Why do you want this?

Living the real life under lock and key
User avatar
sirmebane
Posts: 468
Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:48 pm

Why do you want this?

Post by sirmebane »

Having some good conversations with the wife and her constant question is "Why?"

I have answered her the best that I know how and as honestly as I think I can but my answers all tend to be around the edge of an idea. Explaining why something turns you on is usually followed by "because it does." The answer is unfulfilling for the one asking the question and I want to help her understand.

I have explained the benefits of chastity as I understand them but I struggle with a direct answer to a question like that.

What have you told your wives/SO/KH when you first explained this to her? I'd love to have some better answer.
0 x
If my comments don't annoy you, follow my exploits here. I started all of this April 2016.
viewtopic.php?f=15&t=62123

Silent One
Posts: 30
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:44 pm
Location: central NC, USA

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by Silent One »

It is a way to show that your own without everyone knows it. Its a private dirty little secret. First time i went into public wearing it and no one else knew it, Mistress's clitty got excited cause i knew something erotic, kinky, dirty that no one else knew but Mistress and i.
0 x

Shepherdsflock
Posts: 359
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:38 pm

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by Shepherdsflock »

I didn't get into this because I had a kink for it. I got okinto it because I really wanted to stop masturbating. The sexual part of it came later when I wore it during my wife's period and she had a very positive reaction to it. Making love to her with no hope of gratification for me was a huge turn on for her. It made her feel like I was making love to her just because I loved her, not because I wanted something from her. She has gotten to where she wants sex to always be this way and never really wants my penis involved or unlocked. She even struggles to get aroused if she knows I'm unlocked.
0 x

User avatar
Tom Allen
Site Admin
Posts: 4266
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:27 pm
Location: Southern New England, USA
Last orgasm: March 18th, 2018
Contact:

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by Tom Allen »

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/ ... in-a-cage/
As someone in a relationship in which the both of us enjoy the power exchange of Orgasm Control, I can tell you that once you get past the point of thinking that you are missing out on your orgasms (admittedly, this takes some time to learn), you get into a stage in which you are constantly living on the edge of frustrated arousal that becomes not simply pleasant, but an almost over-whelming feeling of expectation and anticipation.

It’s 24 hours of feeling like you’re just about to unwrap a gift.

It’s the moment between seeing the rockets being lit, and seeing the huge fireworks explosion in the sky.

It’s being the in the roller coaster just three seconds before it hits the top and plummets down the track.

It’s being a child going to bed on Christmas eve.

The constant anticipation can be heady and dizzying and wonderful and very emotional, and all at the same time.
0 x

Shoe Slave88
Posts: 63
Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2015 10:46 pm

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by Shoe Slave88 »

The first time I brought it up to my fiance she did not take to it quickly. She was not sexually adventurous and she was very simple and vanilla in the bedroom. I on the other had live in a BDSM marriage for 10 years. We knew that we came from opposite ends of the spectrum and I expressed my personal desire for her to lock me up. If for no other reason she agreed to hold my key only because she knew it would make me happy. In the beginning I told her all the cliché benefits that she would have hoping that would entice her but she really just wanted my love and just wanted to love me. Then after a few weeks she noticed the emotional connection that being locked up cause me to have with her. I personally have intimacy issues. I can't become aroused unless I'm intimately comfortable and personally comfortable with the person I'm with. She realized that having this in-depth Exchange of power was a very deep emotional connection for me along with keeping me on edge 24/7 she started to see the benefits. She refused to look at me while I was wearing the cage for the first 3 weeks. It made her uncomfortable. It took her almost two months before she could touch it. She would hold my key and keep me locked up but there was not much discussion or interaction involving it. About six months in we got to the point where she would start teasing me and locking me back up. She enjoyed watching me squirm. The funny part is what finally got her hooked hardcore was the first time she gave me a ruined orgasm LOL she said it was the funniest and most powerful experience she had in the bedroom. So I guess for her the biggest thing was just time. Being locked up allowed me to focus all of my emotional and sexual Consciousness on her and resolve my intimacy issues and over a long period of time the gradual progression of interaction along with her growing emotional connection combined with appreciation for a power exchange caused us to be where we are today. She currently locks me up and gives me release once a month. My last release was 8 days ago and I have been locked up for 7 days. She teases me pretty much daily . Teasing is the most enjoyable part for her I think. We have been on this schedule for approximately 8 months now. Yesterday she kept me locked up during a tease session and after I gave her an orgasm she told me that she thinks it's time to up the game. This current lockup will be the first time she's going to deny my orgasm for 3 months. She said she's been planning this for a while. This current one will be 3 months and then she will let me release and then the next day she is going to lock me back up and that one will be 6 months. She timed it so that the end of the 6 month lock up will be our 2 year anniversary. She mentioned the idea of getting to her final plan of one release a year on our anniversary at that point and from then on I will only release once a year on our anniversary. The fact that she planned that out for those time Increases almost a year in advance makes me believe that I have finally found someone who appreciates and cares about this as much as I do. It is definitely an extremely sexual thing for us but honestly the emotional connection is ten times more powerful then the sexual connection. And I guess the biggest Factor was time. In the beginning keep it simple and don't be pushy and give her as much time as she needs. And make sure that any time you ever talk about it or interact with it that it's all about her so that she feels like it's not about you.
0 x

