Trying to convince your keyholder?

Living the real life under lock and key
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Shoe Slave88
Posts: 63
Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 10:46 pm

Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by Shoe Slave88 »

For anyone out there who is relatively new to chastity or is having troubles convincing their significant other to hold their key the best advice I can give you is patience.

The first year relationship with my fiance she was not too interested in being my key holder. I would usually have to lock myself up and hand her the key which she would often just leave laying around on the coffee table or thrown in her purse. When she would unlock me for sex she would never put the cage back on I would always have to take it upon myself to do it. I basically had to be the key holder coach for the first year.

It's all about establishing the norm. Everyday she saw me wearing the cage and everyday she felt it against her when we hugged and I never took it off unless she wanted my penis for sex. In the beginning she would always offer me to have an orgasm and I would have to coach her and remind her that I'm only supposed to get one a week. And then after some time she would stop offering me the opportunity to finish but if I ever ask or beg she would often give in. After some time I convinced her to only let me have an orgasm once a month but again she would often feel bad and she would not enforce my denial. But little by little it became the norm and then one day I forgot to put the cage back on after sex and the next day she noticed that it was not on and then all of a sudden it clicked in her head that she got so used to me being locked up without her really giving any excessive effort and most of the time not really wanting to do it but I didn't bother her or push her I just kinda did it on my own and let it become a normal part of our life and now if I don't have the cage on it's abnormal. For me to have an orgasm more than once a month is abnormal. And of course all of the positive changes that happened in a relationship when a guy doesn't have orgasms she eventually saw the contrast and saw the benefits of denying me.

About a year-and-a-half into all of this she finally took complete control on her own. I am always locked up in the cage does not come off unless she wants my penis for sex. She started asserting her authority and taking full advantage of her control. She always kind of enjoyed physically torturing me because I'm a masochist and she's a little bit of a sadist but that just grew and Amplified throughout this process. Previous six months she has taken all of the knowledge and experience and Fantasies that I've talked and conveyed to her and she started taking it even further then what I ever imagined. She now has complete control. my previous record was 66 days of denial. It has been made very clear to me that the absolute soonest I will be having an orgasm will be one year. That started 76 days ago. The part that really gets me excited but also slightly scared at the same time is that she's made it very clear that she does not care at all about my physical sexual satisfaction. (This is a good thing in regards to me being a physical and psychological masochist)she does not want me to have any sexual stimulation on my penis anymore. She's more into the anal aspect but she says that if she can not care about me having an orgasm for three months then not caring about me having an orgasm for a year should be easy and why would she care if I have an orgasm after a year. So even though she's telling me I might get one after a year she's pretty much made it clear that I won't be getting any more at all.

In conclusion, the first year I had to beg and plead for the simplest things but I established a normal standard and it grew on her little by little and I remained patient because I love her that much and I wanted her to enjoy this in some way. It took well over a year but now she has not only met all of my fantasies and desires but she has far exceeded my expectations and so far I'm not regretting them LOL but I do think I'm teetering when the edge of regret :)
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sirmebane
Posts: 647
Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:48 pm
Last orgasm: December 19th, 2021
Orgasms this year: 0

Re: Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by sirmebane »

There are times I wish this forum had a LIKE button. Great story and congratulations!
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EDAS
Posts: 105
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 9:04 am

Re: Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by EDAS »

This could be the end of orgasms for you forever. So no more ever for maybe the rest of your life. Which I find great.

But does she edge you at all? Does she even touch your penis or stimulate in any way?

It sounds like you must give her as many orgasms as you want? If so, how do you do that? Is via oral or with your fingers?
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Shoe Slave88
Posts: 63
Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 10:46 pm

Re: Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by Shoe Slave88 »

She still likes PIV but oral orgasm are common for her pleasure. Toys as well. Of course I'm up for the task anytime she wants it.

