Post
by Steve2059 » Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:04 am
Hi Savannah,
Some good advice on here, but I think that in identifying the factors in your upbringing that have coloured your attitudes to sex you've made a good start in addressing them. It's a long journey though from knowing intellectually to emotionally overcoming a thing.
Some advice deals with the issue of control and of communication, and I have empathy and advice here.
My own wife, though not repressed, had huge difficulties in opening her heart and discussing intimate feelings, so when I broached the (to her) really weird concept of chastity and denial it created real tensions between us.
I fear I may have been somewhat like your husband is now, by which I mean I wanted my wife to take control of our sex life and my orgasms BUT I knew exactly how I wanted her to do this and how often and how I wanted her to act and how strictly and ... I'm sure you get it.
I'm lucky, because I had, to use religious metaphors, an epiphany; a blinding light on the road to Damascus. My realisation was that all I was doing was topping from the bottom, pretending to give control, which made neither myself nor my wife happy - in fact it seriously affected our relationship. After a back-to-the-drawing-board process in which I actually gave actual control away without conditions, and my wife gradually learned to enjoy power rather than suffer my continual requests to always ramp things up a little more, further and further into her zone of discomfort, we've gotten to a great place but where her no means "no and no argument" - for instance she won't peg so we don't ever peg, or else I'll lie there desperate for her to initiate sex but unable even to hint. But I wanted T&D and now I genuinely have it rather than a version I thought I wanted. I hope your husband gets to this place.
All the above might be wide of the mark and not at all what you were trying to communicate, but despite any sexual repression issues it's still his fault not yours, especially if he has pretensions of being submissive.
0 x