I Need Moral Support!

[Celtic Queen]

Thanks Dev, I came to this forum a little later than the others but really enjoying the quality of the posts.

I do understand how you feel. When my hub started to make noises about not needing the device etc, I started to feel a little angry and oddly rejected. I guess that's down to the amount of emotional investment made to make chastity work. I'd also posit that for women, it is significantly outside the comfort zone so you also feel a little exposed and vulnerable. I do find that it is weirdly cyclical in nature. Some weeks, playing is all you want to do then life just gets in the way. I now don't like him wandering around without his device on and I'm really looking forward to getting a mature metal device so it looks sexy - something that the CB6000 never does. For his part, my hub wants to feel owned, controlled by me and the device is the ultimate symbol of that. Men who bugger their wives about (hope that statement translated correctly across the pond!!!) and cheat on the device etc deserve to get the device taken from them and left to gather dust on a shelf until they realise what a rare priviledge it is to have a KH as a loving partner. The forums are stuffed with guys pining to be locked up and it seems obviously that there are significantly more men who want to be held chaste than there are women willing to indulge them.

I noted that you said in other posts that Ab wasnt really submissive. I'd say there's an element of Yin and Yang at play here. Your dominance will affect how he feels and a show of strength and committment here is needed to make the complex dynamic work. Keep strong - he probably needs your guidance here. My hub accepts that the ONLY reason he is allowed out is to clean, if there are health issues or for my amusement.

Maybe try and write a contract between you -I found it "outs" all the hidden assumptions and misunderstandings.

[Dev]

...until they realise what a rare priviledge it is to have a KH as a loving partner. The forums are stuffed with guys pining to be locked up and it seems obviously that there are significantly more men who want to be held chaste than there are women willing to indulge them.

This is a great insight. Thanks for this. And maybe to turn it around since I, like you, was the person who suggested it to my husband..."Consider yourself lucky. You have a wife who wants to be a keyholder, who is willing to do much of the work and research necessary to make this successful...who is willing to meet you more than halfway..." I don't mean this in a negative way. Clearly Ab is into chastity, even if he didn't have it as a years-long fantasy. He jumped on board really quick when I suggested it and has been very much into the game ever since. I just think we are going through a normal doldrum period and that has me rattled.

Keep strong - he probably needs your guidance here.

This is great advice. Thank you! I will keep this in mind.

Maybe try and write a contract between you -I found it "outs" all the hidden assumptions and misunderstandings.

He resists contracts (I am sure you saw my blog post about the contract we wrote for chastity--my 1600 word draft that got whittled down to 9 words...LOL) but we certainly talk things out. I need to work on keeping the communication channels really open. For example, I need to ask, "So, I missed giving you a ball massage the past two mornings. I got the feeling you didn't want one? Am I right?" and go from there.

I hope when I get home in a little while he's locked up and happy. That's the outcome I want, at least. I'll be curious to see what's waiting for me...

Just to update, when I got home he was locked up and seemed happy. He is still in the WM and hasn't taken it off for anything (even though he has access to the screwdriver). He did laugh a little and say he wonders if this will "change" him forever since it is smaller than the JB and it is a really snug fit (but not uncomfortable). But no complaints of pain or soreness that I was getting last week.

I think Ab is as into this as much as me. I just tend to be the person who overthinks things and worries. Is anyone here surprised to have me admit to that? LOL.

D

[Belle]

Dev, I totally am feeling your anxiety of him being "unlocked"! We are only using the honor system till the JB arrives, but I feel totally out of control with him on reprieve.

[davidphd1866]

Dev,

A couple of points: I believe Ab is utterly normal for having an ebb and flow in his desire to actually be under lock and key. Please also consider his "ejaculation-free" periods as part of the calculus. As an example, I have no plans whatsoever to spend my entire year under lock and key. I DO, however, plan to be ejaculation free during that period.

Point two: There's an expression not so often heard--and it is playing with fire, I know, that goes "true chastity doesn't begin until the moment the man wants it to end." Tread lightly, but it may be useful to keep in mind.

David

[Dev]

Belle, I just read your blog. I can completely understand your feeling of anxiety. I came home last night to discover Ab had taken off the WM (it was pinching, he said) and hadn't put it back on. He didn't put it on this morning, either. Our new agreement was that he had to be wearing something, whether the cock ring, JB, WM or even going back to the CB. So I was more than a little annoyed that he had gone off without anything and without asking permission.

I thought about sending a text or email and decided to hold off. I did send an email about going out to dinner tonight (which had been tentatively planned). They are predicting horrible weather this evening, however, and I'll be honest, Ab is a real homebody. Getting home and showering and then venturing out again especially when it's cold and rainy, is not his idea of fun.

Anyway, in response to my message, I received this:

I am sorry I was so snarkey last night.
It's your call. It is predicted to be pretty bad. I do have an alternate planed meal if you just want to come home.

So I think I'll tell him we can stay in, which I know will make him happy. But I am curious, will something be on when I get there?

David: thanks for those comments. Very useful. And I will definitely keep that expression in mind.

D

[Sarah]

So I think I'll tell him we can stay in, which I know will make him happy. But I am curious, will something be on when I get there?
D

Golly. The things I've missed!

Dev, someone said this a while back, and I tend to agree... it does look like you're maybe worrying too much about it. Male chastity is serious, but it doesn't have to be all po-faced and solemn.

Always remember if he refuses to play, then you don't get to play, either.

x

Sarah

[Dev]

Always remember if he refuses to play, then you don't get to play, either.

Yes, but I want to play. I am not ready to quit!

D

[Sarah]

Indeed, in which case it's in your interests to keep him interested in the game, too.

Lordy, even bonobos do that

x

Sarah

[Dev]

Indeed, in which case it's in your interests to keep him interested in the game, too.

Believe me, I am definitely trying!

As a quick update, I got home from work and he was wearing the locking cock ring. Our agreement was that he had to have something on so the cock ring qualifies. We also talked a little bit about the soreness and so on. His current thinking is that a daily break might be useful. He also wonders if there is a urine issue...drops get caught and cause irritation? That might be a stretch but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for this minute. So...keeping in line with our agreement, he's thinking that when he gets home, device is off, he showers, takes his nap and then when he gets up, locks something back on. I can go along with this, at least for the moment. Some guys take their device off to go biking; Ab wants it off for his afternoon nap.

I do think I worry more than I need to. He does seem to be into this as much as me and willing to make this work. I just...worry. That's me.

D

[Belle]

Glad to see that there is some compromise, at least for now. He seems willing to communicate things, so that is a large portion of the battle .