How porn is changing our sex lives

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prthomas
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by prthomas » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:25 pm

Tom Allen wrote: See, this is what I've never understood: here you have a community filled with guys *begging* for denial, yet a large number (not just here) are saying that masturbation is a problem because it's too easy to get porn.
Great point, Tom. While the two issues (porn and masturbation) may go hand-in-hand (couldn't resist the pun), they are separate. I cannot blame porn for my masturbation addiction any more than I can blame the liquor store for my alcoholism.

But, porn does tend to feed the masturbation habit. Hence, once I made the commitment to stop masturbating, I also realized that my porn-viewing was also unhealthy for my marriage. With either, I am distracted from my wife. Staying away from both, my attention turns solely to my wife.
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Dev
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by Dev » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:26 pm

Some people abuse alcohol and become alcoholics. Some people eat to excess and become morbidly obese. Some people look at porn to the point that it becomes an obsession. These people are the exception, not the rule.

When it comes to porn, there seems to be some belief that it is a universal problem --- and it's always a man's problem. Look how many letters Dan Savage gets from women complaining about their boyfriend's/husband's porn "problem." I have read plenty of femdom blogs where the number one commandment is, "Thou shalt never consume porn again." As I said in my post upthread, one might get the impression that women are 100% opposed to porn and men are 100% for it.

As a pervy girdle-gazing slut from the age of 8, I don't buy that.

I also don't think the link between porn and masturbation is made of forged steel. Again, I offer myself as evidence. I don't masturbate while looking at sexy pictures. Never have and I doubt I ever will. Granted, I am a woman and I know I process things differently in my brain than men, but I also know my husband is able to look at erotic pictures or read x-rated stories without his hand immediately going to his pecker.

I think we need to break the link between consuming porn and masturbating. They are two separate activities. I personally don't have a problem with either, in moderation. Like Tom said, it's all about self-control. Where Ab and I ran into difficulty was his masturbating in the morning affected his intimacy in the evening and it was/is primarily an age-related issue. Chastity is helping us solve that problem.

We're both still looking at sexy pictures, me more than Ab if you want to know the truth. But then, I started younger than him. ;)

D
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Atone
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by Atone » Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:43 pm

Dev wrote: As a pervy girdle-gazing slut from the age of 8, I don't buy that.
It's all becoming clearer now :)

-A
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Tom Allen
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by Tom Allen » Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:53 pm

Dev wrote:I think we need to break the link between consuming porn and masturbating. They are two separate activities. I personally don't have a problem with either, in moderation. Like Tom said, it's all about self-control. Where Ab and I ran into difficulty was his masturbating in the morning affected his intimacy in the evening and it was/is primarily an age-related issue. Chastity is helping us solve that problem.
I'm all for severing the link between porn and wanking, but I want to point out that a lot - a *lot* of men who are into the chastity thing seem to use porn/wanking as an excuse as to why they *need* to be locked up. Considering the fact that chastity devices are barely effective in the first place, I hate to see people claiming that the use of a device to control masturbation is what "saved" their relationship. And for that matter, I hate to see people claiming that porn ruined their relationship.

Yes, I'm sure some guys have become addicted to porn the way some people get addicted to smoking, gambling, drugging, etc. But IMHBCO, most of the problems are within the relationship itself, coupled with a lack of self-control.
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by fuzzydunlop » Fri Jan 21, 2011 10:11 pm

I have seldom wanked while watching porn. Usually rely on fantasies. I view porn and wanking as the junk food of my sex life. Not particularly good for me, but sometimes I need a fix. Get too reliant on it, and pretty soon you are going to be flabby. It is much more abundant than it used to be, but you have to decide what you want to consume.

I noticed that some on these boards seem to have relied on erotic fiction more than pictures. This has been true for me, overall. I wonder if this is more common for those with an MC kink.
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Celtic Queen
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by Celtic Queen » Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:33 am

I made the point in my blog that I just don't get why men in chastity would view porn. The analogy I used was to look at cookbooks whilst hungry- seems daft and masochistic to me (and not in a fun way)!

