The Talk

Living the real life under lock and key
Post Reply
curiouscaged1
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:54 am
Location: Southern California

The Talk

Post by curiouscaged1 »

Hey, everybody. I was wondering if you could share a somewhat detailed account of the early stages of chastity discussion with your wives. So far for me, the conversations have only been so so, but perhaps they’re par for the course.
0 x
User avatar
slave d
Posts: 1013
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 9:33 pm

Re: The Talk

Post by slave d »

i took the chickens way out and wrote her a long email. That gave me time to think through exactly what i wanted to say and even put in links to web pages that showed more etc. Worked well for me as it gave MsM time to thing it through a bit and then eventually say “well I think you’d better lock yourself up and show me what this is all about”. i did just that and on its gone from there. Depends if course if you’re a good letter writer, my generation tend to be better at writing than talking !!

MsM’s ld
0 x
New Zealand
24/7/365 DHGate tiny s/s with hinged A-Ring
https://www.chastityforums.com/viewtopi ... =3&t=63728
Steve2059
Posts: 143
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 5:37 pm
Location: England
Gender:

Re: The Talk

Post by Steve2059 »

My discussions happened around April/May this year. The background is that I've always had some fairly mild kinks, such as wearing panties from time to time and occasional anal play, but in April discovered Edging. I used a couple of edging sites by myself for a while, then shared my new pastime with L, who was accepting but disinterested. basically, I overdid things to the point my penis went on strike, then came across T&D and then Chastity. These played perfectly into my sexually submissive nature, which up till then had never had an outlet.

I spoke with my wife, L, about this and outlined what it all was and what I'd ideally like. I won't call it a conversation since I did all the talking while she listened impassively (in hindsight this should have been a big red warning light). L was unimpressed with my request to sexually dominate me, and though she gave it a half-hearted attempt it was a disaster all-round. I was frustrated at her lack of commitment and strictness, and she was deeply unhappy that I'd introduced the idea in the first place since it was stressful to her and she thought we had a perfectly good sex life in any case (which we did though very vanilla apart from my occasional kink).

With things not working out and becoming an issue between us, I went back to the drawing board and worked up a solo denial plan (at this point I hadn't even thought about devices). After writing six dates, one of which would be my next orgasm, I rolled a die and threw a five, the second longest option at around two months.

Given that we do have a sex life and did at that point, concealing this wasn't an option so I shared what I was doing. I started out by apologising deeply for putting L into a stressful position, asking her to assume a role that just wasn't in her to do. She was grateful for this and replied that she had given it a go but she was really uncomfortable with it and really didn't even "get" that I didn't want to orgasm.

I agreed that the kink appeared to be a rare one, but that it did appeal to me, and compared my feeling of long-term arousal whilst in denial (the times were at that point too short to call things chastity) to her own multi-orgasmic sexual plateau, which she sort of understood. I then told her what I'd done and what I planned: but I assured her that all the willpower would be mine, with absolutely no responsibility for her.

L's first thought was that she'd have to rub her own orgasms out from then on, but I said that we'd have sex just as before, only I wouldn't cum at the end. I did ask her though if she would start initiating sex, since what always happened is that I would ask and get an affirmative about 50% of the time. But if she asked she would pretty much be guaranteed a 100% success rate.

She was up for this and immediately asked for sex! We had a great time and I successfully refrained from climax despite some effort from L.

Once the pressure was off her though, she started to take an interest, asking me how things were going and was I sure I hadn't been having sneaky wanks. She also supported a no-self-touching rule which at that point entailed me wearing panties and cuffs in bed. After a few of weeks, when I said I'd overstretched my willpower and was going to curtail the denial, forbade me to do so! She said that sex was great as I was and that I'd become more romantic and attentive to her needs.

Wow! this was a breakthrough! I'd been wondering whether to raise the subject again but I had promised no pressure. So I asked if I could bring up a couple of things and she said I could. The first issue was the purchase of a chastity cage, which she said was taking things a bit far. I said that it would be a night thing and let me out of the cuffs and panties, and after a bit of thinking she agreed.

Second was that I quite wanted her to set me some sexual challenges, and also some domestic chores which I would have to perform in light bondage/nude. She wasn't happy about this and said that having to take the lead, to think of stuff for me to do then enforce it, was what went wrong the first time. I immediately backed off and apologised, and told her to think no more about it (and I had gained permission for a cage so had a result).

Later on, thinking about this, I recalled that she'd been ok with me going into self-enforced chastity using dice. With this in mind I wrote two lists, one of T&D challenges and the other of suggested chores, all numbered and using dice if required to decide the length/intensity of challenges. I then shared the lists and said that, if she was ok, all I would ask her to do would be to sign off on the chores and to pick a number to assign a sexual challenge. She could either tell me of, if she preferred, text a number.

L was well up for this, especially the chores. She liked the ones I'd suggested and added a few of her own. With the challenges she chose one and then rolled the dice.

Since then she's not only gotten more enthusiastic, she's gotten strict. So the advice I'd give to anyone is "keep the pressure off", and blame yourself not your Significant Other if things go off track.
0 x
curiouscaged1
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:54 am
Location: Southern California

Re: The Talk

Post by curiouscaged1 »

Steve2059 wrote:My discussions happened around April/May this year. The background is that I've always had some fairly mild kinks, such as wearing panties from time to time and occasional anal play, but in April discovered Edging. I used a couple of edging sites by myself for a while, then shared my new pastime with L, who was accepting but disinterested. basically, I overdid things to the point my penis went on strike, then came across T&D and then Chastity. These played perfectly into my sexually submissive nature, which up till then had never had an outlet.

