A solution to Vulvodynia

Living the real life under lock and key
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Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:36 am

A solution to Vulvodynia

Post by Lucard »

Ok, so I'm not exactly new to chastity. I've played with previous girlfriends before. At one point 2-3 week lockups were not uncommon. But's it's been some years since I actually did anything serious. (and that goddamn sleep has always been very, very difficult!)

Fast forward to now. Two years ago I met my beautiful girlfriend. At this point I was the dominant one, I was looking for a more submissive woman. My girlfriend is a very sensitive woman and she really liked me. So she tried her best to be what I wanted. The sex was never really good, we never managed to meet spritually and emotionally. We never really connected sexually. But everything else was amazing!

After half a year, she unfortunately developed vulvodynia and PIV became non-existing. It's been really tough the last year. We have non-PIV sex once in a while, but the very sexual woman I met two years ago has never really come back. Yesterday she told me that something sort of broke around the half-year mark. She feels she has become more asexual. Part of it is definitely also because a lot of people (mostly women) lose some interest in sex in a LTR.

But for me it has been really, really tough. Man, I miss fucking!!! So tough that I've considered breaking up many times. But I love her and what we have together is incredibly rare to find. I'm 44 and I've been dating quite a lot. I really, really want to make this work.

Of course I thought about chastity before. But I never thought it was something for her.
Yesterday I sat down with her and told her how hard it is for me to have a relationship like this without PIV. We have talked about opening up the relationship before. And yesterday I was thinking about this again. She has talked about soft tantra experience she would like to have with others and I have talked about finding submissives girls to play with. We have talked a lot about this earlier.

But in a way, this has always been the easy way. Plan B. Something that might work, but also might divide us further.

Anyway, after some talk about our relationship, some hugging and kissing, I thought 'why not'. I guess I was a bit desperate. I told her about a fantasy I had a long time ago. "In this fantasy I had a girlfriend who had a lot of pain from vaginal intercourse. So she would keep me locked up in a chastity cage and be very insisting on it because normal sex hurt her".

This was a true fantasy I had long time ago. The feeling that this fantasy-girlfriend really wanted me to be locked up the whole time was incredibly sexy for me! Quite a weird situation to be in this exact situation now, but with a girlfriend who I didn't think would like it at all! She has been almost afraid to see what I keep in my toy box.

But when I told her about this she wasn't closed to the idea. When I told her that all my sexual energy could only come out through massaging her and giving her pleasure, she smiled and said 'that sounds quite nice'.

Another reason why I tought there was a slight chance she would embrace chastity is, that some months ago I was working with some tantric self-stimulation with the purpose of becoming multi-orgasmic. Some of those days I was incredibly horny and she said that she liked that very much! I abandoned that project for other reasons but that memory stuck.

I was electric and very happy all day yesterday! Didn't sleep too much either for exitement. But I try very, very hard not to overwhelm her now. From all I have read this is a very critical moment. But damn, it's hard...

This morning when we woke up and talked about the day she also said 'we should also look at this cock-cage thing...'

Very, very difficult not to push! I think right now it's mostly my fantasy for her. Something that might make it a bit easier that we don't have PIV. And she's probably mostly into it right now because she could see the happiness in my eyes.

But seriously, I think it could do a lot of good for her too. She has told me that it's very difficult for her, when she feels pushed to sex. When she reacts to my expectations. Or the expectations she thinks I have.

Wish me luck. I think there's a chance I'll be in a cage soon... I hope I don't mess this up!
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Re: A solution to Vulvodynia

Post by Sam3655 »

Good luck man. I am in a similar situation. Wife went through menopause and her hormones/libido became non existent. Also her bladder is loose in its cradle so PIV sex is painful to her for a few days. Needless to say it drove a bit of a wedge between us but we talked about it. She would then schedule once a week sex to be “fair” to me. But she wasn’t into it and it wasn’t good.

I introduced her to chastity and it took a while for her to embrace . She really likes the control and teasing aspects plus no guilt for not reciprocating as I am locked. She still tries to be fair but she is embracing chastity more and more. And our intimacy and sex have increased from maybe once every four to eight weeks to her having about four orgasms a week and I am averaging two a month.

Just take it slow and at her pace. Good luck.
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Re: A solution to Vulvodynia

Post by Lucard »

Thanks @Sam3655 . I'm happy to hear it works for you and her.

Yesterday I thought about how I presented it to her. And I had the idea that maybe I could have told her about it much better. Especially since she has been dating tantra men before me. And I know that she misses the gentle touching, the man taking a loooooong time touching her and also being able to really feel where she is emotionally.

It haven't been great at all of this. I guess like a lot of men I just wanted to get to the PIV part. But I also know that when I've been caged in earlier relationships, I have thoroughly enjoyed the sweet and painful pleasure of feeling my cock straining in my cage while touching her. So I don't see myself as a tantra-man, much more a kinky guy.

I told her the following, sort of tongue-in-cheek but completely honestly at the same time:

"Honey? There's one thing I've been thinking about. I think I'm actually a genuine tantra man deep down!

These are the reasons:
1. I actually think I don't need to come that often at all. I would actually like to conserve erotic energy. I want to be able to feel the hormones in my body, the ones I'm usually low on, as soon as I come.
2. I would like to focus more on your pleasure. I think I can get to a place where I can get immense pleasure from just touching you very slowly and gently. And maybe be touched very slowly and gently.
3. I think I would really like to give you long, oil massages, where I give myself plenty of time to use all this new energy in my body to awaken lust and passion in you.
4. I think maybe we don't need to focus so much on penetrative sex at all
5. I think I finally understand that you really mean it, when you say you don't care too much if my cock is hard or not (I still have performance anxiety)"

When I told her this, she commented that my heart was pounding really hard and fast.
And she said "Ok, let's try it".


But then she asked the most basic question of all: "I just don't understand why you want this?"

I think I have a million answers for that question. But what is the absolute core to this? Why is it that my mouth is dry, my body feels hot and my head is spinning? The simple answer is, that it's hot. But there's something way, way deeper in this for me.

I'll have to think about this. I've had a FLR relationship before and it was great. But I don't think that's what I want anymore. And my gf definitely doesn't want that. But I still want her to control my orgasms and erections in a more vanilla and possibly more spiritual way (if that is even possible).

How about you? What is it that makes you crave this lifestyle? What is that itch deep in the primal brain that it scratches?
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Re: A solution to Vulvodynia

Post by sherulestherooster »

My ex totally didn’t understand my denial fetish either. She had a low libido and I think the idea of denial play finally took hold when she wrapped her head around the fact that bedroom play without feeling an obligation to satisfy me excited her. For whatever reason, she was turned off by “expectations”.

Our first foray was what I’d call a “wifey weekend” where I would apply her vibrator or my tongue till she orgasmed. First time was a little awkward for her, “so now we just stop?!” And I think goes a little against feminine/maternal instincts - to care for others above herself. It was hot for me to have “sex is for the wife’s pleasure” and she wrapped her head around it pretty fast. She was pretty on board with me initiating foreplay, making her cum and then if she was tired, she felt ok with just falling asleep with a rock hard cock poking at her.

I’ve not heard of this condition but it’s hard for me to believe that a Hitachi wand couldn’t provide intense and reliable orgasms for her even without penetration (I must say, I normally did finger her if not have my cock in her for these sessions which intensified her climax). However, she would typically cum in 60 seconds or so with that toy. It was the only thing we did during her period, over her pad and she had some fantastic and intense climaxes.

Not sure I’m answering anything but wishing you luck.

As far as my femdom desires, mostly due to my love of role reversal. Sex is for womens pleasure only. So hot to me.
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