Questions from/for Keyholders

[Atone]

You must be a baby boomer.

No, too young for that. I am just a kid.

-A

[Dev]

Yeah, me too. I tell people I must have gotten married when I was 6. I am too young to have been married for 32 years.

Keyholders...back on track! Questions, please! LOL

D

[jnuts]

My keyholder and I need some rules. It is difficult to play a game when you don't know what the rules are. She knows that she is free to make any rules she likes but i can imagine it is difficult to deal with that broad of a scope and that is why she is having a hard time with it. Anyone want to throw out a list of common rules to give her some ideas? Have looked at some of the contracts on chastity mansion and they all seem really formal and complex.

[Atone]

My keyholder and I need some rules.

Tell her what you want.

Ask her what she wants.

Listen to what she tells you.

lather, rinse, repeat

That is probably a good start.

-A

[Dev]

My keyholder and I need some rules. It is difficult to play a game when you don't know what the rules are. She knows that she is free to make any rules she likes but i can imagine it is difficult to deal with that broad of a scope and that is why she is having a hard time with it. Anyone want to throw out a list of common rules to give her some ideas? Have looked at some of the contracts on chastity mansion and they all seem really formal and complex.

Here's our contract:

Ab's locked up.
Dev's in charge.
We're having fun.

And really, that's what I try to keep in mind, even when I am overthinking things (which I do).

If I can pimp my blog, I really do try to speak to reluctant partners/women. Sarah Jameson's book is also good.

A really, really good starting point is for her to get used to the idea of being the keyholder, which means keeping the key hidden and secret. Even if she can't quite get used to how long locked up, how many days, etc., right off the bat, if she can accept that SHE has the key and YOU have no idea where it is, that will go a long way to making her feel like she is in charge. And, hiding the key is incredibly easy to do. No big decisions, just find a secret place (and believe me, a key is small and there are 90 million secret places in a house/apt/condo) and stash it somewhere. She'll feel instantly more confident and you'll be....begging. Or wanting. Or something.

D

[jnuts]

Yeah, i guess it will get easier when we aren't just using the honor system.

[cb6000s]

A really, really good starting point is for her to get used to the idea of being the keyholder, which means keeping the key hidden and secret.

My keyholder wears her key on a chain around her neck. Believe me when I say all she has to do is hold the key up and look at me to tell me that I have done something that I should not have. Very effective.

[Dev]

My keyholder wears her key on a chain around her neck. Believe me when I say all she has to do is hold the key up and look at me to tell me that I have done something that I should not have. Very effective.

Good point, thank you... heck, I have the key right out in the open too (although the spare is completely hidden away). My point is/was...take control of the key. Don't leave it lying around or put it some place obvious like your key chain. That is the first major step and for the keyholder it is easy and for the locked person it is extremely important.

D

[Belle]

Any one know of a site that sells jewelry that holds keys? With a 5 month and a 16 month old, having a key around my neck would mean I would be strangled several times a day. (And no, we did not plan them that close. Just got into chastity too late. )

[likes2blocked]

There's a key and heart locket you can get on Amazon, but unfortunately, it won't hold the key - too small. Just in case you looked there. It is nice, and makes me shiver when I see it on her neck, though.

As to rules, we have about the same rules as Dev - I'm locked up, keyhldr's in charge, and wow, are we having fun. I suspect you wanted something more specific than that, though.

Couple of suggestions - Sarah's book is good. Some of what she's doing is a little over the top for me, but her book is overall very good.

Maybe not rules, but some suggestions, in no particular order (though the first one should be first) -

Make it about you. If you're having fun, he'll have fun.

Don't feel guilty about making it about you.

When he begs for an orgasm, he doesn't really want to be let out - you've just got him out of control. Have fun with that, he'll love it. After a while, the arousal causes a really nice legal high, so keep it going.

Even if you don't want sex right then, tease a little, and do it often. A few seconds of nipple tweaking - read Wendy's post on this - great advice. Locked up and ignored is no fun at all. Locked up and teased a couple times a day, even just a little - yum.

Once you're sure the cage fits right, go for at least a week - it takes that long to really get to "Wow, she's really in control" and that euphoric feeling.

Most important rule - have fun.