Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

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nicknick
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Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by nicknick »

I am 28 years old and over the years and with no longlasting partner, I used (and use) to watch a lot of porn, escalating in intensity (Femdom to feminization to cuckolding to BBC cuckolding). In the end, regular penetrative sex, vaginal oral sex and other vanilla porn per se ended up seeming even boring, and that becomes a big problem.

Saying all that, I met this girl three months ago and well, after a lot of amazing dates, the other day for the first time I went to her house.

I didn't feel as much pressure like in other dates as we both like the same things in bed (BDSM) and she is very dominant, but I knew I was going to have problems to perform later. The build up, the tension before, she spanking me, the shower afterwards... I could get an erection, but not when it was required.
My guy didn't get much harder when she asked me to have sex or could maintain an erection, so I open up to her about how I feared sex because I was accustomed to a type of porn (specially cuckolding and bbc) and it's generally hard for me to get it up without that. Like I said, I am accustomed to a lot of sensations in porn and in the end the real thing it's like I am desensitized or have low libido.
She, being as caring as she is, understood all that and I got prompted to perform oral sex, so we both enjoyed sex still and cuddled a lot afterwards.

But I still want to perform for her in bed obviously. The days after it, I had some anxiety thinking I could lose her because of it, and was feeling like crap (even when she was understanding, but my mind can't help feeling insecurity over these matters). I discovered NoFap and Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction, so lately I've been avoiding all porn and specially the one I tend to consume. For some time I feared I had erectile disfunction for something physical, which is scary, but I think it's very much psycological, because I can achive it when masturbating.

Honestly it's frustrating and I would like to redirect all my sexual energy to her and feel the same libido I used to feel when I was younger, before porn. Would chastity help me with this?
Last edited by nicknick on Fri Sep 17, 2021 5:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
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sirmebane
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by sirmebane »

It might.

I'll start with the confession that I've never had this type of issue but I've certainly heard of men becoming more and more desensitized to sexual cues when the porn has to become more severe to continue to get a rise. I'm assuming it is like the drug addict or alcoholic that has to take a stronger and stronger dose to feel the same effect. The ease with which porn (even hardcore porn) is available via the Internet just makes the horny kid in all of us want to consume it more frequently. I have a similar issue when there are potato chips in the house, not going to go out and buy them but if they are there... we'll I'm going to put a hurting on the bag.

You've felt the embarrassment of explaining this problem to your new lady and she has been understanding and thoughtful. You're reading resources like NoFap which gives a start on recovery. No one here will tell you that a cage can prevent an orgasm since they don't but it is an impediment to the ease with which you can stroke and a constant reminder of where your focus should be.

Many of us get to a point where it is simply easier to pleasure ourselves, self-service our own fantasies and spend energy chasing that high that doesn't involve someone else. We have all done it and to a point, it can be healthy as any sexual expression but then it becomes an addiction or 'just simpler' to not have involve someone else.

She's busy. She's having her period. She's tired. She's mad. She's <insert 100 excuses here>. I'm horny and I want that urge to ejaculate to go away so I know how to fix it. It is easy and usually pretty quick so why not?

You're different in that you're in a new relationship and even better she shares your kinks. What a wild strike of lightning you've found there! How awesome for you. I'd consider introducing her to the concept of chastity and going through a reset period where sex is when she teases you and you pleasure her without hint or hope of orgasm. Whether that is a wild week, a month or several months (shorter is better if this is your first time, you can make it longer later) you two decide what you want to try and go for it. You have said you already put away the porn and want to focus on her which is exactly what you should do.

Whether you're chaste through will power (not something I have been successful doing) or being caged, you'll find many here that have dramatically changed the course of their relationship. I'm 30 years your senior and after three kids, sex was become something where we looked at each other and said, "when did we do that last? I don't remember." I wasn't going without but she was and the inevitable disconnect just happens when you've been married for that long. You're on the other end of the spectrum but the principle still applies. If you both commit to it chastity can do wonders for a relationship.
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nicknick
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by nicknick »

Thanks for the extremely thoughful comment and the suggestions ^^ The comparation to drug or alcohol is very on point,though I never had a bad opinion about porn and I think that kinks you discover through it can of course be healthy in a relationship, is that abuse and need of a certain porn to be able to be turned on... that I think is a very problematic issue. It becomes like a drug where you can consume it to relieve tension and you depend on it to feel desire.

"I have a similar issue when there are potato chips in the house, not going to go out and buy them but if they are there... we'll I'm going to put a hurting on the bag."
xDDDD Yeah, I am exactly the same. That's another interesting topic related to avoiding the Obesogenic Exposure you encounter when you go to the supermarket xD If your house is overflowing with junk food "just in case", you are going to fall on it 100% of the time

"Many of us get to a point where it is simply easier to pleasure ourselves, self-service our own fantasies and spend energy chasing that high that doesn't involve someone else. We have all done it and to a point, it can be healthy as any sexual expression but then it becomes an addiction or 'just simpler' to not have involve someone else.
She's busy. She's having her period. She's tired. She's mad. She's <insert 100 excuses here>. I'm horny and I want that urge to ejaculate to go away so I know how to fix it. It is easy and usually pretty quick so why not?"

Indeed, I think also related to the present "seek of instant gratification" and everything having to be readily available, why you should be denied of an orgasm with so much porn a click away? I have to say it's very hard to actively avoid porn now that I am doing this. I discover myself at times fantazicing about porn xD

"I'd consider introducing her to the concept of chastity and going through a reset period where sex is when she teases you and you pleasure her without hint or hope of orgasm. Whether that is a wild week, a month or several months (shorter is better if this is your first time, you can make it longer later) you two decide what you want to try and go for it. You have said you already put away the porn and want to focus on her which is exactly what you should do."
Will try to suggest her this if she wants, thanks!

