Read a troubling article.

Living the real life under lock and key
Post Reply
ilkinj2
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 1:08 am

Read a troubling article.

Post by ilkinj2 »

So first off, here's the full article:
http://studyitonline.com/g4g/2014/04/do ... your-wife/

I'm 20, and have only ever been self locked (and never for very long). I had definitely planned on introducing chastity in future relationships, but this article made me second guess myself. Namely this part:

"If you make your wife or girlfriend dominate you, then regardless of what is ideal, she will no longer view you as a man.

A straight or bi leaning straight woman not viewing you as the man means that you will lose authority over the aspects of her sexuality that require a man to regulate. She will cheat on you or at least think of cheating on you with men who are manly and at least temporarily want to dominate her instead of her dominating them."

The author uses "make her dominate you," which of course is wrong (pressuring your significant other to fulfill your fetishes), but it from reading the rest of the article it seems like her meaning is that this will occur whether you pressure her or she legitimately chooses to fulfill them. I'm not sure.

I guess I'm just looking to see if there are any *monogamous* couples out there who contradict what the author says:
-women who dominate/put their man in chastity and still view him as a man,
-men who like being dominated and still like "normal" sex and who still feel like men,
-men who like sexual domination who are still the 'leader'/'more dominant' one in the relationship, so to speak.

any feedback is appreciated.
0 x

Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Preposterous. There are plenty of men and women on this forum that either play with or live a lifestyle of female dominance and are happily monogamous.

This seems to be based on the faulty belief that women have to be dominated to be happy.
0 x

User avatar
cagedmonkey
Posts: 69
Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 6:37 pm

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by cagedmonkey »

To evaluate the validity of this article (and the site as a whole), all you need to do is look at the headlines of some of the other posts on the site:

"New Masculinity Syndrome Symptom: Men Using Kink to Avoid Intercourse"

"Why a Man Should Want to Take Care of You"

"Why Chicks Dig Jerks"

For the record... this article also suggests "outsourcing" your kink needs, which is also known as "cheating on your wife." In my opinion, this is more likely to make you lose her than communicating your desire for some D/s action.

Bottom line: this website is filled with biased, anti-kink, anti-gay, anti-feminist... pretty much anti-"anything other than vanilla, male-driven, 'this is how it should be' sexuality" opinions. The author apparently knows the answers to everyone's problems, knows how everyone should behave, and is an authority on the "right" and "wrong" ways to live.

I hope my sarcasm isn't too well hidden.

Our blog is the evidence of the author being wrong - My Lady loves my masculinity, because it makes her feel even more powerful when she controls me.
0 x
Subby hubby to the lovely Lady M
Devices (currently wearing): Jailbird, Revenge,
There is no better feeling than giving control of all of your sexual pleasures to the woman you love.
http://www.monkeyinacage.com

User avatar
Tom Allen
Site Admin
Posts: 4414
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:27 pm
Location: Southern New England, USA
Last orgasm: March 18th, 2018
Orgasms this year: 0
Contact:

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by Tom Allen »

You're 20, and it would be easy to fall into the "red pill" mindset. This board tends to have a lot of people who are older and in more established relationships; most of us here are less concerned with keeping up our game, and are trying to add some spark into our LTRs.

My own belief is that most women don't actually like the popular femdom tropes, and are put off by what they see in the media. It's not until we become more secure in ourselves and in our relationships that we can explore different paradigms of female domination.

My own wife considers herself to be vanilla, yet enjoys having the control over my cock using a chastity device, or using T&D, ruined orgasms, and occasional maintenance whippings. In her mind, she sees this as taming something masculine and animal. She enjoys it because we have a shared paradigm.

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/ ... k-locking/

I think that trying to talk your partner into feminization and sissyfication may be more difficult because of our cultural expectations of manhood and masculinity. That said, chastity does not lead to any of that; those are other kinks that you'd have to explore.
0 x

MarcusXIII
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2014 12:26 pm

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by MarcusXIII »

Power exchange is for adults. I don't think BeTheJerk is an adult approach to relationships. I laugh and then cringe when I see where people want who to adopt a highly individualistic way of life and then go running to their defacto authority figures in RP land for their approval. And yet...I can understand the attraction to that whole deal given some of the ideas and messages that have been flying around out there.

My advice is to only enter and stay in relationships where both parties are held accountable for their actions. Life isnt the binary choice between being a doormat or being a jerk that some would have you believe. I would also put the BS detectors on full blast the moment somebody starts telling you that they can speak on behalf of an entire gender with regard to sexuality.

In the realm of surrendering power? Don't dive into the deep end of the pool on day one. Start in the shallow end and back off and reconfigure when it looks like things aren't headed in the right direction.
0 x

Happily caged
Posts: 172
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2015 10:37 pm

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by Happily caged »

Even if we accepted that there could be some truth to the article (and I'm being generous), chastity can always be modified to fit the circumstances.

For example, though I'm lucky my wife is assertive,I could have adjusted chastity to asubmissive wife just as easily. For example, I could have picked myself and kept the key as a way for me to deny her easy access. Then she'd be the submissive and I the Dom.

Even with my wife being assertive,I've had to adapt. She dislikes chastity devices out of a concern for my health. As a result, I use the Jailbird to reassure her It's an open design so easy to keep clean and any problem could be seen right away.

Furthermore, she insists I keep the keys, but accepts that I leave the keys at home when I'm out and wear the device when we're not together. As a result, it's usuallya solitary game for me except on occasion. Sometimes, albeit rarely, she gets in the mood to play chastity with me. She'll tell me to take it off for her and once she's done, she'll tell me with a smile to wash and put it on again in the morning. Or she'll joke that it's her exclusive toy. Even more rarely, she'll ask for the key for a day or two.

However, she insists that I don't wear it to her when she's home she travels for work sometimes.

Chastity can adapt to any relationship.
0 x

Mash2214
Posts: 15
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 12:22 am

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by Mash2214 »

My wife and I have been happily married for 30 years. The first 25 I was free to have an orgasm when ever I wanted including self pleasuring. The last five years I committed my self totally to my wife and Keyholder I now have about 4 orgasms a year and my wife who had almost none for 25 years has about 50 a year. The greatest gift you can give is love and respect to your spouse. What happens in the privacy of our home or between my legs doesn't in anyway make me less of a man. In public my wife's friends would do anything to have there husbands treat them the way I treat my wife in public. The greatest gift if ever given her is my commitment to making her happy and the key.
0 x

User avatar
locked4her55
Posts: 2154
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2012 10:23 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Last orgasm: May 17th, 2020
Orgasms this year: 7
Gender:

Re: Read a troubling article.

Post by locked4her55 »

+1 Mash2214
0 x
Happily secured since 4/2010 :-)
Have worn CB3000, CB6000s, MM Jail Bird & Watchful Mistress,
DHgate A271 & 273, DHgate Full Stainless Steel Belt & DHgate HT nub
Currently wearing A273

Post Reply