spaniel86 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 26, 2022 5:00 pm
- The couple has reasonably open communication about sex
This is the biggest barrier to knock down... Without it, anytime you bring up chastity or orgasm denial can be a hard stop leaving her wondering what the heck is wrong with either you or, more likely, her.
Unfortunately, communication is a big problem in many marriages and not just talking about sex. And talking about sex for many is...complicated. There are lots of very ingrained norms and expectations. One of the hardest to overcome is that sex is something shameful to talk about or that anything other than "normal" sex is shameful. That is the way many of us were raised and I think it's even harder for women...
I read your Hello world post so have some of the details. My wife wasn't all that different and we had a lot of backwards steps... The first time my wife told me "No" to cumming, she cried afterward because I didn't(That sucked!), now, she would never go back but that has taken years overall. We all get wired differently with our upbringings and societal expectations. Getting over that idea of shame or the idea that anything other than normal sex makes you some kind of freak can be difficult.
Everyone will be a little different, A lot of discussions about sex are best had outside of the bedroom. Talking on the couch or at the table. Ask her questions instead of telling all your fantasies and find out what she thinks, what the resistance is. You'll likely hear lots of labels, weird, kinky, fetish, freak, etc. You have to work out how to destigmatize sexual things. The vast majority of my wife's issues were just along the lines of "that isn't normal". So? What is normal? Do we enjoy things? Then is OK. The great thing about no one talking about sex is none of its public!!
If you ever think its hard or embarrassing to talk about your fantasy, think about her. She has the same issues, likely worse from societal norms. Try to peel back the layers of that onion... and occasionally use a knife to get to the center when required.