The role of "chastity devices"

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maybenexttime
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The role of "chastity devices"

Post by maybenexttime »

Many of the threads here are focused on a search for a "perfect" chastity device. That is, many here seem to need a device that's comfortable and unobtrusive enough to be worn 24/7 for extended periods (weeks? months?) and secure enough to prevent masturbation (and maybe even erection) without at least giving evidence of the deed.

I'm skeptical that a truly perfect device exists, at least for men without piercings, although many seem to come close. We've had a well-fitting Mature Metal cage for about 5 years that is very comfortable, but I still can't wear it nonstop for more than 3 or 4 days without serious chafing, and it makes travel and other activities that might involve metal detectors too much trouble to be practical for me.

But even if a perfect "extended wear" device existed, I'm come to wonder what the real point would be.

Some backstory: My lady and I have been together for about 15 years now, and have been playing seriously with chastity for at least a dozen of that. For over a decade, she's been in constant charge of my orgasms. We're both switches, and although she loves me to sexually dominate her, our rule even when I'm topping is that she decides when and if I can come. It works for us.

I'm sometimes not denied at all, and am allowed to come any time I ask. Other times, she makes me wait a month or (rarely) longer between relief. It's up to her, and she knows how to make it deliciously frustrating for me.

I LIKE that she controls my orgasms. I LIKE that she has that power over me. The frustration is frustrating, of course, but I LIKE it. I don't masturbate because she tells me, not because I'm physically prevented.

That said, we DO use the MM cage. During extended denial (after about a week), she'll have me wear it whenever I'm home, whenever I'm in bed. (we both travel a lot for our jobs, so we may or may not be in the same bed any given night). I always have access to the key. The point isn't to prevent masturbation, but to remind me if my hands should wander thoughtlessly. It also serves a reminder of my (totally voluntary) predicament, which adds to the frustration. But when I'm off to work, the cage comes off. And I still don't ever masturbate (without permission, of course).

I know some people (and couples) like the symbolism or look of a permanent 24/7 device, and that's fine. But it's so hard in practice for many of us to find a satisfactory one that's truly suitable. When we gave up on 24/7, I thought we were making a compromise, but in fact, it doesn't feel like a compromise at all.
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NoloMeTangere
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by NoloMeTangere »

I hear you, and even with a soldered on device with a piercing, you're never more than 10 minutes from freedom - at most.

That said, my wife loves the fact that it's not my "choice."
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locked4her55
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by locked4her55 »

I agree with you maybenextime. "if their's a will, their's a way". The idea for us is to deter the "will".

My Watchful Mistress is more of a deterrent, a reminder of a commitment to something. Like the other piece of metal I wear. ;)

I'm at the stage in my life that I don't bounce back from an orgasm like 15 years ago and if I were to defeat the plan, she would know about it. My attitude changes that much. Then the 'game' would be over. She has embraced this 'game' for me/us and I want it to continue. We are a better, more loving couple because of the 'game'.

Now, I don't have the need to travel like you so 24/7 is much easier for us.
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Tom Allen
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by Tom Allen »

While we know that devices can be defeated, they do present obstacles (some more so than others). Mrs Edge, even though she knows she can rely on my willpower, prefers to rely on the device because, in her mind, it's the difference between *me* controlling my temptation, or *her* controlling my temptation.

She prefers it to be her, of course.
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maybenexttime
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by maybenexttime »

Thanks for all the replies!

I often think it might be easier for me with a secure 24/7 device that I don't have keys for, since I wouldn't have to depend as much on my own willpower and discipline. The way we use the device gets us most of the way there, however, since it's on pretty much any time I might be in a position to masturbate. The only difference is that some of that time, I have easy access to the key (since she's not always around). But I certainly think of her, and she thinks of herself, as my "keyholder", even if that's not literally true all the time. And it's all so amazingly sexy, even after all this time.

