Question on approaching wife

Living the real life under lock and key
LuckyEddie
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by LuckyEddie »

spaniel86 wrote: Wed Jan 26, 2022 5:00 pm Hi everyone,

My question is, are there any of you out there for whom most of the above list did not apply, and somehow you were able to get your wife on board with chastity, and if so, what was your approach?

Thanks in advance for your considered responses!
Yeah, that would be me. Feel free to IM if you like, I have been working on her for coming up on a year, and things are actually progressing now, but its very time consuming and requires more patience than any 5 saints.

Eddie
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LuckyEddie
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by LuckyEddie »

KittensBoyToy wrote: Thu Jan 27, 2022 9:44 am book "Male Chastity: A Guide For Keyholders" inside and left it on her pillow one morning.

Three and a half years later M'Lady anything but vanilla. She is now Mistress and my Dominate.
Can I IM you re this book? I just gave it to my very vanilla wife and have some questions.

Eddie
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sls01234
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by sls01234 »

I stated off the wrong way by handing her the key then explaining it to her. I wouldn't advise this to anyone. It took a couple of months for her to ask me to put it on. Fast forward 10 years and three broken cages later. Now she tells me put it on and usually leaves me that way for a couple of months.
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sirmebane
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by sirmebane »

"There has been some mutual experimentation with kink in the past even if things were pretty vanilla prior to the introduction of chastity to the relationship"

A little but she hated it and it is always a special occasion followed by some 'why do you like that... stuff.'

"The woman has a reasonably high libido - i.e. open to or desiring orgasms at least 2-3 times a week"

No, not even in her 20's.

"She has touch as a “love language” so is happy to receive lots of physical attention, sexual or otherwise"

Yes, to a point this is accurate.

"The couple has reasonably open communication about sex"

Not unless open communication is, I'd like to try this... <sob> "I can't believe that I'm not enough for you." <sob>
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pottahawk
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by pottahawk »

I was so fortunate that my wife approached me about chastity. It made it so much easier. She said it all made sense once she read the material. For us its a lifestyle not a fantasy.
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KittensBoyToy
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by KittensBoyToy »

spaniel86 wrote: Thu Jan 27, 2022 10:28 am
When you presented that book to your wife was it more of a last ditch hit and hope or did you have any inkling it would actually turn things around for you and your wife completely? Would you say that it unleashed a hidden side of her or was it rather that it provided an outlet for a side of her personality you already knew of?
It was a 'last ditch hit and hope' effort. My thought, after reading about the effects of chastity, was that if I could control my masturbation I would focus more on her needs both in and out of the bedroom. The effects of my chastity and her taking control seemed to have awakened a sexual being in her that neither of us ever knew existed. To this day M'Lady continues to surprise me at times.
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spaniel86
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by spaniel86 »

Very interesting. I wonder how many people found themselves in this position…

As a general point when I browse this forum I am acutely aware that the regular posters who have successfully introduced chastity into their relationships are probably a self-selecting group, and what I really wonder is what the true success:failure rate is in this. I assume not everyone who lives this lifestyle participates in this forum and I also assume that the people who have failed and given up do not post regularly about this fact, so it would be a very difficult statistic to come by. I imagine @Tom Allen might have a view on this based on patterns of membership activity or his general omniscience around this topic?
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Tom Allen
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by Tom Allen »

I imagine @Tom Allen might have a view on this based on patterns of membership activity or his general omniscience around this topic?
I don't have hard numbers, but I think I have a sense of the pattern.

This particular group skews toward older and married/partnered couples. That means that most active participants have an active sexual relationship, and they have somehow stumbled across this group for questions and discussion. Most of them seem to have come here after having discovered a couple of the other larger chastity and bdsm oriented groups, and are here because we tend to be light on the kink. Most of the long time members are here because our group culture is such that chastity is used as an enhancement to an otherwise vanilla(ish) relationship.

So, yes, this is a mostly self selecting group because the members here have mostly already adopted it into their relationship. Some successfully, some not so much, many are just starting out.

Now, the more interesting question is how many people in the general population have tried introducing this, and what percentage have been successful... or shot down? Judging from what I've seen here, other forums, Reddit, etc., a lot of guys buy these things to fool around with them, and either lose interest, or can't convince their partners. I like to make a joke about how many cages are sitting in the back of the sock drawer.
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spaniel86
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by spaniel86 »

Now that would be an interesting question to know about everyone’s hiding places be that from their spouses or from their curious kids!

I have a drawer under my bed which ostensibly just contains a sleeping bag but if you put your hand all the way to the back of the drawer…
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DrPinotNoir
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Re: Question on approaching wife

Post by DrPinotNoir »

My wife was asexual (or so she thought) and went through menopause. Turns out she didnt like me pressuring her for sex. Put a cage on that wont come off.. I become a kitten and she has all the control. Now she really likes it and ordered a jailbird because she wants it permanent. Im still wrapping my head around turning over control to her. Jailbird should be here within 2 weeks. I can pick the lock on the one I have. a jailbird with a recessed security screw I think will be beyond my abilities to escape. She also started wearing my key 3 days ago. so that is a nice change too.

as to your question of approaching her? Hell this isnt that big of a deal. You might even find she likes it more than anything else previously.
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