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Big respect to those using the honour system

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 3:21 am
by JamesandLucy
Last night Lucy told me to unlock before bed, and she edged me twice before she rolled over and went to sleep, leaving me unlocked and denied but with strict instructions not to touch myself in the night.

Whilst it's "only" been 12 days since my last orgasm, I was incredibly horny all night, and frequently woke with a hard-on. It made me wonder how those people using the honour system manage to refrain from breaking their chastity vows, and it certainly gave me a lot of respect for them.

James.

Re: Big respect to those using the honour system

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 7:19 am
by Schnoff
Congratulations, that’s difficult! I’m on “the honor system”, and I am no good at keeping hands off myself. The best I manage to do is not to stroke, to avoid anything that could get me to an edge.

> It made me wonder how those people using the honour system manage to refrain from breaking their chastity vows

I can only speak for myself, and have done so at length.

First, I don’t refrain from breaking my promises. I work to keep my promises. That may seem like splitting hairs: And, the emotional difference between those two statements is huge.

In a nutshell, there was trial and error, and error, and error. We had to switch from a failure mindset to a growth mindset, both of us. We found a daily routine that gives me positive reinforcement, and with that, we were able to modify behavior. I think it took roughly 5 years, all in all. With lessons learned, I think it could have been 1 to 2 years, had we known what works ahead of time.

I use very small amounts of willpower. Most of what keeps me to my promise is that I want praise in the evening, and I want to keep my model of who I am (“horny and desperate and denied is the right, proper me”) intact.

Always happy to keep talking about that journey, at length :).

Re: Big respect to those using the honour system

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 12:02 pm
by JamesandLucy
Schnoff wrote:
Thu Feb 27, 2020 7:19 am

First, I don’t refrain from breaking my promises. I work to keep my promises. That may seem like splitting hairs: And, the emotional difference between those two statements is huge.
What a brilliant way to approach it - I'm definitely going to follow that! Thanks so much for sharing!

James.

Re: Big respect to those using the honour system

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:35 pm
by Steve2059
Indeed!

I've been on honour for three months now after some scrotal issues basically due to cold winter weather.

Basically it's bloody hard, especially since I have to be naked at home so my junk is in plain sight and accessible all the time. She has made some concessions and has put me either in tights or panties rather than completely nude, including at night. While this wouldn't prevent a willpower failure it does stop the idle low-key fondling She caught me at - which I hadn't realised myself I was doing.

While I miss the weight and feel of a sturdy metal device, I have started to find an excitement - and even joy - in getting through each day with chastity intact. Another plus is that I get a lot more fondling and edging - or at least I did until 12 days ago when a dice-decided challenge game has put me on extended strict no touching by either of us :roll:

Things are helped though by the fact that over the last three years, because of my kink makeup and Her support, I'm conditioned to avoid full orgasms so it feels odd and guilty to get too close to the edge; I prefer quite close but a safe distance (which makes ruining at Her command a very conflicted business but thankfully Her own control only fails two or three times per year.

When we started out with chastity we moved to a cage after only a few weeks, but She's quite taken with these arrangements (including the reintroduction of dice challenges) so I don't know whether She'll go back to the cage, stay as we are or switch between the two (once the weather gets warmer).