Hi Belle,
Thanks for your post. Let me see if I can just throw out a few thoughts....
It seems that most men, especially if they were the ones to bring up chastity, love it. I was the one who suggested it to my husband (so in that respect, we are a sort of rare "backwards" couple) and while he hasn't come out and said he loves it, he is certainly having a good time and not saying he wants to stop playing the game. So that's good.
I personally don't think of being a keyholder from a power perspective, although my attitude around that may be changing.
But so far, my husband and I have discussed and negotiated everything regarding chastity. However, right now he's locked up (since Saturday night) with no idea when he is going to get released again. I also have a new device on order for him which he doesn't know about, plus a few more surprises lined up. So maybe I am starting to be a little more assertive. If you read my blog, you'll see we had a bit of an unexpected experience this weekend so I am starting to think about things a little differently as a result. There is also a thread here, "I need moral support!" which gets into some of the issues and things we've been working through over the past few weeks.
Yes, you can have some measure of power and control but I think the best advice that I have seen over and over, consistently, is to remember...it's a game. It's a game you are playing together and at any time, one of you can say, "I don't want to play anymore" or "I don't want to play right now" and you can end it. (Note that saying, "I don't want to play anymore" is not the same thing as "Please take my device off so I can come!". Big difference between those two.
)
The other good advice I have received is to be serious about the key. Either wear it on your body, like I do, or find a super-secret hiding place that your husband doesn't know about. Whatever, don't leave it lying around or put it somewhere obvious like your key chain. The lock isn't really that secure and he could get it off if he wanted, but a big part of the game is mental. Keeping the key securely hidden and unavailable to him (or wearing it where he can see it but can't use it...I have discovered it makes my husband crazy to suck my nipple and have the key in his mouth but he can't use it! LOL. Sometimes he tries to switch to the other side and I won't let him...) really goes a long way to reinforce the mental component of "You are locked up and can't get free without me!"
Okay, that's enough for this moment but ask away...
D
