Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Living the real life under lock and key
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Lady M
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by Lady M »

It's interesting... I wanted to respond here but realized it's not even 6am and I didn't want to write that much... So I was like, I'll go find a good blog post that we posted and while looking through my searches, I realized... There are 7 years worth of writing about why I enjoy having my hubby locked and what I get out of it. There are a lot of reasons, why's, how's, what's, etc so I couldn't just pick a few to write here.

The biggest reason is control but if you want to know more, in depth, check out the blog in my signature. 🙂❤️❤️
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Lady: Wife & Keyholder to cagedmonkey who is locked 24/7
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Obmon
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by Obmon »

I will most certainly read your blog.. And i will try to get my missus to read it too!
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Sammy
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by Sammy »

Why do I do it -- as a Keyholder.

Well... we started this based on dear husband (DH)'s request. We started it a few times until we finally got it right. I can't say I started this willingly, but it has opened up a new level of intimacy in our relationship. I can't say its been a bed of roses, and there's definitely work involved, but all relationships require some sort of work. For me, it has clarified things, and allowed me to become comfortable with my own body as I age, knowing that I'm desired, and knowing that I'm in control of my (and his) sexual journey. Remember that first time you ever had a really steamy make-out session back when you were a teen or in your early 20's -- lots of grabbing, groping. It was passionate and urgent.... Yeah, we've found that. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens, and the reason it happens is because of the anticipation that is created by some carefully crafted stainless steel elements, combined with the power of that big bit of grey matter between your ears.

I don't write often on this main forum, as I've come to understand that everyone takes a different journey -- and I don't want to impose upon others what has worked for us (nor do I want others to impose upon me and DH their own key to success). I do see this as a place to share the ups, downs, and best practices, and I appreciate those who started it many years ago.
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Obmon
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by Obmon »

I love your response sammy.. Thank you, and the end result is what im looking for too.

If I may ask one question, what went wrong those few times that you had to work through before getting it right? It seems that the answer might contain some excellent advice.
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Sammy
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by Sammy »

Obmon wrote: Tue Oct 13, 2020 10:33 am I love your response sammy.. Thank you, and the end result is what im looking for too.

If I may ask one question, what went wrong those few times that you had to work through before getting it right? It seems that the answer might contain some excellent advice.
Obmon -- you asked for it, you got it. I apologize if I sound a little curt here, but I've been dying to say this in this forum for quite some time....

Simply put what went wrong the first few times was -- Topping from the bottom.

DH fantasized and fetishized this long before he introduced it to me. I then spent some time wrapping my head around it, seeing how it works (and for you guys -- we generally don't see your little cocks when they're all tiny and wrapped away in an undersized metal device, so it kind of is a little shocking for us to think that you'd actually WANT that). I grew up reading Cosmo which came with tips to get you hard, not tips to get you all flaccid and locked away.

And then, as soon as I had a bit of comfort with the concept and practice, DH started buying me lingerie, leather, and sextoys that I neither asked for, nor felt comfortable with. And just as an aside, I want to let you all that we feel sexy in what we feel sexy in -- and rarely (at least in my case) is that a leather bustier with buckles that grind into my stomach unless I'm standing stock-straight. And it isn't stay-up stockings that are cheap (because he bought them online) and the one side doesn't stay up, and now in my head I'm asking if its because my thighs are too thick and they stretched out the elastic. And if you don't think that these and 100 thousand other thoughts don't go through your girlfriend's or wive's brain every day with every clothing choice they make, then you're not listening.

Then he asked me to say things that -- while hot to him -- sounded either insipidd and made me want to burst out in laughter , or would have caused my mother to wash out my mouth with soap when I was younger. And then he would ask to be unlocked for whatever reason ("I'm going to a football game with the guys and there's a metal detector..." is one that stood out to me... ). And then he'd complain because he was locked up, but I wasn't teasing him as often as he would have liked.

That's what I mean by "topping from the bottom". And I don't know if I can speak on behalf of the other keyholders here, but its annoying as Hell.