User avatar
Bird in a Cage
Posts: 217
Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2016 4:38 pm
Location: Northern Rocky Mountains (US)

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by Bird in a Cage »

Tom Allen wrote:https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/ ... in-a-cage/
As someone in a relationship in which the both of us enjoy the power exchange of Orgasm Control, I can tell you that once you get past the point of thinking that you are missing out on your orgasms (admittedly, this takes some time to learn), you get into a stage in which you are constantly living on the edge of frustrated arousal that becomes not simply pleasant, but an almost over-whelming feeling of expectation and anticipation.

It’s 24 hours of feeling like you’re just about to unwrap a gift.

It’s the moment between seeing the rockets being lit, and seeing the huge fireworks explosion in the sky.

It’s being the in the roller coaster just three seconds before it hits the top and plummets down the track.

It’s being a child going to bed on Christmas eve.

The constant anticipation can be heady and dizzying and wonderful and very emotional, and all at the same time.

Great analogies. I thought I had read every "vanillaedge" blog post, but I must have missed some.
0 x

User avatar
sirmebane
Posts: 468
Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:48 pm

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by sirmebane »

Tom Allen wrote:https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/ ... in-a-cage/
As someone in a relationship in which the both of us enjoy the power exchange of Orgasm Control, I can tell you that once you get past the point of thinking that you are missing out on your orgasms (admittedly, this takes some time to learn), you get into a stage in which you are constantly living on the edge of frustrated arousal that becomes not simply pleasant, but an almost over-whelming feeling of expectation and anticipation.

It’s 24 hours of feeling like you’re just about to unwrap a gift.

It’s the moment between seeing the rockets being lit, and seeing the huge fireworks explosion in the sky.

It’s being the in the roller coaster just three seconds before it hits the top and plummets down the track.

It’s being a child going to bed on Christmas eve.

The constant anticipation can be heady and dizzying and wonderful and very emotional, and all at the same time.
Thanks Tom! I shared this and another of your articles that was a revelation from Pooh Bear with her. She didn't give me any detailed feedback but at least I know she read them.

She is smiling a lot more right now but I cannot tell if it is a WTF?! smile or a you amuse me with your boyish charm smile. I'm hoping all of this is working on her for the good.
0 x
If my comments don't annoy you, follow my exploits here. I started all of this April 2016.
viewtopic.php?f=15&t=62123

User avatar
Locked by LRC
Posts: 1034
Joined: Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:45 am
Location: Midwest, USA

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by Locked by LRC »

Shoe Slave88; I'm interested in what you have to say. My problem is trying to read what you are saying in an even flow. Try to place a break when you are starting a new thought. We're not wordsmiths here, we just want to be able to read it easily. I took your post and just added breaks, see if this reads better to you.
Shoe Slave88 wrote:The first time I brought it up to my fiance she did not take to it quickly. She was not sexually adventurous and she was very simple and vanilla in the bedroom. I on the other had live in a BDSM marriage for 10 years.

