Keyholder Interest/Motives

[Celtic Queen]

Sorry Devoted Hubby, here is my answer to your original post...

We got into chastity when I bought my then fiance a steel cage because I thought it looked sexy. He then started to wear it more and more and when he discovered the CB6000 he went to 24 7 wear. After plenty of nocturnal problems upsetting our sleep, we have settled on a pattern of lock up by day, release at night. His release does not entitle him to request sex, sex happens when I dictate. We don't operate a fixed pattern of orgasm denial and nor does good behaviour bring the sex fairy automatically - although bad behaviour is guaranteed to keep her away

What do we get out of it? Fun, closeness, good communication and a sex life that now means that old patterns of "sex ends when the mess happens" are set aside. All physical contact is sexual from a back rub to a Sunday morning love making session that most vanilla couples would readily identify with. I feel no pressure to "perform / oblige " so we have no build up of resentment (his side or mine). We do run our marriage as an FLR so chastity fits well with his need to feel my control. Having his own way in most aspects of his life has not made him happy - and this is particularly true in the bedroom.

[Tom Allen]

If your man is cheating on the device, he's not "playing" properly either. Does he expect to be punished for cheating? How much control do you wish to exert and how much work do you want to put into being a key holder?

And this is one of the reasons that I suggested that he may not be ready for that kind of commitment. Even men who *want* to be locked up can have a very difficult time of it, especially if their KH isn't around. You're always horned up, and there's no relief, either physically or emotionally, so it's very tempting to cheat.

[LAKH]

Being a key holder takes time, intuition and creativity. Being a successfully chaste couple takes patience, communication and understanding. If he's still fucking about, well - you have to ask yourself if this is the relationship you want going forward.

I would interested to understand how an open relationship would work with a chastity arrangement by the way!!.

And this is one of the reasons that I suggested that he may not be ready for that kind of commitment. Even men who *want* to be locked up can have a very difficult time of it, especially if their KH isn't around. You're always horned up, and there's no relief, either physically or emotionally, so it's very tempting to cheat.

I'm sorry for the hijack

Thank you both for your comments and I have to say even without knowing us and the whole picture you are both hitting the nails firmly on the head.

I'm getting on a bit and really have no energy left in my life to go looking at starting yet another relationship, I seem to have made a hash of too many. I'd rather try and work at this one and I'm willing to do so.

CQ - the bit of your post I have left quoted is certainly spot on and I had taken on board all of those aspects BUT the key I think is the word communication - he cannot! We had a very long conversation about all this less than a week ago. Now though you would think we had never spoken a word, he has stopped wearing his device and plods on just as before. That's what makes it all so much hard work, I'm happy to key hold and can be creative and intuitive but at the same time feedback is necessary


I don't think an open relationship could work with a chastity arrangement, I was offering him that choice as a rather than! If he needs more than I can give then I have given him permission to go else where. Though who knows maybe I should say to him that he can go back in his device and ask me when he needs releasing to go elsewhere......... he'd have to communicate then.

We have family staying with us for a week now so I'm sure nothing is going to be said and this will all take a back seat, don't know where this will go but I thank you all for being around and at least allowing me to 'chat' about it. It helps.

[mikecb]

LAKH,

As an enthusiastic wearer, I guess I question your hubbies interest in wearing the device. When you guys once again have an opportunity to chat again, you might think about these questions.

- Is he really INTERESTED in chastity play - the tease and denial thing, or was he just wearing to try and suppress masturbation?
- If you're not intimate enough for his libido, is masturbation "enough" for him. If so, maybe it's just a matter of letting boys be boys.

In my own experience, chastity play is the antithesis of suppressing libido. It makes me more aroused, more of the time. If you guys have mismatched libidos, and chastity play has THAT influence on him, frankly, you might be better off just letting him rub one out occasionally, and forget the chastity device.

You haven't mentioned it, but another aspect of chastity play is the interaction with the KH. Again, in my case, if my wife was just locking my cock away because she didn't want sex often, and it was just a "preventative measure", chastity play would have no interest to me whatsoever. For me, chastity play is like prolonged foreplay, and the interaction with a KH is essential. (This, by the way, is why my wife and I fail at chastity play. She just wants to "set it and forget it").

Anyway, I think there is a lot of room for conversation before punting and saying "let's open up the marriage". I'd be fearful that you would eventually start feeling jealous, or at least hurt, if you did that as a compromise, rather than because you were really supportive of it.

Best of luck to you!
mikecb

[wishful4]

LAKH,

IMHO, you may be interpreting his moment of weakness in the wrong way. The important thing is, what/who was he thinking about at the time that made him so horny. I would bet it was you. You, most likely, were the fantasy that caused his arousal to get out of hand.

I would suggest that you sit him down and tell him that you know MC can be hard for him, but him being chaste is VERY important to you. Ask him if he really wants to do this? Doesn't he want the intense orgasm he will experience with you at the end of his chaste period? Tell him that, in the future, if he feels such an uncontrollable urge, come to you. Some teasing/edging may be in order or you may decide he needs a ruined orgasm or a milking. Make sure he knows he can rely on you for his needs and that you know what's best for him. Be firm, but loving. Most importantly, COMMUNICATE!!