Why?

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Why?

Post by locknload »

I am sure this has been discussed numerous times, but rather than search out an old discussion I want to start a new dialogue.

So, I wonder, what makes a man desire cumm denial? I feel the urge myself, of course. But I wonder what drives that. Orgasms feel wonderful! Naturally, they drain your energy, but it returns. What makes you do this to yourself? Is there some element of self hatred? Or a subconscious sexual frustration expressing itself in this fashion?

I am certain there are many motivations, and I would love to hear about them in order to reflect on my own reasons. On the face of it, denying oneself such an essential pleasure is odd, to put it mildly. How would you explain your denial/chastity cravings to a friend?

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Re: Why?

Post by TwistedMister »

When I was little, too young to have discovered orgasms, candy was a rarity in my house. Cookies,cake and other edible crap was rare as well. However, candy did appear now and then, at times like Xmas, Halloween and Easter.

Not all candy, and especially chocolate, is created equal. Some of it is barely edible and some is good. But for a rare commodity, some is better than none, even if it isn't the best. Since events bringing candy were fairly rare, I would endeavor to make what I had last as long as possible- I would ration it, just a little bit at a time, and then wait before having more. Of course, I ate the ones that weren't very good *first*, savoring the anticipation of how good the good ones would be when I finally got to them...

I think there's a little bit of that in it.

(And that thing with the candy...I still do that...I have a big Hershey Special Dark chocolate bar on the end-table next to the couch, every so often I'll break off a block, then break the rectangle in half and eat a half. It's been 18 months, and I've only eaten half of the bar...and there's a new one with it now. I should be good for a few years.)
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Bird in a Cage
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Re: Why?

Post by Bird in a Cage »

To curb an uncontrollable masturbation habit. I have no other addictions, so it took me a long time to see the impact of this behavior. In my case, "addiction" is the right word, because even when I would try to stop using the honor system, I would end up "sneaking one in" every couple of days like it was a good thing.

Since this endeavor, I've been happier, more focused, more energetic, and my already great relationship with my wife has become unbelievably amazing. We're like one of those old couples interviewed in "When Harry Met Sally."
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sirmebane
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Re: Why?

Post by sirmebane »

Bird in a Cage wrote: Since this endeavor, I've been happier, more focused, more energetic, and my already great relationship with my wife has become unbelievably amazing. We're like one of those old couples interviewed in "When Harry Met Sally."
I didn't have an addiction to break but we got busy and I got lazy about tending to her needs. There were times when I wanted to come and it was easier to take care of it myself. It is a corrosive habit and you naturally aren't as concerned with her needs when your own are met. Putting your own pleasure in her hands and having to make her happy to get those sensations is a life-changing realization for a relationship.

Denial turns me on, satin panties turn me on, power exchange turns me on... I can't explain why certain things excite me but they do. Perhaps it is enough to know that it does excite you and to utilize it to make your relationship better. Trying to understand why the brain fires certain neurons when it does may take more effort than is necessary to have true peace. I share things with my wife that I couldn't discuss with anyone else who knows my name. That intimacy is what makes our relationship strong.
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Re: Why?

Post by Tom Allen »

I wrote about this a while back:

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/ ... in-a-cage/
As someone in a relationship in which the both of us enjoy the power exchange of Orgasm Control, I can tell you that once you get past the point of thinking that you are missing out on your orgasms (admittedly, this takes some time to learn), you get into a stage in which you are constantly living on the edge of frustrated arousal that becomes not simply pleasant, but an almost over-whelming feeling of expectation and anticipation.

It’s 24 hours of feeling like you’re just about to unwrap a gift.

It’s the moment between seeing the rockets being lit, and seeing the huge fireworks explosion in the sky.

It’s being the in the roller coaster just three seconds before it hits the top and plummets down the track.

It’s being a child going to bed on Christmas eve.

The constant anticipation can be heady and dizzying and wonderful and very emotional, and all at the same time.
In other words, the exhilaration of arousal has somewhat replaced the thrill of orgasm.
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Re: Why?

Post by carolina cyclist »

A busy hectic life raising two active boys morphed in to chronic masturbation. I would lay in bed beside her thinking she was asleep and start jerking off then get up and go finish in the bathroom.

Now, as Tom Allen wrote about, the sheer excitement of always being on the verge of an orgasm is more powerful than any orgasm. Well, maybe not more powerful than an orgasm after 60+ days of not having one. Imagine that feeling right after a great orgasm then imagine feeling like that all of the time.

I am a better husband and lover to my wife now. Our sex life has exploded in ways I never thought possible and my once tame Catholic girl is now quite the sexual vixen!

Best of luck to you!
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Re: Why?

Post by locknload »

Though I used to masturbate pretty often, though I think it was more in response to dwindling sexual activity with my gal. So I don't consider myself an addict (though of course who does?). I agree that one's turn ons are impossible to reason out completely, but I sure would like to see where this is leading.
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locknload
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Re: Why?

Post by locknload »

TwistedMister wrote:When I was little, too young to have discovered orgasms, candy was a rarity in my house. Cookies,cake and other edible crap was rare as well. However, candy did appear now and then, at times like Xmas, Halloween and Easter.

Not all candy, and especially chocolate, is created equal. Some of it is barely edible and some is good. But for a rare commodity, some is better than none, even if it isn't the best. Since events bringing candy were fairly rare, I would endeavor to make what I had last as long as possible- I would ration it, just a little bit at a time, and then wait before having more. Of course, I ate the ones that weren't very good *first*, savoring the anticipation of how good the good ones would be when I finally got to them...

I think there's a little bit of that in it.

(And that thing with the candy...I still do that...I have a big Hershey Special Dark chocolate bar on the end-table next to the couch, every so often I'll break off a block, then break the rectangle in half and eat a half. It's been 18 months, and I've only eaten half of the bar...and there's a new one with it now. I should be good for a few years.)
But is the time between chocolates torture?? loo
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locknload
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Re: Why?

Post by locknload »

carolina cyclist wrote:A busy hectic life raising two active boys morphed in to chronic masturbation. I would lay in bed beside her thinking she was asleep and start jerking off then get up and go finish in the bathroom.

Now, as Tom Allen wrote about, the sheer excitement of always being on the verge of an orgasm is more powerful than any orgasm. Well, maybe not more powerful than an orgasm after 60+ days of not having one. Imagine that feeling right after a great orgasm then imagine feeling like that all of the time.

I am a better husband and lover to my wife now. Our sex life has exploded in ways I never thought possible and my once tame Catholic girl is now quite the sexual vixen!

Best of luck to you!
How did your wife take your interest in chastity? How did the relationship dynamic chnge? My gal is not dominant but is beginning to play along with my desire to be denied for weeks at a time.
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locknload
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Re: Why?

Post by locknload »

Oh, and carolina cyclist, how do you cycle while in chastity? I find riding while locked up unbearably painful. I am a cyclist in North Carolina myself. :)
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