My penis is rarely touched. She is adamant about me not receiving penile pleasure anymore. My "pleasure" comes from pain and by giving her pleasure. Ball torture, anal, humiliation, etc. We have confinement boxes/cages, ceiling hooks, and other types of furniture for bondage and torture. Electro, canes, many anal toys, but she really likes public humiliation. Anytime she's with other females like her sisters she'll always humiliate and dominate me. Make me walk around on all fours and kiss her high heels, be her foot stool, kick my balls, electrocute my balls with a shock collar, etc. She loves to make sure her female friends know how much she controls me. I love it though. Some of this stuff wasn't my interest to begin with but once she took complete control I gave in completely. I don't care who knows, I don't care what others think. I'm living my fantasy. I wouldn't ask for anything to change.
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Her Subject
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Re: Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by Her Subject »

Congratulations.

Similar experience here.

It takes some effort to get the first domino to fall. Then it “grows and amplifies.”
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VinnyDee
Posts: 182
Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:48 pm

Re: Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by VinnyDee »

I did it a different way. I started with teasing and denial. Just asked to be denied the next time we had sex so that my orgasm would be intensified. I mentioned some things about Tantric sex and how it increases intimacy but mostly just to try it once to see how much stronger my orgasm would be. When I finally had my orgasm, I amped it up a little bit more than it actually was. Told my wife it was great and then if we can try two orgasm denials just to see how that made my orgasm feel.

In the meantime I would mention of much more intimately it made me feel and that the sexual energy was making me more energetic and thinking about her all the time. My focus had shifted from my sexual pleasure to hers. I also said that when she orgasmed it made me feel that I also had one and it was a good feeling. So we went on like this. Subtly I only thanked her for denying me but never when she made me orgasm. I adjusted my behavior to be a little bit nicer when denied. Positive reinforcement methods.

My wife began to enjoy the extra attention and consideration I was giving her. I kept asking her to extend my denial period and just focus on her own orgasms. She grew to like it and I made sure she saw how well it affected me. We were on the honor system so when I suggested a three week denial period and my wife was eager to try it, I told her that I would need help going that long and showed her a CB6000 online and told her that is is what other wives are using to control their husband's masturbation and to deny them longer. She said if I wanted it to buy it. I bought it and I spent a few weeks adjusting it and getting used to it. Since I was putting it on and taking it off often, I held my own keys. When I wore it for sex my wife called it fake sex since there was not only a lack of an orgasm by me but also a lack of an erection. I amped up my outward behavior to show my wife the positive effects of orgasm denial. I never called it chastity. It was alway a long used method by women to keep guys interested and focused on them.

Things progressed and I was being denied for a month and my wife finally got into keyholding but found it too much work. We used games and rules which my wife felt took the control away from her and put it into the game and rules we had. Like most chastity contracts it was a user manual written by me which basically was if I do this, you do that. That locked her into doing things she may not have been in the mood to do and gave me control over her actions. If I wanted to be paddled I knew what to do. So we dropped all that stuff and only had one rule, she made all the rules, did not have to tell me what they were and could change them without prior notice. In other words, she did as she liked and that worked out well.

We are in year 5 of 24/7 lockup up and this year I will have only two orgasms, assuming I get the second in October which is iffy now since she wants me to wait until New Year's Eve all of a sudden but it could just be a ploy to surprise me on our anniversary. I really do not care at this point. I am used to wearing my Jailbird all the time like I do my wedding band. It is a part of me by now and no big deal.

I personally do not think the best approach is to go at your wife with a hunk of metal or plastic hanging off of your penis. I guess it depends on what you are aroused by. Most guys fantasize about being locked and get aroused by that so they buy a device and think they can wear it 24/7 and it will magically turn them into a submissive and their wife into a Dominatrix. This approach tends to scare the wife or KH away. They may think you are a pervert, freak or just do not want to have sex with them anymore. My wife started to think that I was not attracted to her until she saw how much more attracted to her I was after denial.