There's quite a bit of media attention on this at the moment which the UK mooting opt in services for the service provider providing access to porn. It's very sad how desensitised our younger people are becoming. There's enough peer pressure on them as it is without adding to it with false ideas and images.
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Tom Allen
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by Tom Allen » Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:14 am

Celtic Queen wrote:I made the point in my blog that I just don't get why men in chastity would view porn. The analogy I used was to look at cookbooks whilst hungry- seems daft and masochistic to me (and not in a fun way)!
Because porn isn't simply about wanking, sometimes it's just nice to look at pretty things. Women will spend all day in the shopping mall looking at things that they won't buy. :lol:

Seriously, it's simply because it's interesting to look at. Since I started a Tumblr, I've been looking at sexy pictures a couple of times a day, but it hasn't increased my wank factor, nor have I desired my wife any less. *Most* men realize that it's just pictures.

There's quite a bit of media attention on this at the moment which the UK mooting opt in services for the service provider providing access to porn. It's very sad how desensitised our younger people are becoming. There's enough peer pressure on them as it is without adding to it with false ideas and images.
OFGS, the British Nanny State has gone totally insane, and you're starting to export it to the states. Does anybody remember the flap years ago about how video games were desensitizing our youth to violence? Turns out that the conventional wisdom was wrong -- just like it was wrong about cartoons a few decades earlier, and about comic books a few decades before that.

Most of the teens I know (boys and girls) have seen porn. Yes, it's a small sample size, but most of them realize that pictures are not real life. Yes there are some idiots, but there have *always* been idiots, er, kids that were just clueless.

Just as the internet allows easier access to porn, it also allows easier access to good information, not to mention the opportunity to ask questions in a safe, private manner. Websites like Scarletteen are invaluable resources that we simply did not have back in the days when we had to ask an older brother to buy those dirty magazines at the store.

Of course, our society could simply choose to be so damned schizophrenic about sexuality - that would go a long way toward inducing a healthier attitude in teens.
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justplaying
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by justplaying » Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:48 am

Alcohol, tobacco consumption, and Porn are all legislated as "Adult Only" consumer products. Why is that? Were studies conducted that determined that these products when consumed at an earlier age would somehow lead to addiction or behavioral problems? Do these products all have a chemical component that affects our brain's pleasure zone? Or is it that legislators feel that youngsters haven't developed the skills(?) to handle the effects of consuming these products? And maybe one of those skills is self control?

Thinking this topic through from a purely logical point of view one would have to conclude that these products have been "singled out" throughout the world as potentially harmful to adolescents. Some may think this is a cultural or religious bias as well. But there is some medical evidence to support "addiction" related to our brain chemistry. The earlier we humans experience repeated pleasure from consumption of a product, the more likely we will become addicted to it. Our brains are easily trained to seek the pleasure and release of dopamine (like the rats in all those experiments). There's a reason that advertisers use beautiful people in their advertisements and entertainment frequently has undertones of a sexual nature. This isn't new. Greeks, Romans, Chinese literature and art are filled with examples of early "porn".

So what? As Tom pointed out, what about self control? As we have new life experiences and train our rational mind to control our urges then we should be able to overcome addiction. Otherwise rehab clinics would be out of business. And if wearing a chastity device doesn't actually keep your man from wanking off then it is clearly symbolic of what? Control. Control by your significant KH, that your orgasm (and release of dopamine) is being denied not by your control but by mutual consent of the two partners to withhold this release. What purpose does this denial serve? Good question.

IF you happen to have become addicted to porn, because your personal sex life is not turning you on and you have "chosen" to substitute porn to stimulate your pleasure zone for release of the almighty dopamine fix, then perhaps having your cock locked in a tube all day is helpful to keep from wanking. Of course, if you had no intent to stop masturbating you could easily defeat the device. Hmmm no kidding. Your dog could in fact run past the "invisible electric fence" and be free from the nasty shock they get as well. But if you are using the device as a means to give you pause to regain rational control over your urges then wearing the device makes complete sense.

