Is this the end... or just the means?

Living the real life under lock and key
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Barkis
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Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by Barkis » Thu Dec 14, 2017 6:10 am

In the (admittedly short) time that I've been reading these forums, I've been struck by the number of Members that aspire to ever longer lockup periods, even, in some cases, permanent lockup with no hope of release - ever. This has got me wondering whether, for some people, chastity is an end in itself rather than a means to achieving some other goal. Or perhaps what started as a means to an end has, over time, become the end.

I guess I should nail my colours to the mast. For Mrs B and me, chastity is definitely, categorically, emphatically the means, not the end. It has been the catalyst that has utterly rejuvenated our sex life. Having said that, I don't deny that I enjoy being locked up. From the moment my bits get clamped in their cage, slightly weird shit begins to happen in some dark corner of my mind. I feel kind of warm and cosy, yet slightly aroused in a subtle way, and I have an almost irresistible urge to take Mrs B in my arms, caress her, rip off her... you get the picture :o . I love it (and so does she!). But this is essentially extended foreplay. Because we both enjoy having sex with each other, I know that before too long, I'll be unlocked. I just don't know the when, the where or the how.

So I would be genuinely worried if I thought there was any danger that being locked up would eventually become more important to me than the things it has brought to our relationship.

Discuss... :)
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curiouscaged1
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by curiouscaged1 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 6:36 am

Right there with you, man, even down to the warm and cozy feeling. i love being locked up, but enjoy being close to my wife more.
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Tullyboy
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by Tullyboy » Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:28 am

Yep same cozy eroticism for me with the same end in mind. But I get the feeling that many long-term-denial folks started out in the same spot. I’m not certain how I’d feel if we migrated in the long-term-denial direction.
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happilylockedman
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by happilylockedman » Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:37 am

I've been locked up pretty much 24/7 for about the past 6 months. Initially I was thrilled by the secret I was wearing. That in itself was a turn on. That, and of course the kinkiness of it. Now, it's just what I do.

My wife and I go through phases of sexual activity. Sometimes she's into it, more frequently she's not and I have to be patient. During the periods of inactivity I sometimes ask myself why I'm wearing this cage. But I know why - if I wasn't wearing it I would masturbate which would take me away from my closeness and desire for closeness with my wife.

When we started with chastity I hoped she would become more receptive to doing other kinky things with me but that has not come to pass.
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Tom Allen
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by Tom Allen » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:38 pm

This has got me wondering whether, for some people, chastity is an end in itself rather than a means to achieving some other goal. Or perhaps what started as a means to an end has, over time, become the end.
Wow, what a great question.

We started off intending to go just for a couple of weeks. That couple of weeks turned into a month. That turned into another month, which turned into ninety days - or, as Mrs Edge responded, "You mean, the *first* ninety days."

We didn't have an end date in mind, but it ended up at almost nine months because we just took it one week at a time. Then we stopped for a while, and took it back up again. We lasted maybe six months, mainly because we were on vacation and the cage broke. 8-)

The next few times we played weren't quite as long, but the *idea* of permanent or near-permanent was exciting to both of us, so we would talk about it. It didn't start that way, but it just seemed to be something that we grew into.

However, we do take breaks - I think that's one of the reasons why it works for us. Otherwise, it would get dull, I think.

I wrote a little about it a long time ago:

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2007/ ... ity-story/
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Barkis
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by Barkis » Fri Dec 15, 2017 12:21 am

Tom Allen wrote:I wrote a little about it a long time ago:

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2007/ ... ity-story/
Phew, that's some read :shock: . I'm off for a cold shower...

Seriously though, a fascinating insight. And no - I most definitely could NOT!
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_lj_
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by _lj_ » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:12 am

Permanent lock-up is certainly not something I would want to have imposed on me.

We are starting a 12 week lock-up - I perhaps unwisely suggested "the end of February" so the locked state would become the norm. Previous lock-ups have been for a maximum of two weeks, and so the "end" is quite near, so the psychological state changes quite quickly.

