Teetering on the edge of Resentment

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happilylockedman
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Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by happilylockedman » Fri Jan 25, 2019 3:11 pm

Maybe I'm high maintenance.

My wife has fairly long cycles of not being particularly interested in sexual play and then short periods of more active desire. When she's just going about her business and not responding to my discreet caresses or grabbing my chaste cock or anything I start to feel neglected and resentful of being neglected.

I know this isn't a good situation. If I think rationally I say to myself that she always, sooner or later, returns to that sensual place that I crave.

But, who's rational?
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slave d
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Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by slave d » Fri Jan 25, 2019 4:39 pm

Chastity and it’s associated “kinks” is a two way street in my view and sometimes unfortunately it doesn’t really work for a given couple. i would say though that many of us went through a period where it was very one sided before it finally came together .... pun intended !! Good luck and keep trying !! my best suggestion would be do more for your keyholder without being asked, open doors, run baths, massage, do nails, wash dishes, vacuum ...... whatever you need to do !!
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KittensBoyToy
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Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by KittensBoyToy » Fri Jan 25, 2019 5:26 pm

Always keep in mind that the cage wrapped around your/HER cock is a constant reminder to you of your chastity. To her every day is just like any other. As slave d said, do more for her and try to anticipate her needs and wants.
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happilylockedman
Posts: 175
Joined: Fri May 12, 2017 3:32 pm
Location: South West Connecticut

Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by happilylockedman » Fri Jan 25, 2019 6:39 pm

Thank you both, Slave D and KBT,

I actually do an amazing amount of the housework; not in a F/m kind of way but just because I do all of the cooking, most of the dish washing, almost all of the food shopping, frequent massages, etc. I don't mind doing these things and I know that they are appreciated.

I think what's best for now is for me to tell her how I've been feeling in a non-accusatory way.
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Steve2059
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Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by Steve2059 » Sat Jan 26, 2019 6:58 am

Telling Her I think She's neglecting my kinks in a non-accusatory way is something I've never managed to accomplish, so good luck with that ;-)
I think I have empathy with where you're coming from; I, simultaneously, want Her to be in charge AND want to define how she goes about that (i.e. T&D-ing me continuously), which of course isn't being submissive at all. For me, the feelings of frustration and yearning in periods of neglect have had to become an integral part of the scene.
If I have a suggestion it's around how you do "an amazing" amount of housework but not in an F/m way. Why not do these chores but in a submissive way, perhaps naked?
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happilylockedman
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Location: South West Connecticut

Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by happilylockedman » Sat Jan 26, 2019 9:01 am

Thank you all again for your responses. Last night she and I had another wonderful conversation. I realized that I need very frequent physical sexual intimacy to reaffirm our closeness. Her occasional loving touch isn't enough for me; I need the exchange of sexual energy. Even more precisely, I need her to welcome my exciting her sexually. Then I feel the closeness with her that I crave and need but the feeling doesn't last that long. It would be a perfect situation if she had a big sexual appetite but she likes to romp in bed far less than me.

As we spoke she had her hand gently on my leg. She said how great it was that I recognized my hurt feelings building inside, and that I voiced them to her. She said multiple times how much she loved me and encouraged me, the next time I felt that way, to maybe offer my own loving support to that part of myself that starts to feel isolated and alone...and that maybe we would romp in bed on Saturday.

Ah, what a fine woman! I love her.
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cshorts
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Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by cshorts » Sat Jan 26, 2019 10:32 am

Well done. It's basic, kindergarten stuff, but I continue to learn how much better it is to use "I" (rather than "you") language and to accept that my feelings are my own, and are not caused by nor the responsibility of someone else. "I feel neglected", not "you are neglecting me". Sounds like your wife appreciated and responded well to you sharing how *you feel*, and not criticizing or blaming her.
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gilesenglish
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Re: Teetering on the edge of Resentment

Post by gilesenglish » Sat Jan 26, 2019 2:05 pm

Vanilla sex ebbs and flows too. The nice thing about kink is you can have some protocol, and perhaps a bit of discipline, as part of your couple routine, thus having more erotic fun than your vanilla counterparts.
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