Conflicted

Living the real life under lock and key
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happilylockedman
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Conflicted

Post by happilylockedman » Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:20 am

I introduced chastity to my wife ( bless her vanilla heart ) almost 2 years ago. After a long evolution and many searching conversations we've come to point where she accepts me being in chastity and plays with my caged cock at times. She also, and this is an important point, has complained mildly that the cage keeps her away from my cock. Yes, she has her key but having to pause to unlock me definitely take the spontaneity away. She doesn't crave control over my penis or the rest of me, which is very wholesome but not very exciting.

I've been uncaged for about a week and a half due to an irritation that developed. We've had some very good sexy time, including PIV which I was very conflicted about. Like so many of us I value the tension that comes from not cumming but it feels so good when I do. The cage relieves me of that option, leaving me free to pleasure my wife without having an O myself.

This morning I locked myself up, leaving the key in its usual place on the bathroom vanity. I'm still horny and exploring my feelings.
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fuzzydunlop
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Re: Conflicted

Post by fuzzydunlop » Thu Jan 10, 2019 2:37 pm

Embrace the conflict and realize that the conflict will exist some of the time. My wife is kinky, GGG on denial, and we’ve been at it 20+ years. There are likely going to be times when your wife wants regular sex and if you want to please her and keep balance, going a few days with a let down is part of the reciprocation. Chastity isn’t a magic feather, and you aren’t going to get wrecked. If she thinks you are just being self absorbed about it, she’s going to lose interest. Most of the time, she’s not going to be as excited about your chastity as you are, but you are very lucky she is accepting

The other thing is to keep working at the non sexual aspects of your relationship. If she knows you are working hard at things that aren’t sexual, that usually helps.

Over time, I’ve become less obsessed with 100% denial for long periods of time, and experimented more with simply spacing out sex, mixing in ruined orgasms, and messing around without having sex or big goals. The last year has been best so far.

Good luck!
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Schnoff
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Re: Conflicted

Post by Schnoff » Fri Feb 01, 2019 3:59 am

Is it the chastity you’re after, or orgasm denial? If your wife wants free access to your genitals, and you would like to ejaculate less often, that’s a game that can be played without devices. It does take a long time to modify your behavior, patience is definitely part of it: And figuring out what’s in it for her.
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happilylockedman
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Re: Conflicted

Post by happilylockedman » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:40 am

- It's more satisfying for me to play with and excite my wife than to be the recipient of her attention.

- My erections are unreliable. When I wilt during sexual activity I feel disappointed and ashamed. My wife says it doesn't bother her but it bothers me.

- When I initiate sex play and I'm in chastity I feel that the pressure to perform is off me; I'm free to pleasure her. I welcome her sexual touches but for sure getting her going gets me going.

- When I'm not in chastity (which is rare) and we are in sex mode I get into a much more selfish state of mind. Then, the only important thing is for me to have an orgasm. I prefer myself when my own orgasm isn't so high on my priorities.

- I don't think I've developed the self discipline to not masturbate if I'm out of the device. Wearing the device builds the sexual tension that I like.
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Tom Allen
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Re: Conflicted

Post by Tom Allen » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:47 am

happilylockedman wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:20 am
She also, and this is an important point, has complained mildly that the cage keeps her away from my cock. Yes, she has her key but having to pause to unlock me definitely take the spontaneity away.
You may want to consider a locking cock ring:
https://www.maturemetal.com/product/dou ... cock-ring/

I made one from sections of an A273 that I cut up. I'm not sure if there are less expensive versions on Ali Express or DH Gate, etc.
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Locked by LRC
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Re: Conflicted

Post by Locked by LRC » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:00 am

We have one of these locking cock rings. LRC is a "time off" type of person.

She hardly ever wants pleasured on work days. Her desires are week-ends and days off. So I'm in the full cage during the week and wear the cock ring on non-workdays. She'll tell me on Friday night if she wants the cage on or off.