We just went and changed our OWN perception of what intimacy is, what relationship boundaries are, what expectations are, and now we have the added responsibility of holding on to a key and keeping you properly teased, and now I have to wear a costume, read a script, and wield a paddle, but ONLY when its convenient for you? I'm busy raising kids and making dinner, and signing permission slips for school trips, sewing Halloween costumes, and making sure the bills are paid on time and holding down a full time job, and quite frankly making sure that DH was teased the requisite number of times a day was one of the last things on my mind. But you know, Heaven forbid I didn't stick to the script, or he'd become petulant, and then Friday night instead of relaxing with a glass of wine with some silly romcom while my little chastity boy was rubbing my feet and all those things he promised me when I took the key, we'd be discussing the shortcomings of our chastity relationship, and 9 times out of 10, the "to do" list coming out of it would be 100% me.

Do you see where I'm going here? Hope so. For those of you who are fantasizing about this, this is the dark seemy underside of what its like to be "offered a key" that comes with a list of demands and conditions.

So after a few missteps, a few back and forths, I told DH that we were moving forward with this, but this time using my rules. There would be no more outfits or unlock me so I can do XYZ or whatever the case might be. If I decide DH is locked, he's locked. If I get tired of it, he gets unlocked, and he doesn't get locked until it is my idea to do so. Sure we've expanded it to include other elements but we do so when I decide its needed, and not when he just watched some fantasyfest on Xtube.

I've grown into it as well -- I remind him on a daily basis what the status of our relationship is, but I've become comfortable in doing so because its on my terms. As I mentioned above, I've gotten a lot more comfortable with who I am as a woman, a wife, a keyholder. Yes, now that I'm more comfortable, I might put on something special, or say something that would have made my mother blush. In that way its been cathartic, but remember, we're 6 years into this, and you can't expect your honey to have that "lightbulb" moment on day 1, day 30, or even day 365.

And.... like I said, its worked out for us. So that's the most I've ever shared on this forum. I hope it was helpful to all of you. If it wasn't helpful, I'm sorry, but its what has worked for us now for several years. Its our own organic version of a chastity relationship that has taken us about 6 years to fully develop. It isn't what I envisioned when we started, and I know it is waaaay different than what he had fetishized before he introduced it to me either.

So that's your answer. I honestly wish you the best in finding your way in this forest.

And finally to all the other chastity-aspirants out there. Please please please, do NOT PM me. I don't hold keys other than DH. I don't dispense relationship advice (other than the info dump you just got), I don't want to see pictures of your cage or hear about how your version of chastity is better than the one I have with the man I love.

For the other keyholders (or potential keyholders out there), we do have a keyholders forum on this board to which you can apply. It isn't the best attended, or the most read / most responded to, but it is a safe space for you to ask questions of those of us who've gone down this road.

Sammy
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locked4her55
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by locked4her55 »

Sammy. . . touche

Been part of this Forum for over 10 years now and that's about the most honesty I've ever read.

You and my wife (Keeperof55) would have a lot to talk about.
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Obmon
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Re: Why do you do it? Caged and keyholder alike..

Post by Obmon »

Sammy wrote: Tue Oct 13, 2020 2:45 pm ....
Sammy
Thank you! Honestly thank you! That is the sort of stuff I want to read.

I am very well aware of what you speak of. I read about it, and decided early on that I needed to be conscious of that. I appreciate the focus you put on it though, and how it meant for you personally.

I do come from a slightly unique perspective in that I have never fetishized a cock cage or submission such as this until very recently. Not until I met my future wife to be about 2 and half months ago.

We bonded at the beginning over other kinks. It was I who changed the more I got to know her. And pretty quick too.

I am doing my best to psychologically approach this lifestyle as real submission.. Not just something sexual. Being honest with myself about what I want, which is the right woman to love unconditionally. I can only achieve that if I don't top from the bottom. I have asked for her advice, and even for a direct decision, on other, non-sexual matters and I enjoy that just as much. She has been right so far! :lol:

Funny thing is she is a submissive herself, and is very new to all this. Even more than I am. So I try to catch myself.. Not push.. And only remind her that I have it on while telling her how I feel about it. I try to leave all other ideas and decisions to her and I am willing to take my time while she goes on the journey you described. After all, that's kind of the whole point. Giving it up means it's no longer up to me and now I'm just along for the ride.

Thanks again for your reply.
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