Chastity Forums

My wife and I began playing around with male chastity about a year and a half ago and it's going well. I've moved from a CB-6000S to a MatureMetal Jailbird resulting in longer lockups, which is exactly the direction I'd hoped we'd go with it.

I'm all about her controlling my orgasms and deciding when I'm allowed pleasure, but I'm still making it about me. For some reason, I imagine that others practicing this lifestyle have T&D sessions nearly every night and that my wife just isn't that sexual and we probably shouldn't be doing this (I know, a little over-dramatic)

This board has been so helpful with a lot of things and the people here are great so please, let me know honestly - How often are T&D sessions for you? Do you go days where sex isn't even discussed? Have you ever gotten your hopes up only to feel disappointed because nothing happened? How did you work through the desire to top from the bottom and just give up control?

I'm not sure what you mean by a "session", but my wife makes sure I know I'm denied multiple times a day.

She'll give me a long kiss on the way out the door to run errands and tell me that she's hopeful she'll run into a guy with a penis worth thinking about. Or, she'll come in and grab my crotch and then tell me she was thinking about letting me out but then she's reminded at how disappointing it is when she does.

Maybe that's not what you refer to as a "session", but she's giving me little pokes and prods that I'm getting nothing throughout the day. At night we usually cuddle and kiss for 15-20 minutes, and I've learned that if I ask her nicely to be let out that's when she rolls over and the interaction is over. So, I'm left with being allowed to cuddle, kiss and caress but if I make any overtures that's the end of it. Sometimes I'll ask her when she thinks I'll be let out, and her usual answer is "probably never, I like you much better locked away and suffering".

I have yet to be locked and forgotten, I think that would be terrible.

Honestly I don't know where the other couples find the time for so much activity. I'm lucky to get one or two times per week out of my wife.

Shepherdsflock wrote:Honestly I don't know where the other couples find the time for so much activity. I'm lucky to get one or two times per week out of my wife.

We're in line with this model. A passionate kiss and cuddle each night, but a full on T&D is only about once per week. PIV is about once every two weeks—depending on how sleep deprived we are (and unless we're on holiday, we're always at some level of sleep deprivation).

Thanks for the responses!

The more I think about it, the less I really know what I mean by a session. I guess some form of physical teasing from her while you bring her to as many orgasms as she wants.

But even then, teasing can mean a quick squeeze of your locked package as she's leaving for work and hearing "All locked up. The way it should be" so I admit I was a little vague. That and it's different for everyone.

Like I mentioned in my original post, I brought this up mostly to gauge where other couples were to ease my own mind a little. Reading anything on the Internet can make your own experience feel inadequate so it's always good to hear some real life advice from others.

I hope I'm making some sense and not babbling too much.

It varies like everything else, especially once the initial glow had passed. I've had the occasional week of being locked and pretty much ignored; not a fun experience, but life isn't always fun. At first I wanted T&D every day, but she wasn't so involved and over time I learned to go at her pace. Somehow it's always better when she instigates than if I top from the bottom. It takes time to get used to it but it's worth it.

I have been learning over the last couple of months but the hardest part for me is letting her lead. I have all these ideas and suggestions and at no time has it made our experience better. My strategy is to shut up and do what I'm told.

My wife always knows that I'm ready to do her bidding since when I'm locked, I'm very affectionate but I have learned to let her decide when she wants something more. She decides when I'm locked, how long I'm locked, when she wants to play and how.

My job is to enthusiastically agree to whatever she wants and deal with not getting to have an orgasm no matter how hot it gets.

I love it. It works for us.

sirmebane, your post is very spot on regarding how I feel. Letting her lead and just waiting for something to happen.

I've vowed to get better at it, but it's really difficult.

Also agree absolutely with sirmebane. It's taken me years to stop topping from the bottom.
The comment " I have all these ideas and suggestions and at no time has it made our experience better" is spot on for us also. I think our chastity "lifestyle" is now most genuine but also harder for me as she considers my orgasms basically defunct (two or three per annum and no ruined). T&D sessions are typically one a week, sometimes twice, sometimes a two week gap depending on life.

My personal opinion, is that for best results, full on T & D sessions should be at least once every week or two. This keeps the subject at an aroused level that enhances his desire to please, and lets the skin stretch and retain elasticity.

The lady might choose to do it more frequently to induce a greater level of arousal and frustration, but it should be her choice. Too high a frequency of T&D sessions might begin to seem like work, and too much focus on his 'pleasure' (though the ultimate pleasure is denied). The frequency of T&D should not be based on *his* desires, but rather it is a *tool* for her to use to keep him at an optimal state of arousal suitable for *her* desires...and of course, for her amusement.

Other, lesser teasing such as touches while caged, texts, pictures, teasing talk, etc for the rest of the time can of course be very useful too. Personally, I find that providing oral pleasure while caged is an immense tease- aroused, dealing with the discomfort of being highly aroused while caged and *knowing* that it is not likely that I will be released and given similar pleasure is extremely erotic to me.

YMMV, this is just my personal opinion based on how I react to T&D, and my interpretation of how it can be best used by the lady.