Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Living the real life under lock and key
dogmojo
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by dogmojo » Wed Jul 04, 2018 1:31 pm

fuzzydunlop wrote:
Tue Jun 26, 2018 6:12 pm

I think if my wife viewed my chastity interests as obsessions, she would get annoyed or bored. In doses, she has fun with it, or it adds to other things.

That's just us.
Just curious, but does your wife use sex toys on her own every now and then? That seems like something that would be a good supplement for her to fulfill her own needs on occasion.

(Sorry if that is a dumb question, I'm not anywhere close to being an expert on chastity!)
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fuzzydunlop
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by fuzzydunlop » Tue Jul 10, 2018 12:22 pm

Yes my wife uses toys, but a partner’s needs can go beyond the physical need. We’ve been kinky together for over 20 years and have had a lot of different phases. I can be a little too “in my head”. If she thinks I am dwelling on my own kinks more than “connecting” that can be a problem. This problem can work in both directions. Denial can create quite a high for me, and I have to be careful not to be too self obsessed when going through this.
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fuzzydunlop
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by fuzzydunlop » Tue Jul 10, 2018 12:24 pm

Chastity can be a way of slowing down sex and de-emphasizing immediate gratification, but it can be overstated that this somehow makes the man “selfless”. It is a different kind of high, and if you are in a long term relationship, you have to try to connect multiple ways.
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JebBohunk
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by JebBohunk » Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:06 pm

My wife was not happy with me and I felt like "the hired help" our sex life was near zero and what we didt wasn't PIV sex when it did happen. Hard to explain but there wasn't any face to face contact either and to me it was a pretty horrible time in my life... I read a lot about ways to turn things around and tried a variety of things including couples therapy. I was fairly certain I was the problem. I offered to do oral sex and was always turned down which probably should have been a clue things weren't right.

So... I found Jim Allen on a podcast. Read how Male Chastity made husbands more appealing and talked to my wife about it. Since I was being turned down or she would start an argument anytime sex came up anyway it didn't seem like a lot of bother to me. Since she seemed enthusiastic we tried it. She started by telling me that I should know she probably wasn't letting me out very often. Well for people more into it I'm sure that sounded really hot but to me it was something (but not very often) was way better then nothing. So we tried it (CB2000) which wasn't quite large enough but using a nylon stocking trick get it on and got used to it. I did change my ways and picked up a lot of the house stuff that she wasn't keen on and turned into super hubby which resulted in her getting very conflicted. Which seemed confusing. I caught her crying on the phone to her mother saying how great I was being.

We did some couples therapy and even brought up the topic of male chastity. The TDoc wasn't in tune with it but she thought whatever worked was fine. We had to switch to a different doc (Health problems) and I was less willing to bring up Chastity and instead wanted to talk about the whole sex issue. After a lot of therapy and all of my possible problems I brought up the time she spent away and this guy she kept telling me about. I thought I must be turning a bit psycho because I had no idea that she was capable of cheating on me and he was considerably younger (Which I had pointed out to me by my wife when I asked her what was up with this guy) So.... I learned I wasn't insane. Male chastity while kinky and somewhat exciting was (To my thinking) a way to keep me from bothering her about sex and her being "loyal" to the other man.

This really sucked and I ended up needing to see a therapist myself as well as taking some MI drugs to function. The CB2000 came off and back in the case and I haven't looked at it for a long time. And when I do I think how clueless I was and how this must have been a great solution to her problem. Personally while it had a bit of a kinky turn on when I wasn't aware of the affair it has little to none now.

We ended up doing a lot of serious work on the marriage and relationship. Part of it was her breaking it off with him or it was me breaking up with her. Its taken a long time but we've been pretty good. Some of the sexual stuff has been slow to return. I learned she is a bit Kinky and I've tried to step up my game. I'm not into it but I go along because she gives it a 10 out of 10. And it doesn't involve anyone else or any S&M which are my hard limits.

