'm still self locked, so in our case I need to treat it like something to spice up the marriage....a sex toy essentially and nothing more, at least for right now. I know for a fact that in the past I would take things too fast and all of a sudden she would get frustrated with the whole thing and that's when she would tell be that she's done with it and doesn't want to see it or deal with it any more.

On Saturday morning when she had her intense orgasm (I know from experience that this one she had was very strong for her) and even though she acted like she wasn't entirely sure that I was locked but suspected it, that was a big step as far as I'm concerned. Both that she knew I was locked so she came orally without ever telling me she wanted me inside her, or demanding that I take the device off, and also that she was rubbing my device against the inside of her knee grinding it back and forth. I mean, her hands were playing with my balls right there in front of her face (which felt wonderful) so obviously she knew. All this in itself is incredible and I look at as a big step forward.

But also this time is the first time she asked me why I was doing this to myself. Why I would give her this intense orgasm and leave her spent and satisfied while leaving myself all turned on with no release. This is the very first time she ever asked that, or showed that type of concern, which I suppose tells me that the only thing really holding her back is the guilt for not giving me a nice orgasm, be it a handjob or blowjob which would be the only way to give it to me at that point. I think I explained it to her in a good enough way that she understood. We wasn't upset I was wearing it or anything like that, just the question came up as to why.

The very next day I initiated some foreplay and after a while she let me know (in a nice pleasant voice) that she would be getting up in just a few minutes, so obviously she wasn't interested in taking things further and possibly making me cum to make up for the morning before. And besides, with the orgasm she had the previous morning she is probably all set for quite a while. I think this shows me something.

[newbie]

Getting to the stage I'm at with my wife has been a long road, and I definitely don't want any set-backs, so I'm working on being consistent with what I do chastity-wise and taking it slow.

When we're in bed I'm almost always the one who initiates the foreplay, even when locked. While she generally doesn't shy away from this, in fact it's not long after I get things started that she really begins to react, it is generally never her initiation. It's always been like this, and I'm ok with starting things, but I have to wonder if she's also thinking "why is he starting something when he's lock up?" If she is indeed thinking along these lines, then if she still goes along with the foreplay then maybe she's turned the corner and become more selfish....which would be a good thing.

There are so many things to consider when you're self-locked, and I tend to over think things as you can all probably attest to, but I want her to enjoy "the game" and all it's benefits without being put-off by it. If she were my keyholder it would make my life much simpler. I wouldn't have to wonder if she is ok with it, or would rather have me unlocked, or whatever. It would be her decision. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking a tight rope.

I am considering just being locked during the week, and free on the weekends. During the week she will see the device from time to time (especially with the bathroom situation), feel it at night, and become used to it that way. Since we only have sex on the weekends generally, I'll be free for whatever, and if she wants to play with "her penis" then it will be available. Really this would only mean free on Friday nights and Saturday nights, and locking back up for the day.

The only other thing I thought might work is putting the key on a keyhook in the bedroom when I'm locked so she would know ahead of time what to expect, and could change my situation if she feels the need. I currently put it on my nightstand when I'm locked but that doesn't seem to be working.

When she wants me inside her, she wants me inside her. No fooling around with a key or fumbling with a device. She tends to be very "in the moment". I do remember not that long ago that she told me before we were going to fool around that she was going into the bathroom and that she would be right back. Instead of taking the hint and unlocking I remained locked, much to her annoyance. Don't want that again.

[newbie]

So my wife is still on her business trip, returning tomorrow night. It will be great to be together again.

I was thinking about how things went down (no pun intended) last weekend and how making sure she came in the way that she did brought me so much pleasure and left me completely turned on. I've been thinking how our brief but significant conversation went about me being locked up and unable to enjoy my own orgasm went, how she didn't understand that but instead of just going blank with an answer I was actually able to articulate words into an explanation essentially telling her I enjoyed giving more than receiving. I've been thinking about how she didn't react at all when faced with me standing naked in front of her wearing only my black HT. Didn't bat an eye. I've been thinking how sexy she looked when we were out and about going to the party, then stopping in at a casino, and then in the evening going out to dinner. My wife is pretty middle of the road as far as fashion goes, but this time she dressed in a classy but sexy way with tight black pants with high heeled black boots, a pink top and cute black blazer. I told her through out the day how sexy she looked. She even gave me some advise on what I should wear which I definitely followed.

All these things have been in my head ever since, and every time I think about them I get all warm inside.

As far as how to move forward in the device wearing department, I think I've settled on locking up at night during the week, being unlocked during the day for work and evenings, and then being unlocked from Friday evening until Sunday evening when the whole cycle starts again. I decided this due to various things, not the least of which is that I don't want my wife to get frustrated when she wants access to "her penis". Like I've said before, when she wants to play with it or feel it inside her it's an immediate need and if it's locked up then she gets upset/frustrated. The idea of me in chastity is not to frustrate my wife but rather frustrate me. I'm self locked and it's not fair to her to not have access to what she wants. I think also that by giving her access on the weekends and me being locked during the week, it will show her that this can work for both of us since we don't fool around during the week anyway. She doesn't appear to have an issue with me wearing it as long as it doesn't interfere with her fun. Another reason to just wear at night during the week and not during the day/evening is that I'm always aware that there is a pretty good bulge in the front of my pants when I wear the HT and it makes me stress to some degree about how best to hide it and wonder if anyone is noticing my bulge. I know it shouldn't matter, and most people will never notice or care, but it's always in the back of my mind. Combine that with evenings when I'm doing things with my kids and there's a real chance they could bang into "something hard" in the front of dad's pants when we're playing around. Another thing is that while I'm wearing it I tend to think about it too much, and that leads to horniness, which leads to surfing the web for things I really shouldn't be looking for in order to turn myself on more because I know I'm locked. It's like a self fulfilling cycle of arousal, and it isn't needed and consumes too much time.

One last thing, I have noticed that my wife's apparent acceptance of me wearing my HT is something very special to me, and it has really deepened my love and respect for her. There is nothing sexier that having your wife accept your kinks and love you anyway, and there is also nothing better that bringing your wife intense pleasure without asking for anything in return. Hopefully in the future she will lose the guilt that I know she feels on some level for not returning the pleasure.