Chastity Forums

On our 6 month MC anniversary I asked Melissa what has been the most surprising thing about MC for her?

She said there were two...

First, she was surprised how long I am able to go without orgasm without complaining. It used to be a few days or a week and then I would want sex. I would get mad without it. I would say I had a physical need to release.
Now, it's been 8 weeks and it will be 4-5 more months before I come and so far I haven't gotten upset.

Second, that our sex life does not have to be cock-centered. Sometimes, my cock is a non-factor. She's slowly warming to the idea of finding the right dildo for those times when she wants to be filled but doesn't want to let me out.

Michael

"It used to be a few days or a week and then I would want sex. I would get mad without it. I would say I had a physical need to release. "

I used to get mad, too, but what I've realized now is that I wasn't mad about not getting the sex (and the orgasm), I was mad about the lack of intimacy. We never connected. While I come far, far less now, we are so much more intimate with each other. Probably more so than at any other time in our relationship. IMO, *that's* the secret sauce.

"Second, that our sex life does not have to be cock-centered. Sometimes, my cock is a non-factor."

Totally. Cocks are definitely on the "nice to have" list, not the "have to have" list.

There's a good reason why the level of intimacy increases when couples adopt chastity in my view. Intimacy fades in relationships because often, the female drive for sex (but not intimacy) tails off. What then happens is that any physical contact - to the male mind - gets interpretted as a green light for sex. What then happens is that women then don't want to be intimate because they don't want sex. This is a huge loss because both couples are then starved of intimacy albeit for different reasons. When couples are chaste, if men understand that they are not getting any penetrative sex until they hear the click of the key in the lock, then that's pretty unequivocal. The flip side is that all affection and all intimacy is just that. It isnt a lead on, it isn't a trade off - it is meant, and heartfelt and clear cut.

Remember men need sex for love. women need love for sex. Chastity just redefines what "sex" is by removing the male orgasm from the equation.

You nailed it CQ! I totally agree.

michaelnmelissa wrote:Second, that our sex life does not have to be cock-centered.

I am still working on this one with my wife. Last night I gave her a back massage and then used a small vibrator to bring her to orgasm. She doesn't fully understand that when I say I would like to have sex that this is exactly what I mean, and that it is more satisfying for me then when I would have PIV sex in the past.

I am glad everything is working out so well for the two of you.

-A