KH question

[Celtic Queen]

Morning all

Hub and I had a chat about a friend of his who loves to be chaste but has no keyholder although he did have one in the past (not his partner). This by the way is the only other chaste male I have knowingly met! Although this guy has not asked, my hub raised the idea of my holding his key until he finds his own keyholder. This guy lives some 4 hours drive from us and I have only met this man once so this would definately be a remote agreement.

I'd like the view of the folks on here. Do you think that in agreeing to hold another man's key out of nothing more than sheer goodwill, I am making myself a focus for unrequited feelings? I think I would want some pretty clear boundaries here before agreeing.

[kpb57]

Hi CQ!

From all we know, your relation to CQ's Sub is a strictly monogamous one.

Therefore I don't think it wise to add another person on this level of the things you do in your relationship.

It may be better to just give the guy all the support possible in his quest for finding a KH or maybe even a lifetime partner.

K

PS I hope I wrote that down in unterstandable english

[betheball]

This seems like bad karma. Whenever locked, I do find myself in a "headspace" around my KH, trying to make her happy, fantasizing about her, and trying to gain favor - whether she reciprocates or not. I could fathom how a "remote" KH could work, but it would be difficult for someone I knew - especially someone who is already in a LT relationship. Would be much easier to manage this as a 'business transaction', but not nearly as sexy or compelling for me, as a locked one.

That said, it's a small world of kinksters out there, and the plusses of having someone who understands your kink, and presumably, one would not take advantage of the situation, or use leverage in any way is appealing. I would see value in having "one who knows" as a safer alternative to whatever might be "out there".

If you expect the "headspace" change to occur, and are willing to have this new caged one fawn over you, with some clear boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, then it would seem manageable. But my guess is that your new pet will "agree" to anything when presented to him/her - he'll be in maximum overdrive on realization of this fantasy, and may not be in the best position to provide rational boundaries, or understand what he is agreeing to. That would be where you need to be firm, and clear here.

Certainly an interesting question - would be interested in understanding "how you got to this" - it's not exactly cocktail conversation...at least not in my neighborhood!

btb

[Belle]

I don't think I could do it. POSSIBLY some remote, mail me your key thing, but not someone that I know and see face to face. Keyholding to me is an intimate experience. One based on total trust, acceptance, and love. I know the experience is different for everyone. That is what you will need to explore. What does being a KH mean to you?

[Celtic Queen]

See here's the thing. Key holding for my hub is a fundamental piece of our relationship and I fully expect his "focus" -as it were- to be on me. It's a component of our FLR and it works because we have both spent a lot of time and energy communicating and trialling.

The idea of remote holding is a pure favour from someone who would understand the mechanics of it without exploiting the attendant vulnerabilities (a pair of safe hands if you like). I know how happy it makes my hub to be locked up and under control. There are guys out there who self lock and mail the key to themselves or use some form of random electronic lock. To my mind, this would just be a version of that for me. I'm not kinking on it, I have no designs on this guy and as you say kpb, we are a monogamous couple.

Maybe it's an act of kindness too far that would create a whole heap of trouble and I should leave it for him to find a keyholder and not interfere.....

btb - the Cocktail party question "how I got to this" is interesting in itself. This guy has been a friend of my hub's for years and was a lifestyle Dom who then realised he was really a sub which then wrecked his D/s relationship. My hub, newly discovering his own submissive tendencies, had a conversation about it. They then realised they were sat, in a pub with a pint, both safely locked away in CB6000 s! LOL. Since then, they've swopped the odd tip and advice and hub says it's been a great experience to speak to another chaste male in the real world. I kind of envy them that. I've never spoken (knowingly) to another Domme / key holder and to the outside world, we appear to be a rather traditional 'nilla couple. Only this guy knows the truth and I know he follows our blog.

[jnuts]

I would get extremely jealous knowing another guy handed over his key to my wife. If this is truely something you want to do, I suggest you do it as a couple. You alone are not the keyholder, you both are. By now, your husband knows nearly as much about keyholding as you do and if you both share the responsibility then jealousy can't creep in. I guess it would all depend on what the keyholding would entail though. Just keeping the key and sending it back now and then is one thing. Tease and denial, even remotely, is a whole different beast.

[celticqueens_sub]

So you have all read way too much into this.... Including CQ! It's simply a case that should he want to he can send CQ the key knowing that she is trustworthy and she will send it back. As he is not her sub and never ever will be he could pick a number say 10 and she will randomly post it back so he has a max time but might get the key tomorrow? Like a random delay in the postal service. Well simple. As for jealous. It's not an issue. You would need to be me to understand. CQ is totally devoted to me and I her. To be honest I don't get single men locking up I can't understand what they get. That said it doesn't devalue what they do just because I don't get it. I would never lockup outside a relationship I just don't see the point. However I do appreciate you all taking the time to add your considered views it is very kind of you to take the time. Thank you

[betheball]

Holy crap! There's a lot to be said for sharing stuff on the blogosphere, or even an airplane ride, where there's a degree of anonymity (I've had some great "therapy", life-guiding, and even hot-as-leather-in-July conversations with airplane people...all based on the assumption that I can, and will, walk-away at the end of the ride). Still, I can't imagine how normal "pint talk" conversation with a buddy spins around to "what kind of device are you packing?". Amazing, very cool, and still a bit unnerving for the rest of us. Of course, this speaks volumes about how this kink might just be on the verge of a mainstream awakening...and how fun would that be? Wow. Maybe, in the "not-too-distant" future, devices will have RFID chips, and you know, there'll be an 'app for that', and we can just walk down the street - watching devices "light up" to our wandering eye....sure. In the meantime, bravo to your hub/sub, and to you, for finding another one of us "out there".

I do think Jnuts is on the right track - if you're going to KH for someone else, it would seem best to have the two of you in the conversation, and probably each with a go/no go decision capacity. Here, there is no D/S - it's a partnership. As a caged one, I don't think I'd enjoy this, and caged without some kind of connection to my KH is something I - luckily - do not have to consider. At some level the two of you are terrific friend(s). But overall, a non-relationship KH experience seems a poor substitute for the real thing.

[celticqueens_sub]

But overall, a non-relationship KH experience seems a poor substitute for the real thing.

Exactly my point...


CQ won't do anything she doesn't want too.... Trust me on that.... she would not do it if I was unhappy about it. It's just a buddy who likes being locked for whatever personal reason and the key coming to us ( CQ ) just adds a random element. It really is that simple. Btw. The poor bloke has no fucking idea this conversation is happening. He may well be appalled by the idea!!!

Thanks again for all the valued input but please don't over read the situation.

[celticqueens_sub]

Just a general observation.... The fact so many people are offering their support is very re assuring that this is a great forum and a safe place to air these things. Coolio I think!