I guess what I am getting at is that masturbation addiction is linked to "porn" because something is stimulating a persons mind and driving a need to release. What do you think it is? Nocturnal emissions are caused by what? Somehow in our sleep, the brain takes control and commands release. I think we under estimate how much our biological little computer is able to override our big rational brain sometimes. We haughtily dismiss it because it's such a cop out to think that people can't control themselves.

Masturbation that results in orgasm does result in a chemical release that provides the mechanism for addiction. Porn provides the stimulant that keeps sexual pleasure foremost in your mind. Chastity, between consenting "adults" is about orgasm control. No orgasm, no dopamine, less stimulate for the addiction. At least that's my understanding of how it works. Here's a bit of irony, how many are addicted to the role playing of chastity? Are couples doing this because it turns them on? So many of us report how horny we are and how hot it is to be locked up, so I have to conclude, yeah it's an habitual thing now...
How many couples in this forum have started chastity play because their personal relationship was not fulfilling their sexual needs? Where did this disparity come from? Did we all imagine the "Kink" of d/s play, bi-sexual fantasies and BDSM all on our own? Really? None of us were exposed to this through porn?

I think that some portion of a couples personal reasons for a desire to be controlled by our partner is absolutely related to the effects of porn. Whether hardcore or subliminal it does, IMHO, have an impact on relationships and the "fantasy gap" in those relationships. Many in the forum have talked about how they have discovered that "chastity play" has helped to regulate two vastly different sex drives to be more in control. We also like the challenge of it. It's exciting to want something really bad and having someone tease you on. The carrot and the stick come to mind....Anyway, I guess all I am saying is too much of a good thing is not good. I think the diversity and access to porn on the internet is fine for the developed mind (if they are not already addicted to masturbation) and not fine for those who may more easily become addicted. If someone can prove to me that their masturbation fantasies have never been influenced by "porn" then maybe I would have a different opinion. But that's just me.
Last edited by justplaying on Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:35 am, edited 2 times in total.
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mikecb
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by mikecb » Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:05 am

Celtic Queen wrote:I made the point in my blog that I just don't get why men in chastity would view porn. The analogy I used was to look at cookbooks whilst hungry- seems daft and masochistic to me (and not in a fun way)!
Perhaps it is a bit masochistic, but I do it all the time. Many of us into chastity crave the denial and arousal associated with chastity. Porn only intensifies it. It makes the experience more intense and enjoyable.

There have been numerous conversations on this board about men who are interested in chastity, but do NOT like the "locked and forgotten" method of chastity. Without titillation and arousal, it' simply celibacy.

It could also be that some of the men who view porn while in chastity do so because their partners are not supplying sufficient titillation to make it satisfying, and so they compensate on their own.

Let's face it. A romance novel could be summed up with "They flirted. They fucked. They lived happily ever after." What' makes that novel interesting is how it strings us along, teases and tantalizes us. I think porn can serve that same purpose. It makes the long slog more tantalizing.

Anyway, I can see lots of reasons.
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danj
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Re: How porn is changing our sex lives

Post by danj » Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:15 am

mikecb wrote:
Celtic Queen wrote:I made the point in my blog that I just don't get why men in chastity would view porn. The analogy I used was to look at cookbooks whilst hungry- seems daft and masochistic to me (and not in a fun way)!
Perhaps it is a bit masochistic, but I do it all the time. Many of us into chastity crave the denial and arousal associated with chastity. Porn only intensifies it. It makes the experience more intense and enjoyable.
mikecb
I'm with Mikecb on this one. I find I don't actually view porn any less when I'm locked. One thing I have noticed though, is I seem to gravitate more to videos of women having orgasms (amateur...not the phony out of control orgasms!) after I've been denied a few days. I guess I just enjoy seeing a woman cum, when I can't. I wouldn't say I obsess over them, but they have an added appeal to me when I'm locked.

I tend to think if I was playing more often with my wife (and hopefully giving her more orgasms), I might be less drawn to porn. In any event, it's not a problem for us, so no harm done. ;)
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