Negative effects on Relationship?

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CanuckInNJ
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Negative effects on Relationship?

Post by CanuckInNJ » Wed Jun 13, 2018 4:50 pm

Has anybody found their chastity kink negatively affecting their relationship with their S.O.?

Any break-ups, or walk-outs, or demands for sex therapy/couples therapy/psychiatric treatment? :D
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happilylockedman
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Re: Negative effects on Relationship?

Post by happilylockedman » Wed Jun 13, 2018 8:35 pm

My experience has been very positive. My wife's and my relationship had been on a long slowly improving path when I introduced chastity over a year ago. Since then, my chastity has helped our relationship to reach new heights of intimacy. I have been far more open about myself and she has been receptive and accepting. She also has seen our improvement and sees and acknowledges the role that chastity has played.

She's supportive of my wearing the cage, but not insistent. I wonder what her reaction would be if I told her that I didn't want to be in chastity anymore. Probably she'd want to know why. She recently said how much she likes how cuddly I am when I'm caged and haven't had an orgasm in a while.
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Schnoff
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Re: Negative effects on Relationship?

Post by Schnoff » Thu Jun 14, 2018 3:13 pm

CanuckInNJ wrote: Any break-ups, or walk-outs, or demands for sex therapy/couples therapy/psychiatric treatment? :D
That hasn't happened to me - orgasm control has deepened communication, emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy in our relationship - and I can see it happening.

Walk-outs? Demands for sex therapy / psychiatric treatment? You've uncovered a faultline in the relationship about trust, maybe expectations, maybe base disagreements on how needs are being met. Maybe you never talked about needs and don't know your SO's needs. Those would be good to know about.

Couples therapy demands would likely stem from the same faultline, but now there's hope. With a good, kink-friendly therapist - insist on one - it's possible to work on showing feelings and vulnerability and know you'll each be heard. So now needs can be discussed, and wants. That can be a very rewarding, if work-intensive, path.

Break-ups -- that could always happen. If it's an ugly breakup, that's our friend the faultline again. And, any time needs or wants are discussed that have never been discussed before in a relationship, you run the risk of finding out you're incompatible. You were incompatible before, just now you know, and you might decide to break it up. No one's fault, you're just not a good fit.

As painful as that can be, I actually see it as a positive.

No matter what, I see a more open discussion of each other's wants and needs as a positive. Yes that makes you vulnerable and yes that's risky. That's where the added intimacy comes from by the way: I showed myself to you, honestly, vulnerably, and you accepted and embraced me as I am. How awesome. And that goes both ways, not just with your kinks and needs and wants, but theirs as well.
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locked4her55
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Re: Negative effects on Relationship?

Post by locked4her55 » Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:06 am

Our relationship was good before I introduced chastity. Now it's great. She has seen the change in me and she likes it. About 6 months into our experience I asked her if this was working for her and she replied, "YES, and we're not going back, why. . . you didn't want to stop did you?"

She's all about keeping me from myself. 8-)
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sirmebane
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Re: Negative effects on Relationship?

Post by sirmebane » Sun Jun 17, 2018 4:31 pm

locked4her55 wrote:
Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:06 am
Our relationship was good before I introduced chastity. Now it's great.
I'd have to echo this one. Being married for 20+ years is going to bring with it some elements of being 'tired' and maybe you get into ruts and taking each other for granted.

Chastity has removed my ability to satisfy myself and keeps me focused on her which is a great thing.
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