Questions from/for Keyholders

[Belle]

Thanks, you have us pegged pretty well, except for the part about this being something that he has been thinking about for awhile. It actually started when I told him I didn't want him to cum the week that I was starting on my BC pills, and that at the end of the week he wouldn't have to use a condom-something we both hate. When we saw how much better we were getting along and how much more affectionate we were in general toward each other he started digging around on the internet. He came across a blog, and started reading it to me. It was us to a T, and we realized the benefits of T&D. It has just progressed from there.

The pressure of me feeling like I had to have sex all the time was affecting our relationship, and I didn't realize how much, so you are right there. Glad to see that I am not the only female who felt this way.

Wendy, I have tied him up, spanked him, some other mild playing over the past couple of years, and he does enjoy it. I read some of the threads on that other forum, and they scared me to death. He pointed me to you guys, and you made me much more comfortable about playing the game and going with what feels right to us. I do think I will need to use games of chance or other random ways to decide how long to make him go, I am not comfortable dictating that yet.

[Dev]

I read some of the threads on that other forum, and they scared me to death. He pointed me to you guys, and you made me much more comfortable about playing the game and going with what feels right to us.

Belle, this is a very important point and I am glad you brought it up. While there is great variety among the members here and how we are all playing the game, I think it is safe to say that most (all) of us (the people who are actively posting, anyway---I can't speak for the lurkers) are into chastity for the chastity experience and process. You are right, if you look out there on the Internet (and it doesn't take much digging) you'll find lots of "FLR" and "femdom" blogs and discussions. For those folks, chastity seems to be just one part of a much larger experience that has to do with humiliation, punishment, degradation, and abuse. I've seen sites where women write about "breaking" or "training" their husbands (as if he was a dog or a puppy). Of course, how much of this is true, how much is fantasy, or how much is true is for a few hours/wk when they are playing---who knows? I just know that for me, none of it sounds fun or the way I want to play sex games with my husband.

Ab and I are enjoying our chastity play a lot and as I said in my other post, we work hard at keeping the focus on the fact that it is a game. At the same time, I've done a lot of thinking about it and it has impacted our marriage, in a positive way. Our experience does not seem to be unusual--I've read about plenty of other people having positive outcomes from playing the chastity game, too. I hope it works for you.

D

[mikecb]

if you look out there on the Internet (and it doesn't take much digging) you'll find lots of "FLR" and "femdom" blogs and discussions. For those folks, chastity seems to be just one part of a much larger experience that has to do with humiliation, punishment, degradation, and abuse. I've seen sites where women write about "breaking" or "training" their husbands (as if he was a dog or a puppy). Of course, how much of this is true, how much is fantasy, or how much is true is for a few hours/wk when they are playing---who knows?
D

Exactly. I imagine about 90% of those blogs are written by, shall we say, authors who only have one hand free for typing. There are definitely people out there doing the whole Femdom thing, but I imagine them to be the vast minority. It's unfortunate that there are so many wankers out there blogging, because it does a disservice to those who want to get into chastity play in a more (oh god, I'm gonna say it) "Normal" way. As Belle points out, those other blogs can be off-putting.

mikecb

[davidphd1866]

Good point Mike. I agree that probably our biggest challenge here is to maintain the integrity of the Forum, without making our kink "too normal".

[Atone]

I thought this was normal.

-A

[Dev]

Good point Mike. I agree that probably our biggest challenge here is to maintain the integrity of the Forum, without making our kink "too normal".

Sarah J. says chastity is a gateway kink and is pretty far down on the list of kinky stuff. ::shrugs:: Who knows? I am realizing I don't have a particularly good yardstick for measuring kinky vs. vanilla vs. something else. "If it feels good, do it." Isn't that what they said back in the 60s?

D

[davidphd1866]

But wasn't it St. Augustine who said "Chastity is the greatest perversion of all."? Or was he the one who said "grant me chastity, but not yet"?

[Tom Allen]

Thanks, you have us pegged pretty well,

<beavis>

Heh heh... heh heh... she said "pegged". Heh heh...

</beavis>

[Tom Allen]

If you're in control and using him for your own pleasure it makes him feel like a total stud. Usually guys have to chase girls and convince them to let the guys into their pants. But he doesn't have to chase you - he's so desireable you are keeping him as a locked up pet to use when you need to. Play up that fantasy and you will make him very happy.

Wendy has some good insight on this. I don't know if it's true for everybody, but it's certainly what fuels our enjoyment of the play.

:rummages through the old notes:

Ah, here we are:

[ ... ]
One of the reasons that she kinks on chastity and denying me, is that she sees it as having power over a part of me that in itself is powerful. Mrs. Edge does not lock up my “worthless little dickie” (or worse, my “sissy clitty”… ugh, sorry, just the term grates on me). Rather, she locks up my cock – my thick, raging, turgid, veiny, purple, manly, hard cock. She does it — she enjoys it — because she’s asserting her authority over something that needs to be controlled; at times she even hides the keys from herself, by leaving them at work over the weekend, because she has a hard time resisting the temptation to use my cock — or rather, to have me use it on her. And it’s a strong temptation because I can use it pretty well.

See, Mrs. Edge is very practical-minded. Why would she need to bother locking up my cock if it were worthless? That idea completely escapes her; if it’s worthless, then what’s the point? Why even bother with it? Just let it loose and ignore it, then you don’t need to put up with the whining and cleaning and all that. Worthless? No, not for her, and certainly not what she envisions for herself or for me.

No, she wants it caged and controlled. She wants dominion over my cock because she knows how enjoyable it can be for her. She wants to make sure that I’m ready for those occasions when she wants it, and she wants my manly, male energy tightly controlled so that she can focus it at her own discretion. She wants my testosterone flowing, and knows that keeping me sexually edgy has many benefits for her, whether or not she chooses to unlock it. No, Mrs. Edge wants me locked up not because I’m worthless, but because I’m valuable. And that, my friends, makes me feel very special, indeed.

[thumper]

Sarah J. says chastity is a gateway kink...

Actually, the first person I heard say that was Tom on an ancient Kink On Tap podcast. If you can find it, that episode and the one just before it (also about chastity and denial) are terrific resources.