the female POV on chastity- thoughts

[thewave22]

I have been fantasizing about chastity as a life style from the moment i got the idea of what that is.
i was mainly thinking that it would be best to differentiate the fantasy in my head (porn etc) from the real life.
main reason being, that from my (not so big) experience- your girl wants your dick, most of the time she needs a dick and it might as well be yours. deny her of dick- she will give you problems.
So if we start chastity, what it means for her is- no dick (or barely), which is a built-in bummer for her in the chastity system.
I can talk it through with my GF but bottom line is still 'no dick for you' and the rest is just making sure i have my denial fun while she... is not, she have a good sex drive, what can she do in a chastity relationship? do any of you had to overcome this?
I assume that maybe it requires the woman to be of certain type (dom, aggressive, powerful nature, low need for dick), or have her want it as much as you from the first place and it is pretty much no prob. and if she is not "the type" will it be relevant to enter chastity anyways?
But yet i think most of woman just want the D.

im sharing my thoughts with you, to hear from your experience so please share what comes up to your mind when you read this lines as i am looking for points of view and records of experience.
I also trying to make my mind about rather sharing my kink with my gf or not, she is very sweet, very conservative, not much bed experience, younger than me and very feminine, just the opposite of the classic chastity dominator in my head.
So should i share?

Thank you.

[Tom Allen]

There is a "chastity trope" that women prefer to lock their men up and just receive oral, but in real life that's not always true. Mrs Edge actually prefers PIV, so our solution was to invest in a very good quality dildo to wear with a harness. It allows her to enjoy frequent lovemaking, while maintaining her fantasy of my long term (or possibly permanent) lockup.

On my end, it's been exciting, and I'm very happy to go along with it.

[thewave22]

There is a "chastity trope" that women prefer to lock their men up and just receive oral, but in real life that's not always true. Mrs Edge actually prefers PIV, so our solution was to invest in a very good quality dildo to wear with a harness. It allows her to enjoy frequent lovemaking, while maintaining her fantasy of my long term (or possibly permanent) lockup.

On my end, it's been exciting, and I'm very happy to go along with it.

Does the dildo good enough or did she had to compromise?
How did she responded/ act at the early of your chastity experience?

[nosaint]

I'll second getting a good, dual density (Vixskin in our case) dildo. Just tried it with a harness last week and she loved it. But it's also good when combined with my tongue. However, she still likes me (mercifully) So practice self control. Stop before it's too late. Of course, after last week, she may change her mind about which is her favorite cock. One nice thing about dildo's, she can pick the size she wants. Almost all are larger than average, and there is no worry about it lasting long enough.

[TwistedMister]

...from my (not so big) experience- your girl wants your dick, most of the time she needs a dick and it might as well be yours. deny her of dick- she will give you problems.
So if we start chastity, what it means for her is- no dick (or barely), which is a built-in bummer for her in the chastity system...So should i share?

You are making a mistake in thinking it *has* to mean 'no dick for her'. It doesn't even have to mean 'no dick for her' if your idea of 'chastity' means 'no pussy for you'. Is that what you are looking for? Does your idea of 'chastity' mean that you want to be denied the ability to perform coitus for some [extended?] period of time?

In its most basic form, 'chastity' (device enforced) could simply mean that she holds the key and she gets your dick at the frequency she prefers. You could certainly approach it from that angle, even if you have the desire to be denied PIV/orgasm for some longer periods of time. It could be that she would be more than happy to have you satisfy her with a strap-on like @Tom Allen and Mrs. Edge, while only rarely allowing you the pleasure of her pussy...but you won't know that until you begin exploring with her.

There is no standard/fixed way of 'doing' chastity, not for everyone, and not even for the same people over a period of time. You could start out 'doing it' one way, and (as each of your preferences change or are discovered) it could morph into something entirely different. You need to explore, and find a way (or some ways) to satisfy whatever desires each of you may have.

There are even ways that 'your girl' could enjoy 'your dick' while you get somewhat less 'satisfaction' from the experience- numbing creams (with or without a condom) can allow your girl to get as much of your dick as she wants...even if you don't feel a bit of pleasure from it and she locks it back up without you having an orgasm.

When Mrs. Twisted and I started out exploring more than 20 years ago, 'chastity' and 'denial' were for only a few hours, at most, generally ending with PIV after she had had as much oral pleasure as she wanted. Over time, that has changed and the denial periods for me have become longer. Also, somewhere along the way, the idea crept in of Mrs. Twisted enjoying *other* dicks, while mine remained locked in chastity, and this idea is *very* arousing for her...and, despite the fact that once upon a time I would have been very upset at that thought***, somewhere along the way it has become very arousing for *me* as well, though these desires have not [yet] been satisfied.

***(Mrs. Twisted and I have been 'involved' for more than 35 years now. There were some rocky roads in the beginning, perhaps the first 10 years or so, when we had several 'breaks' where she was seeing other guys. A turning point may have occurred during one of these 'breaks' when a guy she was seeing turned violent towards her, he was stalking her, armed with a pistol, and she called me for help. As it turned out, the idea that she was fucking this other guy became much less important [to me] than the fact that this asshole was trying to hurt her.