We knew that we came from opposite ends of the spectrum and I expressed my personal desire for her to lock me up. If for no other reason she agreed to hold my key only because she knew it would make me happy.

In the beginning I told her all the cliché benefits that she would have hoping that would entice her but she really just wanted my love and just wanted to love me. Then after a few weeks she noticed the emotional connection that being locked up cause me to have with her.

I personally have intimacy issues. I can't become aroused unless I'm intimately comfortable and personally comfortable with the person I'm with. She realized that having this in-depth Exchange of power was a very deep emotional connection for me along with keeping me on edge 24/7 she started to see the benefits.
She refused to look at me while I was wearing the cage for the first 3 weeks. It made her uncomfortable. It took her almost two months before she could touch it. She would hold my key and keep me locked up but there was not much discussion or interaction involving it.

About six months in we got to the point where she would start teasing me and locking me back up. She enjoyed watching me squirm. The funny part is what finally got her hooked hardcore was the first time she gave me a ruined orgasm LOL she said it was the funniest and most powerful experience she had in the bedroom.

So I guess for her the biggest thing was just time. Being locked up allowed me to focus all of my emotional and sexual Consciousness on her and resolve my intimacy issues and over a long period of time the gradual progression of interaction along with her growing emotional connection combined with appreciation for a power exchange caused us to be where we are today.

She currently locks me up and gives me release once a month. My last release was 8 days ago and I have been locked up for 7 days. She teases me pretty much daily . Teasing is the most enjoyable part for her I think. We have been on this schedule for approximately 8 months now.

Yesterday she kept me locked up during a tease session and after I gave her an orgasm she told me that she thinks it's time to up the game. This current lockup will be the first time she's going to deny my orgasm for 3 months. She said she's been planning this for a while. This current one will be 3 months and then she will let me release and then the next day she is going to lock me back up and that one will be 6 months.

She timed it so that the end of the 6 month lock up will be our 2 year anniversary. She mentioned the idea of getting to her final plan of one release a year on our anniversary at that point and from then on I will only release once a year on our anniversary. The fact that she planned that out for those time Increases almost a year in advance makes me believe that I have finally found someone who appreciates and cares about this as much as I do. It is definitely an extremely sexual thing for us but honestly the emotional connection is ten times more powerful then the sexual connection. And I guess the biggest Factor was time.

In the beginning keep it simple and don't be pushy and give her as much time as she needs. And make sure that any time you ever talk about it or interact with it that it's all about her so that she feels like it's not about you.
0 x
Current device - MM Custom
Previous devices - CB2000, 3000, 6000, 6000s, Curve

User avatar
locked4her55
Posts: 2115
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2012 10:23 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Last orgasm: January 27th, 2020
Orgasms this year: 4
Gender:

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by locked4her55 »

Locked by LRC wrote:Shoe Slave88; I'm interested in what you have to say. My problem is trying to read what you are saying in an even flow.
+1

Because of this very reason I just skip over reading the post since it's just too difficult to read. :(

Everyone needs to "take a break" now and then. ;)
0 x
Happily secured since 4/2010 :-)
Have worn CB3000, CB6000s, MM Jail Bird & Watchful Mistress,
DHgate A271 & 273, DHgate Full Stainless Steel Belt & DHgate HT nub
Currently wearing DHgate A273

WifeIsVanilla
Posts: 380
Joined: Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:36 pm
Location: Central NC

Re: Why do you want this?

Post by WifeIsVanilla »

35 years ago, I took a course called business writing. The main takeaway from the course was SHORT PARAGRAPHS!!! Break paragraphs up whenever there is the slightest reason to.
0 x
Have worn: Curve & CB 6000s
Now mostly wearing my Mature Metal Jail Bird, occasionally alternating with my Mature Metal Watchful Mistress and Holy Trainer v3.

Post Reply