I think this is a bit like the arousal that beginners to chastity find making getting into their chosen device a difficult process. Once chastity is regular, fitting the device isn't arousing, even if the idea of being locked actually is.

I know that I can ask for temporary release whilst getting used to 24/7 lock-up, and of course for hygiene, but full release will not be granted for another 12 weeks, and the period may be extended at My Lady's discretion. Whether I am released for an orgasm or teasing is also her choice.

For me, chastity is indeed the means - I want to take any pressure off My Lady to "provide" for me, or feel obliged to have any form of sex if she doesn't want to. I know that if I nag her, she can simply extend the lock-up (she did seem to decide that my birthday would be a good time to unlock, adding another 2 months, but fortunately she was just teasing)

Ultimately, the aim is to change my viewpoint, to put My Lady first in sexual matters. A few ounces of stainless steel does concentrate the mind!
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Steve2059
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by Steve2059 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:42 pm

It's a difficult one isn't it?

I'm still a newbie at this sort of thing, the chastity/T&D dating only from about6 months ago. But it's been (and still is) a helluva journey.

Most of my chastity is cageless, using honour. But since I adore rules, no-touching is something I have been able to keep to.

I'm caged as I write this, a short metal spiral affair which is very comfy and allows easy hygiene, though my record is only six days up until now.

But back to the question: Chastity to me is both a means and an end. In particular, I value the continual background arousal and the extended sex over orgasm. Since June I had three orgasms (with permission) over two days in October, and am scheduled another on New Year's Eve. After my last orgasms I rather missed the arousal and horniness, and felt a bit deflated - so looking forward I wouldn't really mind giving the next one a miss. But this is against my reality these days of almost daily (orgasm-free) exciting and wide-ranging (the acts not the people - I am and will remain monogamous) sex as opposed to my previous vanilla life of Friday intercourse. My wife likes the injection of sex, but also of romance and cuddling.

The cage is becoming, as my wife gets used to the idea, a bigger part of our lives, but were I single I'd probably adopt the kink anyway since restraint in many forms is a huge turn-on to me.
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by sherulestherooster » Wed Dec 27, 2017 12:54 pm

Interesting topic.

Chastity (or orgasm denial) is a means to satisfy an end need for variety primarily, and submission secondarily. I'm the type of guy that is bummed there are only 2 possible routes to work. I crave variety, especially with regards to sex.

I get a rush out of the feeling of being out of control (possibly because I controls so many other aspects of my life). I'd be indifferent between being tied up with our under the bed restraint system and locked up in chastity. The feeling of vulnerability and trust is a rush to me.

Put from her point of view, she always felt uncomfortable about having "expectations", something deep in her nature. During heavy child rearing years, I would lock our bedroom door with plans of seducing her when she got out of the bathroom for bed. She became (in my view) irrationally upset at the "expectation" that we engage in sex when she saw the door locked (as an aside, to this day she ensures the door is unlocked after sex, "just in case" a teenager needs her). While I saw this is "we might have sex and I don't want to interrupt foreplay by getting up to lock the door", she saw as "you are expecting something that I might not want to give and I feel trapped".

We had a boost in our sex life when I told her I would take care of her and she needn't reciprocate.
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cuyahoga
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Re: Is this the end... or just the means?

Post by cuyahoga » Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:06 am

In our relationship, chastity is a means.

My definition for “permanent” would never be no more orgasms ever. My version of permanent would be permanently under her control, instead of the breaks that we take where our sexual relationship becomes equal for periods of time. I would love for every single one of my orgasms to be “granted” to me at strictly her discretion, and for the cage to be employed far, far more often than not.

But completely removing any hope of an orgasm would kill the whole thing for me. Putting a cage on me that couldn’t be removed at all is not a fantasy that I have.

For us, for me, chastity is extremely long foreplay. Orgasm denial is the even longer extension of that foreplay. Orgasm, at some point, will always be the culmination of that foreplay.
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