Ever her 'knight in shining(?) armor', I came riding to her rescue and caught up with him waiting outside of the place she worked, a 'secure' location with only one way in and one way out- he couldn't get in, but she couldn't get out either. A high-speed chase through several towns/cities ensued, and the situation was resolved when I challenged him to a gunfight. {Having been confirmed as one of the 'fastest guns in the East' by the MCJTC Police Combat Pistol course and several 'real life' encounters, it was really not much of a contest.} Ultimately, he went to prison and I won the lady's hand.

The point of this, is that, while for most people the idea of one's spouse/significant other fucking someone else might be an unforgivable offense, for me, her happiness and welfare are much more important than who she might be fucking...and, together with some other [previously unrecognized] characteristics and kinks that pre-date this incident it has actually become erotic. It certainly isn't for everyone, but this board and some others have taught me that there are many others who *do* 'enjoy' this particular kink.)

[thewave22]

...from my (not so big) experience- your girl wants your dick, most of the time she needs a dick and it might as well be yours. deny her of dick- she will give you problems.
So if we start chastity, what it means for her is- no dick (or barely), which is a built-in bummer for her in the chastity system...So should i share?

You are making a mistake in thinking it *has* to mean 'no dick for her'. It doesn't even have to mean 'no dick for her' if your idea of 'chastity' means 'no pussy for you'. Is that what you are looking for? Does your idea of 'chastity' mean that you want to be denied the ability to perform coitus for some [extended?] period of time?

In its most basic form, 'chastity' (device enforced) could simply mean that she holds the key and she gets your dick at the frequency she prefers. You could certainly approach it from that angle, even if you have the desire to be denied PIV/orgasm for some longer periods of time. It could be that she would be more than happy to have you satisfy her with a strap-on like @Tom Allen and Mrs. Edge, while only rarely allowing you the pleasure of her pussy...but you won't know that until you begin exploring with her.

There is no standard/fixed way of 'doing' chastity, not for everyone, and not even for the same people over a period of time. You could start out 'doing it' one way, and (as each of your preferences change or are discovered) it could morph into something entirely different. You need to explore, and find a way (or some ways) to satisfy whatever desires each of you may have.

There are even ways that 'your girl' could enjoy 'your dick' while you get somewhat less 'satisfaction' from the experience- numbing creams (with or without a condom) can allow your girl to get as much of your dick as she wants...even if you don't feel a bit of pleasure from it and she locks it back up without you having an orgasm.

When Mrs. Twisted and I started out exploring more than 20 years ago, 'chastity' and 'denial' were for only a few hours, at most, generally ending with PIV after she had had as much oral pleasure as she wanted. Over time, that has changed and the denial periods for me have become longer. Also, somewhere along the way, the idea crept in of Mrs. Twisted enjoying *other* dicks, while mine remained locked in chastity, and this idea is *very* arousing for her...and, despite the fact that once upon a time I would have been very upset at that thought***, somewhere along the way it has become very arousing for *me* as well, though these desires have not [yet] been satisfied.

***(Mrs. Twisted and I have been 'involved' for more than 35 years now. There were some rocky roads in the beginning, perhaps the first 10 years or so, when we had several 'breaks' where she was seeing other guys. A turning point may have occurred during one of these 'breaks' when a guy she was seeing turned violent towards her, he was stalking her, armed with a pistol, and she called me for help. As it turned out, the idea that she was fucking this other guy became much less important [to me] than the fact that this asshole was trying to hurt her.

Ever her 'knight in shining(?) armor', I came riding to her rescue and caught up with him waiting outside of the place she worked, a 'secure' location with only one way in and one way out- he couldn't get in, but she couldn't get out either. A high-speed chase through several towns/cities ensued, and the situation was resolved when I challenged him to a gunfight. {Having been confirmed as one of the 'fastest guns in the East' by the MCJTC Police Combat Pistol course and several 'real life' encounters, it was really not much of a contest.} Ultimately, he went to prison and I won the lady's hand.

The point of this, is that, while for most people the idea of one's spouse/significant other fucking someone else might be an unforgivable offense, for me, her happiness and welfare are much more important than who she might be fucking...and, together with some other [previously unrecognized] characteristics and kinks that pre-date this incident it has actually become erotic. It certainly isn't for everyone, but this board and some others have taught me that there are many others who *do* 'enjoy' this particular kink.)

interesting, even though cuckolding is not my thing at all.
were you locked all this while in the first 10 years?
if you do, what was the dynamic of the relationship? how often will you two meet or talk?

I'll second getting a good, dual density (Vixskin in our case) dildo. Just tried it with a harness last week and she loved it. But it's also good when combined with my tongue. However, she still likes me (mercifully) So practice self control. Stop before it's too late. Of course, after last week, she may change her mind about which is her favorite cock. One nice thing about dildo's, she can pick the size she wants. Almost all are larger than average, and there is no worry about it lasting long enough.

how did you guys started out? was your girl characteristics anything similar to what i mentioned? (dom, powerfull... etc) or have she got into it along the way?

