His Submissive Headspace

[Nikki6]

There have been a couple of times I let J have two orgasms a bit too close together. I had my reasons. From that, and talking it out, I've made some observations.

"bottoming out" as J describes it, takes him completely out of his submissive headspace and at first, also zeroes out his arousal level. So for a few days he doesn't want to submit to me, and he's not really driven to have sex and come either.

Now, you would think that once his libido returned, J would fall right back in line, but he doesn't. He just becomes aroused but no more in the mood to submit. As he describes it, it's like how he was before I became his keyholder. He would live in a state fluctuating from spent to aroused, and when even a little aroused would feel and urge (and entitlement) to have an orgasm. So now in this state, he kind of resents me and regrets making me his keyholder. It's hard for him to slip back into a submissive headspace.

So my question: What great ideas do you all have for getting a man to feel like he wants to be submissive again? What makes a submissive man happy to obey?

[Tom Allen]

Mrs Edge and I are not exactly D/s, but we discovered that if she had me lock back up immediately after an orgasm (that is, no resting overnight, no "Oh, you can wait until morning" or feeling sorry for me and giving me a little break), the next morning I'd be very aroused and full of desire again. There's something about being "forced" to do something I don't want to do that would put me into the correct headspace after a good night's sleep.

[Sam3655]

I have to agree with Tom with quickly locking back up. The wife did pretty much the same having sex with me Friday night, out of the cage Saturday and sex again Sunday morning. She did let me know Saturday in a firm voice I was getting locked back up Sunday morning. No if , ands or buts. Sunday morning she allowed me sex again but pressed all my buttons that I didn’t last long. Shower and relocking. When I joked about the next release she quickly shut me down. Even the slightest of annoyances were also shut down with threats of punishment. I think relocking quickly after the second orgasm gets the brain going back to being submissive but also the kh really taking control for the next couple days to set the trend going forward.

For me I was all aroused and closing in on sixty days which was exciting and now it’s just day two.

[TwistedMister]

You can add my vote for immediate re-lock being the best way to keep me on course as well. Alternatively, Mrs. Twisted has figured out how to give me [mostly 'ruined'] orgasms while still caged, which tends to leave me even hornier than I was before within a relatively short period of time.

I should also note that during long lockup periods with very limited orgasms, the orgasms seem to become 'weaker' and at least partially 'ruined' even if that is not the intention, which helps to quickly return me to 'highly aroused' status (along with immediate re-lock).

[Atone]

I have a little different experience and take on this, of course I invite @Michele to agree or not. My submissive "headspace" comes from being with and belonging to Michele. If I lose it at all after an orgasm it is minimal and / or very short lived. I actually feel like I become more submissive after I orgasm. Yes, sometimes I have to be aware of it and make sure I am still being attentive and doing what is expected, just thinking about that is all it takes. But that is lot of what being submissive is to me. It's not about Michele being dominant, although she is. Or about me "being" submissive passively. I am actively submissive, my head is in it. This is who I am and where I belong, I am comfortable here.

[jnuts]

I have actually found myself getting a little depressed after orgasm lately. After mine for sure and a little bit after hers as well. I think it has to do with the inevitable drop that will occur and the time it takes to get back to the previous state.

However, with lots of practice under my belt, my submission rarely drops anymore. Honestly it only drops if we are having an issue with the dynamic and maybe need to take a short break. Usually due to outside circumstances that require a lot of focus.

When I may be feeling a little less submissive than ideal, it is usually some stern commands from Belle that gets me back. And perhaps some purposeful deprivation. I don’t really wear a cage much anymore, but if Belle tells me that she will not be touching me for the next few days…and she continues to tease me by touching me everywhere but there. That kind of creates a mental cage and it gets me going. So I guess I agree with the immediate lockup. Mine just doesn’t involve a cage.

[sirmebane]

I didn't understand the "immediate lock up" technique until we tried it. I have a great aversion to being locked back up immediately after orgasm so I enjoy the break. The issue for us was that my wife is permissive and wants to make me happy so the "we can handle that tomorrow... or on Monday" usually turned into an unintentional break from chastity for a week or two. She thought I didn't want to be locked up anymore. I thought she didn't want to play so I took that as permission to do other things.

Nothing is more arousing nor do I feel more loved and cared for than when she insists that I lock up. What a weird bit of psychology that has developed in our relationship that with all that she does and how freely she shows her love for me, I feel the most connected to her when she closes the lock on my cage. In the moments after an orgasm, I feel a little embarrassed about the whole cage thing. All my sexual tension is gone. All of my submissiveness is gone. My desire to have repeated erections and orgasms in the next day or so is high. It is the time when I am MOST likely to cheat at the commitment I've made to my wife to be chaste for her.

I have gone so far as to apologize for being so weak that I need a cage to keep my hands off myself. She very cleverly pointed out that men have a strong sexual drive and so she is more than happy to help.

[lockedforfun]

I agree with the immediate re-lock. I suspect most guys want to stay unlocked for a while, but being forced to submit helps regain submissive head-space. The submission reminds him what he likes after all.

The other thing I would recommend is excessive teasing (and of course, denial) for a while. The orgasm reset his hormone balance and drained his horniness, so you want to re-establish those to get him back into his head-space. If you notice he's not receptive to your dominance, tease him. Rinse and repeat until he's back to where you want.

[Mr Pickle]

For me the down is short lived. Locked up quickly Head back in its place. C comes. My levels surge back.