Ground rules for full-time chastity?

[Dukestoy]

Hello A/all. My Better Half and I are looking for some input from people who have taken the plunge and started a full-time chastity relationship. We've been playing around with chastity using a PA-5000 since the start of our relationship, and we've now ordered a custom cage so we've been setting out a plan with ground rules, ready for when it arrives. The intention is that, after a period of a few weeks for me to get used to it, She'll take charge of the key permanently.
So far, we've agreed that there'll be a back-up key in a keysafe at home, to which only She'll know the combination. This will only be for absolute emergencies.
Other than such emergencies, I will only ever be unlocked when my wrists are cuffed so I can never touch my uncaged cock. As we're buying a PA device without a scrotal ring, I'll be able to shave without removing it. I'll be handcuffed in the bath or shower while She unlocks and washes me, as this is something She really enjoys doing.
Apart from washing, I'll only be unlocked every few weeks initially (and less frequently, I imagine, as time progresses!) and will only be permitted orgasms with Her permission.
Have any of you fellow kinksters set any ground rules in similar circumstances, that we might find useful?

[QuothTheRaven]

Chastity is like Calvin Ball. You make up the rules as you go along. Its going to vary quite a bit from one person/couple to another. My wife is very vanilla, and generally a passive individual. I am caged all the time. I have been for 2 1/2 years, and suspect that I will be for a very long time. She's more interested in stopping masturbation than the kink side, though she thinks the stainless cages are sexy. As long as I don't get off myself, and am ready for her when she wants, that's good enough. I do my own maintenance, and can take the key in the morning to shower and shave without asking, but she expects me to lock up right after. Sometimes after riding my bike I can stay out for the rest of the day if we are going to be together, or will be going out for the evening. But when we go to bed its back into the cage. Never allowed out over night or when home alone.

[Shepherdsflock]

It's pretty simple for us. I stay locked all the time except for cleaning, and occasionally I am out if I am mountain biking or something where wearing the cage could cause severe discomfort or injury, and lock up as soon as I'm done.

There is no "supervised" freedom like being unlocked while handcuffed or anything like that. Erections and anything involving my penis are a thing of the past.

[curious_college]

There is no "supervised" freedom like being unlocked while handcuffed or anything like that. Erections and anything involving my penis are a thing of the past.

I'm new to all of this, so... why?

[Shepherdsflock]

There is no "supervised" freedom like being unlocked while handcuffed or anything like that. Erections and anything involving my penis are a thing of the past.

I'm new to all of this, so... why?

It's a long story (which you can read in my "journey" thread), but I'll try to summarize it.

Penetrative sex has always been painful for my wife. She hates intercourse. Hates it. She also hates masturbation.

Well, with the abysmal sex life we used to have, I secretly developed a pretty big masturbation problem. At least once per day, sometimes up to three times per day.

I got a chastity device because I was really sick of my masturbation habit and wanted to do something about it. My wife, however, got into it because it offered her an opportunity to enjoy sex without penetration. She responded to it very positively from the first time we made love with me locked up.

Neither my wife nor I like receiving oral. And she has tried giving me handjobs a few times, and she is awful at it and I really struggle to climax with them. It's mostly 20 minutes of frustration that ends in me asking her to stop because she's rubbing me raw.

So, for me, my only means of orgasm has been intercourse or masturbation. As my wife got more comfortable and confident with keeping me chaste, she eventually began asking for permanent chastity. She never wants to go back to penetrative sex. She's happy knowing I will give her orgasms and not be able to demand anything in return. Plus, I think she gets a sense of revenge or justice from it. After all the years of painful orgasmless sex, I think she gets some pleasure knowing that I now have to go without orgasms and feel the constant reminder of a cage that won't even let me have an erection. That penis that was always causing her pain and getting her pregnant all the time (5 times in less than 8 years) is locked up and as far as she's concerned she never wants me to be able to use it again.

And for me, I'm glad to have a more active sex life. For a while I really missed erections and orgasms, but I'm finally reaching a point where my memory of what they felt like is fading. I can live without them.

So, that's why my chastity is permanent and we don't have all kinds of rules. The only rules we have is I stay locked all the time except cleaning and activities where it would be dangerous or very uncomfortable to be locked, and I am not going to use my penis anymore.

[Dukestoy]

@Shepherdsflock thanks for sharing: it sounds like the two of you have found your perfect relationship. For us, my preference would be to not have any opportunity to unlock myself, but a few people on other forums where I've discussed it suggest that it would be best to have the spare key attached to a breakable security tag, so it would obvious if I used it. Any thoughts?

[Shepherdsflock]

@Shepherdsflock thanks for sharing: it sounds like the two of you have found your perfect relationship. For us, my preference would be to not have any opportunity to unlock myself, but a few people on other forums where I've discussed it suggest that it would be best to have the spare key attached to a breakable security tag, so it would obvious if I used it. Any thoughts?

Perfect? Not exactly. If I had my way, my wife would learn to enjoy intercourse and I would get to use my penis. It's not perfect, but it is a lot better than what we used to have.

As for a spare key, I agree with the others. Life happens. You will find yourself in situations where you need to unlock. I keep a spare key when I travel.

[Dukestoy]

Sorry, "perfect" probably wasn't the best choice of words. I've just read your "New experience in self control" thread and I can see some parallels with my own desire to stop masturbating and allow myself to be fully focussed on my Better Half's pleasure.

[Shepherdsflock]

Sorry, "perfect" probably wasn't the best choice of words. I've just read your "New experience in self control" thread and I can see some parallels with my own desire to stop masturbating and allow myself to be fully focussed on my Better Half's pleasure.

Yeah, it's better than it used to be, it's just hard sometimes. The fact that she actually enjoys sex now is worth it, but to be totally transparent there are times when it's really hard. Especially between about the end of the first month to the third month. Adjustingto life without erections or orgasms is tough for a while. There were times I was on the edge of tears just wanting to have an erection.

There are still days when it's hard. Even though I don't really remember what erections or orgasms feel like, the urge for some kind of release is still there and it gets pretty strong sometimes. Permanent chastity is not an easy road, and I couldn't imagine doing this without a wife who encourages me. If she didn't want it so bad, there's no way I could do it.

[Dukestoy]

That goes for the two of us, too: it took a fair bit of time and trust before I could persuade Herself that this is what I really want, as a long-term / permanent part if our relationship. Without getting too cheesy on you (because, y'know, I'm English, and we're not very comfortable about paying compliments to strangers) your thread is really inspirational: I'm considering showing it to Her as I think it'll really help Her to get me.