This is my advice. Baby steps. Get her used to teasing and denial first as it does not include some alien looking medieval contraption hanging off your pecker. Worse yet is if you show up wearing a device and tell her that it is all for her benefit and then list all those things you read online. I do not know about anyone else but being locked up did not make me submissive or my wife dominant. We did not form a FLR. I am still in charge of the marriage. Our chastity sex game is about control over orgasms and only in our bedroom. Of course since I am locked up all the time it does spill over into the rest of our life but it does not change our non sexual lives. My wife refuses to use sex as currency to reward me or punish me so it really does not affect my denial periods but naturally if she is pissed off at me from the day before she is not going to be in the mood for sex today. Other than that, we still have sex once a week like clockwork no matter what. We know how sex releases Oxytocin which emotionally bonds us together so we make sure we keep having sex when most couples our age do not. My wife's friends remark on how well I treat her but it is not chastity that does it, it is something I have always done because we have always had steady sex.

So you have two methods. The first is to jump out at her with a hunk of plastic handing off your penis trying to explain it is all for her and it turns you on. The other is to gradually slip into chastity play using no devices and the simple expedient of introducing teasing and denial to see how it intensifies your orgasm. When I thought a girl how to be sexually dominant over me, I did not hand her a whip and tell her to go at it. I started off simply with just a fun spanking. Then a blindfold. From there it lead to tying me up and ultimately whipping me until I was bleeding. It took a long time to get to that stage, but the point is that you do it gradually so that each step does not seem to be a big leap from the last. Glad it worked out for you. My wife and I are in our mid sixties and chastity has replaced 45 years of BDSM play in our sex lives. When we moved away from our girlfriend (also my Mistress) of 30 years, we needed a new fetish and Chastity appealed to my sexual masochist side but without the pain that my old body cannot take. I already live in pain from medical conditions so I did not need more. :)

For those of you trying to get your wives or girlfriends into chastity, I suggest the method I used. It takes longer but it has a very good chance of succeeding. Those who focus too much on the device tend to get bored with it as soon as the initial excitement wears off. That is why chastity is not as big a fetish as most others. If you read about someone who buys a device and then starts wearing it 24/7, I would wonder how they did that since it does take awhile to get used to wearing it 24/7 without developing painful skin conditions. Keep in mind that about 60% of what you read online is not factual or greatly exaggerated. I have seen them come and go just as quickly as they came over the last 5 years. They come in like gangbusters claiming that they got their device and have been wearing it 24/7 for months and that their KH went from submissive wife to cruel dominant keyholder in a few days. Guys seem to think why wouldn't someone want to have a slave or obedient spouse? Why wouldn't they want to have sexual pleasure only for themselves? Real life is not like that so baby steps is the way to go. Just my opinion as a fetishist who has convinced both my wife and several girlfriends to dominate me over the last 47 years. I know what works, for me at least and how to do it. Heck, I convinced my wife to share me with her best friend for 30 years of our marriage and even let her live with us. Having a Machiavellian personality as diagnosed by a Psychologist, helps in both my sexual and non sexual areas of life. It is simply a matter of figuring out what motivates people and then using that information to guide them to do was you wish them to do. They get benefited too but maybe not as much as I do. :)
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happilylockedman
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri May 12, 2017 3:32 pm
Location: South West Connecticut

Re: Trying to convince your keyholder?

Post by happilylockedman »

We have been heavily into MC for about two months now. I've been locked for most of that time. I've been very communicative about how I'm feeling and the positive effects I see. These positive effects include my putting her satisfaction way before mine and how my pleasure is blended so completely with hers. She's come to see these positive effects and like them too. A lot of these great effects have been a surprise to me and I've talked about them with her sharing my sense of discovery and pleasant surprise.

Last weekend we were "frolicking" but she wasn't that much into it. I asked her to play with me. As I got hot and bothered, writhing around, she seemed to have a new sense of her power and she seemed to like it. This is great because I want her to take a more assertive role around sex and this feels like a big step in that direction.
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