Wearing it doesn't mean there's going to be play time, only that things are available if she does. This in itself is a tease game to me. Often I'll spend the whole week-end anticipating play time, and it doesn't come. I know to put the cage on Sunday night.

If you get a cock ring be sure to get a screw type lock, a padlock gets in the way.
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Previous devices - CB2000, 3000, 6000, 6000s, Curve

happilylockedman
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Re: Conflicted

Post by happilylockedman » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:55 pm

This story is developing. This afternoon I took a shower, removed the cage and found that I had considerable abrasion under the base ring. I decided to not put the cage back on. My wife and I had to run an errand and while in the car I told her about my current state. She reached over to "confirm for herself". A bit later, as I stood at the sink she fondled me lavishly then laughingly walked away as I started to get hard.

I had a lot to think about.

My cage had been keeping her away. That's not what I want.

A bit later, as we sat drinking vegetable juice, I spoke about my conflicted feelings. Having the cage off for the last 5 hours I'm feeling hornier than in a long time. I recognize the feeling. I get sexually selfish and get to feeling that my needs have to be taken care of NOW! I start seeing my wife's role as to take care of my needs. I don't like myself that way. But at the same time I don't want to be keeping her away from casually handling me.

I told her how I had sent the earliest posting of Conflicted to this forum a few weeks ago and how I had received a number of very thoughtful, supportive and helpful responses. I told her about the trainer cock ring idea and said that I was going to modify a cage that I have to give it a try.

She then shared with me, for the first time, that she is also conflicted about chastity. She said that when I'm caged and want to be sexually active she really appreciates how accepting I am when she declines my invitation. (which is usually). On the other hand, she laughed, she likes having free, spontaneous access available. We're both conflicted, she said. That's just how it is. It's okay.

I'm filled with love for her.
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jfenoffti
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Re: Conflicted

Post by jfenoffti » Tue Feb 19, 2019 12:31 pm

happilylockedman wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 8:20 am
She also, and this is an important point, has complained mildly that the cage keeps her away from my cock. Yes, she has her key but having to pause to unlock me definitely take the spontaneity away. She doesn't crave control over my penis or the rest of me, which is very wholesome but not very exciting.
My wife feels the same way, said the same things.
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Tease me, deny me, thrill me! Just do it slowly.

TwistedMister
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Re: Conflicted

Post by TwistedMister » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:53 pm

Well, I have to say that when Mrs. Twisted gets it in her mind to lock me up, she has no problem at all enjoying oral orgasms (with and without the aid of toys) without having to be concerned with reciprocation, while I strain in vain, and has admitted that she also quite enjoys teasing me and not letting me get out/off.
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02/11/18 "The idea of me fucking someone else really turns you on, doesn't it?" --Mrs. Twisted

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Schnoff
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Re: Conflicted

Post by Schnoff » Sat Feb 23, 2019 1:16 am

I’m not sure how much I can add here. From a submissive perspective: It’s not service if the D-type doesn’t want it. That goes right to Joshua’s (of Raven and Joshua) advice that the best skill to develop is to be malleable, to be able to genuinely enjoy whatever is thrown one’s way. Which would suggest that the D-type determines whether and when a cage is worn, not the s-type.

And, I get that might be a bridge or ten too far for a bunch of folk.

In my own dynamic, cage is a no-go for most every day. Because my husband prefers to have access, and prefers to know that I am obedient, not merely kept from touching myself by a device.

We may modify this for travel. I manage to stay obedient at home, finally, but travel is another thing. So —- maybe a cage for that. He doesn’t love it, but he dislikes my orgasm without permission more, and I have a limited reserve of willpower when I’m away.

I guess what I’m saying is - it really depends on what you’re after. Do you want to get your itch scratched? Then a device it is, as long as you can make it work for her as well. Do you want to submit, be of (sexual) service? Then she has the say here, and if she says she wants access, she gets that. More work for you: Mantras, behavior modification, rituals, whatever it takes to stay obedient. There are ways, they take effort, time, and patience.
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