Getting her to tease more

[sirmebane]

Early on while we were experimenting, I asked my wife to edge me before ruining an orgasm. She did as I asked but afterwards she made it clear that she didn’t like edging and felt it was ‘too planned’ or ‘not romantic’ or something else that she just couldn’t articulate.

I’m pushing two weeks of being locked up and I’m craving some attention but most of what she does for me is above the waist and brief. She will tweak my nipples, rub my chest and this morning she even cupped my balls as she walked out the door to work. My attentions to her are everything from passionate kissing, foot rubs, hugging, cuddling and satisfying her sexual desires whenever and however she’ll let me. In short, I want more attention and I really want to her to spent time teasing me but she seems to limit her efforts perhaps so I don’t get too wound up and become a hand full.

My chant for her throughout this experiment is “you’re in charge, you decide” which she isn’t comfortable with but has started to own little by little as we go along. Maybe she is more keen a tease than I understand, giving me just enough to keep me interested and wanting to pull my hair out.

I’m looking for some real world experience on how you addressed this without ‘topping from the bottom’ and letting her continue to own the decisions without interference. I know that I need to help guide her to my needs (particularly early in the process) and talking to her isn’t a bad thing, but I don’t want to break anything nor do I want to step on any landmines.

Thoughts?

[slave d]

When you find the answer let us all know OK. There are at least half a dozen threads asking exactly the same question lol.

ld

[B2Please]

I think it is a constant process of:
Appreciate & Enjoy what she does.
Politely communicate new things you think would be hot.
Negotiate mainly between "games".

I have trouble with this too! When I'm locked up more than a few days, my brain keeps inventing new fantasy scenarios that would be so fun, so my desire & needs seem to tend to go up, just when she's trying to make it a fun win-win game.

If I ask for too much, the game will end soon, as it's too much management hassle for her.

[Shepherdsflock]

It's a seemingly never-ending battle to conquer your own selfishness and learn to submit to your wife's feeling of what is fun and appropriate.

Even without chastity this is a universal part of a sexual relationship, but chastity really makes you deal with it head on because you can't just masturbate to take the edge off.

[Aarkey]

You aren't alone sirmebane. Not one bit. Your voice is echoing something that is very commonly heard here. And the dilemma is real, and kudos for reaching out.

The great trouble comes from you wanting her to be in charge, and yet YOU want more. With her in charge you aren't getting what you want. So are you sure that you really do want her in charge?

Communicate with her, and be patient. VERY patient. Try to focus on hearing more and not responding.These fantasies and ideas have swirled in your head for some time, and it sounds like she wants to be supportive - but the fantasies are yours and not hers. And when your patience is struggling, breathe and ask for more patience.

Perhaps she would be responsive to coming here and joining the conversation with other women (there is a women's only forum here, right?) There are a fair number of books on chastity out there, maybe she would be open to reading (some are quite "out there" so be sure to look for recommendations and read reviews first.) Another possibility is to find other people who are living in a Female led relationship (I'm not sure if that's really what you want either.) Most larger areas have some kind of FemDom support group, but again that can be a MUCH deeper end of the pool than what you (or more importantly, what she) might be interested in.

I know a lot about what doesn't work, I wish I had more suggestions about what does.

[Bird in a Cage]

Has anyone pointed their KH to the pleasetease.org site? It's a non-chastity, fairly vanilla site that appears to guide women on how to tease the snot out of their men.

[Grizzly228]

I'm fortunate that when my gf is around in person she is great at teasing and does enjoy edging and occasional ruining my orgasms. But when she's away which is 5+ days a week it's hard to get the same excitement. If we lived together I could probably be caged all the time but when I'm denied for a long time and left to my own devices with no attention it becomes a chore rather than enjoyable.

Even a nice teasing text or sexy pic would be enough to keep the kindling smoldering. But i try to take the very good with the less good.

[cycling2work]

my password manager got hacked and my username exposed - for this reason I had to delete all posts. thanks for keeping the edit function alive!

[sherulestherooster]

Well, I'm in the same boat as many of the gents here. I don't think you can "get" her to do anything. I've positively reinforced ("hey, I really liked how you...") and I've avoided topping from the bottom as much as possible (that helped a lot!).

Still, even some things that she initiated and blew my mind with, she won't do anymore. Not sure why ~ did she not enjoy it? Oh well.

It's a fine line here: almost every sex advice site I've read speaks to communicating your desires/fantasies honestly and openly, so it seems like we need to do that. In my case, she has a rule not to make "suggestions" during playtime, only afterward.

If you figure it out, let us know!