Struggling with some feelings

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Re: Struggling with some feelings

Post by Schnoff »

@mr_faithful - there’s really no way to say. OP is unlikely to share what specific kinks are in play here, so it’s hard to say anything beyond what has been said.

As an example of something that can cause overwhelming feelings of disgust, shame and self-hate: Being asked to fuck a partner anally with a strap-on. To most people here that probably seems so mild as to hardly be kink at all. Yay for sexual liberation :).
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Re: Struggling with some feelings

Post by locked4her55 »

Schnoff wrote: Sun Sep 08, 2019 9:00 amOP is unlikely to share what specific kinks are in play here, so it’s hard to say anything beyond what has been said
Looks like the OP "is unlikely to" care about any of the responses since the OP last visited the site the day she posted the question. :roll:
savannaarayex3 wrote: Mon Aug 26, 2019 10:57 am Please anyone out there with any advice, its greatly appreciated.
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Re: Struggling with some feelings

Post by mr_faithful »

lol, I get it @Schnoff. I'm not here to argue about it, just throwing in my $0.02 since advice was sought after.
No one: "Inspire overwhelming shame and disgust in your partner, and make them hate themselves for it. We can take it from there."
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Re: Struggling with some feelings

Post by Steve2059 »

Hi Savannah,

Some good advice on here, but I think that in identifying the factors in your upbringing that have coloured your attitudes to sex you've made a good start in addressing them. It's a long journey though from knowing intellectually to emotionally overcoming a thing.

Some advice deals with the issue of control and of communication, and I have empathy and advice here.

My own wife, though not repressed, had huge difficulties in opening her heart and discussing intimate feelings, so when I broached the (to her) really weird concept of chastity and denial it created real tensions between us.

I fear I may have been somewhat like your husband is now, by which I mean I wanted my wife to take control of our sex life and my orgasms BUT I knew exactly how I wanted her to do this and how often and how I wanted her to act and how strictly and ... I'm sure you get it.

I'm lucky, because I had, to use religious metaphors, an epiphany; a blinding light on the road to Damascus. My realisation was that all I was doing was topping from the bottom, pretending to give control, which made neither myself nor my wife happy - in fact it seriously affected our relationship. After a back-to-the-drawing-board process in which I actually gave actual control away without conditions, and my wife gradually learned to enjoy power rather than suffer my continual requests to always ramp things up a little more, further and further into her zone of discomfort, we've gotten to a great place but where her no means "no and no argument" - for instance she won't peg so we don't ever peg, or else I'll lie there desperate for her to initiate sex but unable even to hint. But I wanted T&D and now I genuinely have it rather than a version I thought I wanted. I hope your husband gets to this place.

All the above might be wide of the mark and not at all what you were trying to communicate, but despite any sexual repression issues it's still his fault not yours, especially if he has pretensions of being submissive.
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Re: Struggling with some feelings

Post by TwistedMister »

OP joined on the 26th of Aug, made two posts, and has not logged in since that day.
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