"Whether you're chaste through will power (not something I have been successful doing) or being caged, you'll find many here that have dramatically changed the course of their relationship. I'm 30 years your senior and after three kids, sex was become something where we looked at each other and said, "when did we do that last? I don't remember." I wasn't going without but she was and the inevitable disconnect just happens when you've been married for that long. You're on the other end of the spectrum but the principle still applies. If you both commit to it chastity can do wonders for a relationship."
Yeah, that disconnection tends to happen when only one is used to porn. And really glad your relationship with your wife improved because of something as small as a chastity cage. Generally, meeting better the needs of your partner is not that difficult, just needs communication and a little change (though asking a guy to not masturbate to porn can be more than a little change I guess xDDD)
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by SwedInLoriTube »

Maybe this is off topic but I have always been terrible I bed the first times with someone new. Takes a few times to become safe and find you’re way around this new persons body. Sex is in the brain. We have a subconscious that we can’t control.

Congrats to you brave act of being honest and open to her about our porn habit. Honesty is what makes girls tick. It’s not your first time wood that makes her feel if she want to see you again or not. It’s honesty.

Also, a dominant girl into bdsm, it’s not that easy to find the right guy! You are probably a really good match for her. Don’t lower yourself. She might feel she has just found the right guy!

Chastity might be a great idea! Pitch it to her as a way of getting over your insecurity. It is also a way of showing her that she is important to you. That you serious and hers if she wants. What more can a girl ask for?

I hope this works out for (both of) you! All the best.
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by Mr Pickle »

Now I have had this type of issue, or something very similar. I joined a no fap site which did little. I do wonder now if it was more a performance anxiety thing.
Yes it made a difference in the following ways:
If C told me I would be 'sorting her out but she was keeping me caged, it took away the preasure of requiring an erection, so I didn't worry about it. Needless to say I was bulging in the cage and when C did suddenly change her mind I would have a rod of steel.
In short. She made me desperate.
Also, if I was then told I was not allowed to orgasm, I would have to fight it back whereas being given free reign I would likley penile collapse before I was done.

But. If Im simply let out and expected to perform.. Its a gamble.

Caged for long enough.. Yes, always able to get hard. Told not to come and I can sustain it.

Over the last 2 years I have improved and those problems seem to be in the past.

It's all about headology.
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by Engineer »

Will chastity solve it? maybe, maybe not. It can help in different ways, but the answer is ultimately, it depends.

I've gone down that rabbit hole a bit in the past, looking into increasingly more extreme porn. This was before we got into orgasm denial/chastity (but not the reason).

Close out of it altogether for a month. Avoid masturbation as much as possible for a while. Force any masturbation to be to from mental images or things like "The Chive" level of hotness. I think you'll find that you can reset yourself fairly quickly. You'll have to avoid going down that edgier porn rabbit hole for a while to really reset. Masturbation also has its effects because you tend to create a lot more forces and pressures than the real thing, so you aren't as sensitized by it it more.

I did that and found myself back to be turned on by normal things pretty easily.
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by TwistedMister »

Oddly enough, I used to spend considerable time looking at and collecting pictures, and later videos (when bandwidth was sufficient), but now it's like "Meh. I've seen just about every kind of thing there is to see." Just looking at it pales in comparison to actually experiencing it.
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by CockBlocked »

It's all in your head. As for the cock cage, you should totally be locked up for failing to please your woman especially since y'all are both into kinky stuff.
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by Lock me »

CockBlocked wrote: Mon Nov 01, 2021 9:07 am It's all in your head.
First of all, you have trained your brain to be aroused in certain circumstances. If you were masturbating to these videos, you programmed the input needed to get and orgasm over time. Now, actually being with someone and engaging in normal sexual activity does not "fit the arousal programming"; so performance issues. I think you need to reprogram yourself. Our brains are able to relate imagery with responses. Think about police doing shoot/no shoot simulations, or airline pilots doing simulations. They saw or did it in the simulation and that's how they react in real life.

You used visual stimulation and masturbated to it to create the problem, why not use it to fix the problem? Get some pictures of your GF on the screen and imagine a normal sex scenario- kissing, breast play, intercourse, etc. Look at her pictures while imagining the sex scenario you want with her and masturbate. Don't stray off into kink or something else, just focus on her and the scenario of normal sex. It may be possible to reprogram yourself by orgasming while looking at her and imagining "normal sex".

That said, chastity is not going to help at first. You need to be free to masturbate while fantasizing about her. But, you have to get porn and "other" fantasies out of the picture, which is why I assume you are asking about chastity? I personally used chastity to stop masturbating altogether. I locked myself up while we were dating to help with my delayed ejaculation (from masturbation) problem. She wasn't liking the idea at all, but we didn't live together and all she was doing was keeping the key between dates. Ultimately, you and your girl are going to have to figure this out together. Just tell her what is going on, and that you want to fix it! Involve her with the formulation of the plan to fix it and it will be much easier and you will feel more relaxed having her onboard.
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Re: Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Can chastity help with this?

Post by JimR »

Great advice already posted, which I won't repeat.

From my perspective, total elimination of porn is the important first step. Caging between opportunities for sex may very well help with ED and any performance anxiety. I know for me, its a total turn on. If ED continues to be an issue, prescription meds, and physical help, via cock rings, pump, and even splint type devices (available on Amazon..really) might help, until you feel more comfortable with your performance. Good luck.
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