"Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Living the real life under lock and key
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Tom Allen
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"Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by Tom Allen »

This is from a twitter thread I just had this morning, and thought some people might find it useful or interesting or something.

This thread is for @MidlifeKink as a result of a poll from @thumperMN . Because I've spent a long time in #male #chastity and #orgasm #denial, she wondered if I missed being able to make choices about my own orgasms.

It's complicated. Back when we were dating, I was def more switchy, and just enjoyed some BDSMy kinds of things. Mrs Edge def did not like being restrained, etc., but she did like having the control, so I learned to enjoy that.

Over time, I became disappointed that she really didn't have any interest in doing those fun little things (handcuffs, blindfolds, tie downs, etc.). It was confusing because on the rare occasions, she seemed to enjoy it, but not enough to do it again.

We hit a period where it affected even our vanilla sex life. In reconciling, she mentioned offhand that the only thing she found exciting were some of the home built cock cages that I had made. The idea of having the final say was exciting to her.

I showed her a picture of the CB3000, and she said "You have got to get one of those!" As it happened, I had already bought one a couple of months previously to experiment with. She demanded that I get the keys and put it on for her.

That started a period of us (but mostly her) experimenting with what she felt comfortable with. Took a few years, but turned out that what she liked was really, really long lockups. Weeks. Months. More months.

She grew very comfortable with me wearing a harness and dildo (Terra Firma with a Vixskin Tex, since people will ask), and eventually decided that she did not feel guilty in denying my orgasms. So, at some point, this became the "new normal" in our marriage.

On my end, it was... different. Denial was not my kink of choice, but since it seemed to be the *only* kink that Mrs Edge was comfortable with, I decided to go with it. I tried a few different cages, but my modded CB3000 was the most comfortable.

Over time, I grew to appreciate, and then enjoy the constant, warm, low-level simmer of erotic orgasm denial. It felt like I was on the verge of boiling over all the time. On one hand, I wanted to come, but on the other, I didn't want to lose the warm internal glow.

We played at this on and off for years, and each time, having her lock on the cage made me feel energized. We would tease each other about making it permanent, which would only drive her into longer and longer lockup periods. And I began to look forward to them.

Almost every time, those periods would end when a plastic piece of a cage broke. I finally tried some of those inexpensive Chinese ones, with an eye to getting a custom one made. I stumbled across one called the A272, which turned out to be the most comfortable and convenient.

So then I was in a cage that was, essentially, unbreakable. The teasing about "making it permanent" took on a note of reality that was missing with the plastic cages.

My birthday, anniversary, Xmas, NYE, and other holidays passed, and became a full year.
Mrs Edge, who had once said that she had considered giving me an orgasm after a year, said that she was fine to keep going.

I was still enjoying the simmer (yes, even after 20 years). Our intimate life was the best it had been in years.

I agreed to keep going.

So, now it's another year passed. I have not lost the desire for an orgasm. I wake up almost every day wanting one.

But I've come to realize that it's the desire to have an orgasm that fuels the warm, simmer that I have. If I had no desire, there would be no ache.
Along the same lines, if I could make that decision at any time to have one, then I'd probably choose to have one frequently, or at least sometimes. So I've also come to realize that not having a choice also fuels the simmer. With a choice, there's no frustration.

So, do I miss being able to make choices about having them? At times I do, but I also understand that not having the choice (unless I decide to stop playing) is what makes things hot overall for me, and for Mrs Edge.

Mrs Edge has gotten to a point where she thinks that she really would like this to go on forever, and that she would be disappointed if I wanted to stop. Since my abdicating choice to her is part of what makes things hot for the both of us, I can live with this.

I miss not being able to make the choice *in the moment,* but when I step back for the bigger picture, I'm content in not being able to.

This was a long thread to get to that last paragraph, wasn't it?

For those of you who are on Twitter, the thread and interspersed comments and replies can be found here:
https://twitter.com/taomlin/status/1227984221353975808
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by Critter228 »

Wow. Part of me envies this. And another part is terrified. I doubt my fiancée would ever want this. We barely do anything now. But the thought of going years with no say is intimidating.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by TwistedMister »

Tom Allen wrote:
Thu Feb 13, 2020 2:44 pm

...I've come to realize that it's the desire to have an orgasm that fuels the warm, simmer that I have. If I had no desire, there would be no ache.
Along the same lines, if I could make that decision at any time to have one, then I'd probably choose to have one frequently, or at least sometimes. So I've also come to realize that not having a choice also fuels the simmer. With a choice, there's no frustration.

So, do I miss being able to make choices about having them? At times I do, but I also understand that not having the choice (unless I decide to stop playing) is what makes things hot overall for me, and for Mrs Edge.

Mrs Edge has gotten to a point where she thinks that she really would like this to go on forever, and that she would be disappointed if I wanted to stop. Since my abdicating choice to her is part of what makes things hot for the both of us, I can live with this.