I spoke with my wife, L, about this and outlined what it all was and what I'd ideally like. I won't call it a conversation since I did all the talking while she listened impassively (in hindsight this should have been a big red warning light). L was unimpressed with my request to sexually dominate me, and though she gave it a half-hearted attempt it was a disaster all-round. I was frustrated at her lack of commitment and strictness, and she was deeply unhappy that I'd introduced the idea in the first place since it was stressful to her and she thought we had a perfectly good sex life in any case (which we did though very vanilla apart from my occasional kink).

With things not working out and becoming an issue between us, I went back to the drawing board and worked up a solo denial plan (at this point I hadn't even thought about devices). After writing six dates, one of which would be my next orgasm, I rolled a die and threw a five, the second longest option at around two months.

Given that we do have a sex life and did at that point, concealing this wasn't an option so I shared what I was doing. I started out by apologising deeply for putting L into a stressful position, asking her to assume a role that just wasn't in her to do. She was grateful for this and replied that she had given it a go but she was really uncomfortable with it and really didn't even "get" that I didn't want to orgasm.

I agreed that the kink appeared to be a rare one, but that it did appeal to me, and compared my feeling of long-term arousal whilst in denial (the times were at that point too short to call things chastity) to her own multi-orgasmic sexual plateau, which she sort of understood. I then told her what I'd done and what I planned: but I assured her that all the willpower would be mine, with absolutely no responsibility for her.

L's first thought was that she'd have to rub her own orgasms out from then on, but I said that we'd have sex just as before, only I wouldn't cum at the end. I did ask her though if she would start initiating sex, since what always happened is that I would ask and get an affirmative about 50% of the time. But if she asked she would pretty much be guaranteed a 100% success rate.

She was up for this and immediately asked for sex! We had a great time and I successfully refrained from climax despite some effort from L.

Once the pressure was off her though, she started to take an interest, asking me how things were going and was I sure I hadn't been having sneaky wanks. She also supported a no-self-touching rule which at that point entailed me wearing panties and cuffs in bed. After a few of weeks, when I said I'd overstretched my willpower and was going to curtail the denial, forbade me to do so! She said that sex was great as I was and that I'd become more romantic and attentive to her needs.

Wow! this was a breakthrough! I'd been wondering whether to raise the subject again but I had promised no pressure. So I asked if I could bring up a couple of things and she said I could. The first issue was the purchase of a chastity cage, which she said was taking things a bit far. I said that it would be a night thing and let me out of the cuffs and panties, and after a bit of thinking she agreed.

Second was that I quite wanted her to set me some sexual challenges, and also some domestic chores which I would have to perform in light bondage/nude. She wasn't happy about this and said that having to take the lead, to think of stuff for me to do then enforce it, was what went wrong the first time. I immediately backed off and apologised, and told her to think no more about it (and I had gained permission for a cage so had a result).

Later on, thinking about this, I recalled that she'd been ok with me going into self-enforced chastity using dice. With this in mind I wrote two lists, one of T&D challenges and the other of suggested chores, all numbered and using dice if required to decide the length/intensity of challenges. I then shared the lists and said that, if she was ok, all I would ask her to do would be to sign off on the chores and to pick a number to assign a sexual challenge. She could either tell me of, if she preferred, text a number.

L was well up for this, especially the chores. She liked the ones I'd suggested and added a few of her own. With the challenges she chose one and then rolled the dice.

Since then she's not only gotten more enthusiastic, she's gotten strict. So the advice I'd give to anyone is "keep the pressure off", and blame yourself not your Significant Other if things go off track.
Wow. This is incredibly detailed and very helpful. More than anything, though, it’s very familiar. There’s some great advice in here. athanks!
0 x
jfenoffti
Posts: 478
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 10:22 am

Re: The Talk

Post by jfenoffti »

slave d and Steve2059 each brought up significant items that helped me have the "conversation" with my lovely KH.

slaved said he wrote it down to get his thoughts organized. Great plan! I did that too. Not to give KH a letter, but just so I could "rehearse" if you will, the conversation.

Steve2059 mentions many things, but one very important one is not forcing your KH into changing roles, having to be creative, then having to enforce the rules, and administer punishment and on and on and on. What one does not want to do is create more work, more responsibilities for one's KH.

The single salient "thing" that caused my KH to listen and take me seriously, was I told her I wanted to talk to her about something that was important to me and I needed her help. She replied "If it's important to you, then it's important to me." I wrote about this in my Journey posts.
0 x
Caged and enjoying it.
Tease me, deny me, thrill me! Just do it slowly.
User avatar
braddogg4345
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2015 5:37 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: The Talk

Post by braddogg4345 »

When i brought up the question to my wife, i presented it as a possible solution to some problems we were having.

Not to get in to too much detail, but i have a huge fetish that is not related to chastity. And my wife absolutely refused to indulge my fetish. So i would go online when she wasnt home, and i would browse sites related to my fetish, and end up masturbating. This is fine sometimes, but i did it every chance i got. And at times, my wife would be horny, but i wouldnt because i had just jerked off an hour ago.

So i posed male chastity as a solution to my masturbating issue. I also brought up an article online and showed it to my wife. It was written by a woman and she was writing about how well behaved and helpful her husband is since they started chastity. How he did all the housework etc.

Well my wife was easily sold. She agreed to it with very little thought, as if i had asked her if she wanted pizza for dinner. She even agreed to let me buy a chastity cage on the spot.

Chastity even helped me with my fetish. With our chastity/flr we made a contract. And in that contract, we agreed that she will fulfill my fetish needs on special occasions (birthday, fathers day, anniversary). So in reality, male chastity has solved all of our marital issues we were having. And we both agree that our marriage is better now than it ever has been.
0 x
Post Reply