Anyway, my main point is that for those struggling, and unable, to find a "perfect" device, you might be able to achieve what you want with a less full time device (or no device at all).
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maybenexttime
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by maybenexttime »

Or, put another way, don't be frustrated because you can't find a perfect device, be frustrated because you can't have an orgasm!
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by TwistedMister »

locked4her55 wrote:I'm at the stage in my life that I don't bounce back from an orgasm like 15 years ago and if I were to defeat the plan, she would know about it. My attitude changes that much. Then the 'game' would be over.
Similar here, when I was in my 20s, I could get off 6-7 times a day...and did, with the [much] older woman I lived with for a too brief period of time (she was married to someone else, a real asshole, but that's a whole 'nother story). Back then, 'young, dumb, and full of cum', I was always 'on' and rarely needed more than an hour to recover and be ready to go again. Now, it takes a good deal longer.

For us, the role of the device is forced and enforced chastity. I have some masochistic tendencies and the scenario of not having a choice is highly erotic to me, being forced to wear a device that constrains erections, is 'inconvenient' and at times uncomfortable, even painful during periods of extreme arousal, results in increased libido and more erections (attempted, within the confines of the device), and being unable to gain relief from orgasm increases it further...a sort of 'catch-22' where the predicament increases the desire, which makes the predicament worse which serves to further increase the desire, and 'round and 'round it goes.

I can and have worn the CB-3000 for months at a time without removal for any reason. I certainly have the tools to remove it, but 'cheating' or unpermitted removal would be noticed...this would not end 'The Game' but would trigger consequences that I would find unpleasant and undesirable- intentionally designed to be of a nature that ensures that I would not 'like' them and be tempted to purposely cause them to occur.

It took a bit of thought to come up with penalties of the right sort. I have a history of 'breaking the rules' in spite of, and even because of, threats of 'punishment'...even to the risk of life and limb (which is/was one of the root causes of my career choices for a number of decades), telling me that I "can't" do something is like a dare that I can't turn down- I'll do it and just to say "Now, I did it, what are you going to [try to] do about it?" (But that too is a whole 'nother story.)

Realism is what turns me on. Simply putting a cage on my junk does nothing for/to me, and playing 'Let's Pretend' doesn't work either. I need a true transfer of power and control in order for it to be erotic- that means a physical device, and severe/extreme penalties for defeating it or even 'suspected' cheating, penalties that I absolutely do not want to occur...and to that end, several things that are on my list of 'hard limits' can be used in this one circumstance.

Simply saying 'game over' as a penalty doesn't work, because that ultimately means that control is still in my hands- I could quit any time I want just by refusing to cooperate and that kills the eroticism. For me, one of the most erotic aspects is not being able to quit, not being able to stop if I don't feel like 'playing' anymore. What trips my trigger is to not have a choice, to be in a situation that I can't 'get out of', to be subject to [sexual] control with no option to refuse...which includes not only forced/enforced 'chastity and orgasm control, but sexual activities of all sorts- even those (and especially those) in which I would not choose to engage willingly. What gets me hard is the idea (and reality) of being forced to do things that I don't/wouldn't 'want' to do (as well as things that I *do* like to do), and having that arousal further used against me by being prevented from achieving the usual end result of arousal- orgasm- except as an infrequent 'reward' which serves to further increase/reinforce arousal.

It's a bit twisted and convoluted but that's what 'works' for me.
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Re: The role of "chastity devices"

Post by sherulestherooster »

locked4her55 wrote:I'm at the stage in my life that I don't bounce back from an orgasm like 15 years ago and if I were to defeat the plan, she would know about it. My attitude changes that much. Then the 'game' would be over. She has embraced this 'game' for me/us and I want it to continue. We are a better, more loving couple because of the 'game'.
This. My wife would know in an instant if I took care of myself. I guess this is one of those curses of aging. The "orgasm hangover" I get from a full orgasm is almost not worth it to me. My attitude changes pretty drastically and I also have pretty long recovery times. Case in point, we had a romantic getaway with a few other couples to celebrate our anniversaries. No kids. We had sex in the morning, then met them for breakfast and hung out a bit. To my surprise, she initiated sex after we returned to our room, maybe 2-3 hours later... and I could not get hard again.

During our heavy orgasm denial years, she really enjoyed the fact that it was more difficult for me to be on the honor system. And, I think she thought I was a little too needy when locked up. Ergo, we do not play with chastity much anymore, although we still play with orgasm denial (for me). I would like to be locked up more, and there are some times that I will self-lock just to enjoy the feeling of being restrained. But, it doesn't seem like chastity will be a big part of our sex life moving forward.
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