So one vote for left chastity and I guess a warning that every relationship has some possibility of being not at all what you think it was. And in at least one case a woman's keen interest in male chastity had motives that were not so nice.
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Tullyboy
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by Tullyboy » Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:18 pm

Wow @JebBohunk. :( Thank you for sharing that deep hurt. I'm glad to hear that your relationship survived and that you're healing.
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JebBohunk
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by JebBohunk » Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:59 am

Thanks Tully. Its been difficult. There is this group called Beyond Affairs Network that helped me not loose it. Of course seeing a TDoc (And a regular doc) helped greatly as well. Porn and three somes etc all sound kinky but when you are the 3rd wheel and don't know it? Not good. And the fear over medical stuff STDs VD, Aids etc... That was some scary stuff.

I was a bit worried this would come out sounding like I was a jerk or being anti Male Chastity. The idea of it having a positive effect on a man is what helped bring out the affair and I think made me be a bit better of a husband. At least as far as it showing I was willing to try to make things better. And all in all this is where contempt turned to shame. You can tell yourself your spouse "deserves" to be cheated on. I think most cheaters think that. But when you husband cleans up his act and offers to do this I think guilt and shame motivate a bit more honesty.

I was surprised it wasn't on the radar of the therapist we first saw. I guess her not being weird about it was interesting as well.

Anyway so I don't offend anyone I don't have anything against it but personally for me it carries a load of baggage. FLR ditto. Control is all well and good but if your spouse is stepping out with another man or woman? Well FLR relationships have some of the problems with male led ones. Guys leaving town "for work" and doing God knows what. I mean I understand its not a one way street.

On the humorous side it was quite the trial to get the CB2000 on. If there was a comedy reel for chastity it would have to be me trying brute force to get it on. Which btw does not work.
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TwistedMister
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by TwistedMister » Sat Jul 14, 2018 7:02 am

JebBohunk wrote:
Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:59 am
Anyway so I don't offend anyone I don't have anything against it but personally for me it carries a load of baggage. FLR ditto. Control is all well and good but if your spouse is stepping out with another man...
For *some* of us, this is a 'turn-on' as well...as long as our faces are rubbed in it (literally as well as figuratively). For some strange reason it gets our motors running to be locked and denied even the ability to masturbate while she gets to 'play' with others. Mrs. Twisted has brought it up a number of times, her 'playing' with one or two or more (at the same time) and forcing me to watch/'assist'/'clean up' while I remain locked and only able to use my tongue, it really makes her 'wet' and she gets off big-time...and I have to admit that it makes me hard as hell (and she knows it). So far, she has not actually done it but I have told her that she has a 'Hall Pass' and she can do as she pleases, so long as I am aware and [somehow] involved (it wouldn't be any 'fun' if I didn't know she was doing it).
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02/11/18 "The idea of me fucking someone else really turns you on, doesn't it?" --Mrs. Twisted

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Kitten
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by Kitten » Mon Jul 23, 2018 8:41 am

My husband and I just began about a month ago (he's 69, I'm 67). He approached me about chastity toward the end of June 2018, before then I didn't even know this lifestyle even existed (that's how 'vanilla' I've always been). KBT just went into his first cage 3 weeks ago.

So far so good, even though we both still have a lot to learn. We don't know where this will lead or how long it will last, but for now we're enjoying the benefits without an end in the foreseeable future.

Kitten & KBT
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~ Kitten ~
Wife of 45 yrs & KeyHolder for KittensBoyToy (aka KBT)

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Kitten
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Re: Has anyone in a relationship ever left chastity?

Post by Kitten » Mon Jul 23, 2018 8:44 am

Tom Allen wrote:
Fri Jun 29, 2018 5:37 am
Lady M wrote:
Thu Jun 28, 2018 6:49 pm
I think we've got a good 20 - 30 years before I'll pack away any of the devices... If I even do it then lol maybe he'll be buried with it haha
As long as he's not cremated ⚱ ; that might be hard to explain. 😂
ROFL
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~ Kitten ~
Wife of 45 yrs & KeyHolder for KittensBoyToy (aka KBT)

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