[Tom Allen]

Does the dildo good enough or did she had to compromise?
How did she responded/ act at the early of your chastity experience?

The Vixskin line is *very* lifelike, and we bought a model what was very similar to me. Turned out to not be much of a compromise at all.

[TwistedMister]

interesting, even though cuckolding is not my thing at all.
were you locked all this while in the first 10 years?
if you do, what was the dynamic of the relationship? how often will you two meet or talk?

No, I had no idea of the concept of 'male chastity devices', and I don't think that there were even any commercially available at that time.

As far as the 'dynamics', during at least two of those times it happened that we both worked together, at one time it was at a secret research facility (DARPA) where such relationships between personnel in our positions were forbidden, another time it was at a private concern. We saw each other nearly every day and remained polite toward each other. I didn't see how being antagonistic or making an ass of myself toward her was going to improve the situation, I felt it was necessary to let her make her own choices.

In the case of Mr. Asshole, I was working as an investigator as well as at the private concern, and someone provided me with certain information regarding him which was...alarming...to put it mildly. I duly passed on the information to her and warned her to be careful. Later, she told me that, at the time, she thought I was just trying to be a dick to bad-mouth him with the intent of turning her against him. Of course, after his true nature came to light, she realized that I was, indeed, only concerned for her welfare.

[slave d]

Like several others here MsM is a total fan of Vixskin, has three of them now, two used regularly and one just for anal (on Her not me). Personally i don’t know many 65 year old women who have sex at least three times a week and always orgasm, often as per yesterday, five times (orgasms). My cock (now Her cock actually) has only been inside Her about 4 times in the past 4 years and that was simply to tease me by reminding me what it feels like.

So, does She need my/Her cock ? absolutely not, in fact She regularly tells me how much better Her “Bucks” are than me. Incidentally She doesn’t like oral sex much except for a quick warm up before using Her Buck and She’s never cum from oral.

One big thing to point out is that we’re all different, that’s what makes life exciting !! So your experience may and probably will be totally different !!!

MsM’s ld

[Skip]

Two things I want to share on the topics you raise, @thewave22:

My KH didn't appear to have a dominant bone in her body at first, in fact, our relationship started on the very opposite side of the spectrum - she was submissive to me, enjoyed rough sex, being tied down, choked, "forced" (with consent of course), things like that. Extremely nice outside the bed too, and to a degree, she keeps those kinks and her mother-like demeanor even now, when we are exploring chastity play. I think what she enjoys more than the D/s thing is the degree of control it gives her, and while we have together discovered her dominant/sadistic side, her favorite part seems to be that she's able to make the decisions. Like many people who end up in a relationship like that, I have a high-power position at my job and make way too many decisions, often very important, during the day. So the exchange of giving her (normally a submissive) the decision making power so that I (normally a dominant) can enjoy not having to make them seems to be what is fun about it. We recently had a talk about it, and I explained to her that this doesn't need to mean that she's always "a domme" in the bedroom, if she wants, she can unlock me and ask me to give her a rough fucking, tie her up and abuse her, whatever she wants - I enjoy all those things too.

I also enjoy being spanked, tied down, abused, I enjoy serving her, giving her foot massages, all that stuff - but the thing I enjoy the most is giving up control. That can be done even if 99 percent of actually having sex or doing sexual things in or outside the bedroom is completely vanilla. The beautiful thing about chastity is that it frees the lady of a lot of the pressure, guy demanding sex, etc. That's really the only "given", the rest is totally up to the pair, to how the relationship works.

On my second point, you mention "the girl" wanting "the dick" and her basically being denied of that just as much as the guy is - well, this depends on the libido levels in the relationship, but referring again to my point above of giving up control - it's quite simple. If she wants the dick, she gets it. If she wants something else and that's enough for her, even better. But if not, I don't feel like this takes away from the kink. I have a very strong libido and in previous relationships, I would demand some form of intimacy leading up to my own orgasm once a day, sometimes twice a day (especially when the girlfriend was ovulating, which I always could feel very clearly - I am basically a walking test for ovulation). When relationship-less, I would masturbate at least twice daily, sometimes more, and this is not to brag but to demonstrate that I have a high sex drive. As you'd expect, none of my partners have had that, and my current KH comes close, but does not match mine at all. In the best of times, during her ovulation, it's almost equal. So what happens?

During her ovulation, I'm basically in heaven - so much teasing, some denial, etc, and I would probably be released a more often if she didn't want to basically fulfill my wishes, if she was a little more "selfish" (which I want her to). And then during the "normal times" it's at a perfect balance, and then when she's on her period I am totally denied - with teasing happening only for my benefit, really. But everyone will be different, and the schedule will be different, etc - what I'm saying is that chastity empowers her to have it when she wants it, and deny me when she doesn't -- and it works out for us. Anyone else's experience may be different, but again - I think it can work, it's just a matter of adjusting to individual preferences.

All in all, I don't believe that chastity is, at its core, a story of denial. A lot of us here experience that and enjoy that, and it's part of our routines, but I feel like ultimately it's about control. About giving up the traditional role of the one who initiates sex and even demands it, and enjoying that loss of control.