I miss not being able to make the choice *in the moment,* but when I step back for the bigger picture, I'm content in not being able to.
I partially agree, but if it became apparent to me that there was not going to be an orgasm in the reasonably near future I think I would start heading into a downward spiral.

The desire, but not having a choice as to exactly when or how is 'hot', but it's the anticipation of getting one that keeps the fire burning.

I have a habit of delaying gratification in favor of the anticipation of some sort of 'reward' in return for the denial. I have a small collection of moderately to fairly expensive Single Barrel and 'Small Batch' aged bourbons. They are very good, but I don't drink them every day, or even every week. They sit on the top shelf of my bar where I can see them, and desire them, but it's generally only once a month or two or three that I will take one down and savor a single shot. But, if for some reason I were to find out that it was unlikely that I would be able to enjoy the infrequent 'treat' for some long period of time, or perhaps never again, then I would lose interest- there would be no point to keep them sitting there.

I need a reward that is visible and attainable to keep me going. The desire, without eventual gratification, is not enough.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by Schnoff »

It’s fun to see the different ways that people experience orgasm denial. For me, the gratification is in being brought close to orgasm and then denied. Without that, I’d be unhappy. With that once or twice a week, I’m still craving orgasm physically, but at the same time am aroused by not being allowed any.

It is giving that decision over to my spouse that fuels the fun. If I could decide when I’d have an orgasm, there’d be no point in not having it. Being so close that I can taste it, and then being denied the orgasm, that never gets old.

9 months and counting - I don’t know what you consider “reasonably near future”, Twisted, but I’m assuming between one and four times a year, minimum.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by TwistedMister »

I don’t know what you consider “reasonably near future”, Twisted, but I’m assuming between one and four times a year, minimum.
1 - 3 months. Longer than three months, my semen turns yellowish, thick and chunky. When that happens, it isn't expelled very well and I suspect that could lead to a condition of BPH if allowed to persist for a longer period of time without ejaculation. For that reason (as well as needing a periodic 'reward'), I've insisted on a 'hard limit' of three months.

The three month limit could be fulfilled with a 'ruined' orgasm if she wanted to keep me a little 'frustrated'.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by Tom Allen »

It’s fun to see the different ways that people experience orgasm denial. For me, the gratification is in being brought close to orgasm and then denied. Without that, I’d be unhappy. With that once or twice a week, I’m still craving orgasm physically, but at the same time am aroused by not being allowed any.

It is giving that decision over to my spouse that fuels the fun. If I could decide when I’d have an orgasm, there’d be no point in not having it. Being so close that I can taste it, and then being denied the orgasm, that never gets old.
That's pretty much how I have felt about it in the past - the fun, for me, was in not knowing.

Now that there seems to be in implied "never" in our play, it hasn't changed much. I'm still excited when have sex, very much so. And knowing that I can have something in the cage, ranging from a ruin to a full-ish orgasm, I still have the fun of wondering if she will intentionally push me there.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by LockedUpNewb »

I don't miss being able to make the choice. Part of chastity for us, is focusing my high energy levels and high sex drive into productive days at work and at home. It takes 4 or 5 weeks in chastity for my brain to finally accept that there is no chance for an orgasm any time soon. Yes, there will be an orgasm and a reset period at some point, but I don't want to know when. It's at her discretion.

I got pierced in Nov 2018. The Prince Albert piercing makes it impossible to pull out of the cage and jerk off.

Would I jerk off if I wasn't locked up? Yep. Every day. I'd rather be locked away and allowed to have an orgasm .... once every couple months.

Currently locked since Valentines day. My wife has given me blowjobs to edge me and fucked my ass numerous times ... DARING me to cum while my cage is locked on. I want to cum but I know I'll get lazy and regret the orgasm if I do. It's better that I'm denied.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by fill »

If I were able to make choices I would not be being kept locked and denied.
I would definitely miss being kept locked and denied far more than I do miss having any say about where when or if I might want to have an orgasm

Of course the whole point about being denied is wanting to cum, and wanting to cum implies that being able to cum might not be an option, which in my case it isn't.

So how to respond to your question.. Yes I miss it but its worth missing it.
Besides my KH would miss not having that kind of control far more than I miss having the choice you mentioned.
And her being that disappointed is not something I'd want anyway
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by Steve2059 »

I've been chaste on honour since mid-November, and I'm finding it much harder to stay in control and follow Her wishes than just being locked up.

She thinks, with a little justification in my case, that caging is a three-season thing.

But caged or not I have no choice. And that's how it should be. If I momentarily think I miss making my own choice, I just need to think how things were before She took control.

So no. Not for a minute.
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Re: "Do you miss being able to make choices about your orgasms?"

Post by maniform »

For me, i'm not comfortable having a choice and much prefer Her to make the decision. i also am very open to permanent chastity but so far it has eluded me, twice now by relationships ending. And both were at the 8 month mark - must make sure to tiptoe on eggshells at that time should i find myself in that situation again.
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