Mike and Julia had been married for many years but their good marriage had a few wrinkles. Their sex life had slowly deteriorated. They hadn’t noticed it but drop by drop its energy slipped away. Why had this happened? On Julia’s side some significant health issues had developed which sapped her energy in general. Additionally, her natural vaginal lubrication had decreased, making intercourse painful. Lubes from the store didn’t seem to work. Mike still had a desire for sexual release but had slowly developed ED; his erections were unreliable. On the rare occasions that he and Julia were being intimate his focus was on getting an erection and once he had one using it for sex before he lost it. He did try to get Julia excited as well but his main focus was on himself. Get hard and get off. Julia’s needs were definitely left in second place. There was another big complication: they had never been comfortable speaking with each other about sex. They didn’t speak about what they did, what they didn’t do or what they wanted to do. Mike had what was for him a shameful secret: he was turned on by the thought of being under the sexual control of a powerful woman. He wanted to be tied up by her and used by her. He wanted her to be in charge of him sexually. Mike had once or twice hesitantly started speaking about these inner desired with Julia but they made her very uncomfortable and the conversations petered out very quickly. She wanted nothing to do with Mike’s “perversions” and Mike was deeply ashamed of having them. They tacitly agreed to not talk about them.
But they didn’t go away.
From time to time Mike secretly stole away to see a professional dominatrix, trying to scratch that itch. It worked, sort of, but the itch always came back. The fact is, Mike didn’t want to lose that “itch”. It was exciting. It made him erect. Why would he want to lose that? What would take its place?
Mike masturbated more and more. It was so much easier than waiting for and negotiating for sex with Julia. And sex with her wasn’t so good anyway. She didn’t seem to miss sex with him so what was the problem? Well, as the sexual connection between them weakened their overall relationship weakened. One evening Mike went to a sex club and met a woman who got off by being in charge. She liked Mike and gave him her email. Mike was floating on air! He was so excited – here was the answer to his lifelong dream. A dominant woman who wanted him!
Mike feverishly pursued that new relationship. He didn’t get to see her nearly as much as he wanted but each time left him more excited than the last. All in secret from Julia, enabled by lies to Julia.
After a year Mike was coming undone by the tension of keeping his lies straight. In a desperate move he told Julia the truth. Part of the truth. Sort of the truth. Julia listened to him with an open heart as he lied to her face. He hoped he could keep his marriage and keep his exciting dominant lover. Foolish man. Two weeks later he had to tell Julia the full truth and deal with her anger, with her rage.
It took Mike a long time to understand the damage he had done, the pain he had caused. He wanted it to all go away but that was not so easy. Therapy, eventually couples therapy slowly led to a growing closeness between the two. Mike got to the point where the shame he felt about his kinky desires was low enough for him to talk about them with Julia. Julia got to the point where she could hear him and accept that part of him without rejecting him.
Mike had known about male chastity for a while but hadn’t really considered it as something he might do. As his relationship with Julia strengthened he thought about it more and eventually sent away for a Chinese device. When it arrived he tried it on and was very excited by the feelings that welled up inside him. He knew that he had to talk to Julia about it. He was very nervous about that conversation but was determined to be open, honest and undefended. He chose a time when they would be alone – they were taking the train to Washington DC to a wedding. Mike had downloaded and printed an article describing how male chastity benefited women in a relationship. Mike described chastity for him as “bondage light”. Secret, always there, always a reminder to him of his commitment to Julia.
Julia took it all in, considering what Mike was telling her. It was painful for her whenever something came up that reminded her of Mike’s actions with the other woman but she agreed to give it a try. Mike was delighted that he could talk with his wife about chastity without feeling shame. Julia accepted it and didn’t try to make him feel less for it. She didn’t really understand what the appeal to him was but she agreed to participate. Mike was still feeling insecure about Julia’s acceptance and spoke about that. She got more specific: She was on board for a year. After a year they would be able to revisit it and if she wanted a change they would talk about it. Meanwhile Mike’s use of chastity was unquestioned. Julia agreed to wear the key to the device on a necklace that Mike was to buy. Mike was out the door in a flash to buy a gold necklace! Mike still had access to a key but he loved the symbolism of her wearing the key. Mike was having problems with the devices he got; abrasion and such, and used the key he had to remove the device for hygiene but never to masturbate. He had crossed the river on that activity. It was no longer an option. Mike was surprised to discover how much he loved making love to Julia without him having an orgasm. He loved focusing entirely on her and getting his pleasure from her pleasure.
Taking his orgasm off the table, so to speak, opened them both up to delicious pleasures. Theoretically he could have done exactly the same thing without a chastity cage but he didn’t have the will power; he needed and liked the physical restraint. Occasionally he would not have a device on and had a strong desire for an orgasm. In the past he would have masturbated – no question. But now when he felt that he quickly locked himself up and found that the urgency of the feeling came under control. He became more patient. If Julia wasn’t interested in sex tonight, OK, maybe tomorrow night. And, he loved not having to worry about having or losing his erection. He hadn’t realized how much he experienced the pressure of that.
Julia’s health improved. The combination of Julia’s better health and the strong sexual energy flowing between led to an upsurge in intimate activity between them. Once in a while Julia wanted to feel Mike inside of her so she unlocked him for sex. He loved the intensity of orgasm but didn’t feel a powerful need for it. If she didn’t want him to cum that was OK. He could wait. She came to enjoy sexually teasing Mike, just for the hell of it. She enjoyed the feeling of power over him. Julia had never been comfortable with Mike’s requests for spanking. She loved him; she didn’t want to hurt him. But as they spoke about it she came to see it as just another manifestation of her new found power and just another way to excite her partner. Julia began to include ass slapping along with nipple pinching and scratching as normal parts of an erotic encounter.
Mike reveled in her sexual attention and realized that he now had what he had always wanted. He had a loving relationship with a sexually powerful woman who desired him.
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