Where to go from here

[newbie]

I'm not sure how many people have read my Journey entries, but in a nut shell I have been able to get to a point in my relationship with my wife where she has come to understand my desire to be chaste and the benefits she receives because of it. She really enjoys her many orgasms without having to do anything in return, and the number of times we are intimate has really increased.

I'm not currently only locked at night and really don't have any desire to apparent need to change that, and my wife has expressed in the past that she has no desire to hold the keys to my device so I am self-locked.

I have a couple of questions for the forum...

First....while I'm very happy where we are right now, I'm starting to wonder what the next step in our journey together might be and would appreciate some advice on that. How do we take this to the next level?I don't need anything extreme as she is still fairly vanilla and it has taken a long long time to get to this point.

Secondly...while she really enjoys being on the receiving end of things in bed, I still get the idea that she would like to be able to do something for me in return. I'm generally locked and she hasn't expressed a need to have me free, so I would like to remain locked. She has played with my balls a little, but has come out and asked me "what am I supposed to do with this,,,it's closed for business?" and I really didn't have a good answer for her. Any advise with that?

Thanks in advance.

[Shepherdsflock]

It sounds like you really need to have a Frank discussion with her and try to draw out of her what she would like. Sex might be kind of boring for her if she doesn't feel like she's doing anything for you. Just like you enjoy giving her pleasure, she probably enjoys giving you pleasure.

I know that my wife acted a little bored with it after a couple of weeks at first. What made a difference for us was that around the one month mark or so without any erections or orgasms, my response to her touch was very intense. If she touches me in the right places, I can't help but moan and writhe around. She really enjoys that a lot. But, if I'm having orgasms on any kind of a regular basis, it just doesn't happen. It's one of the contributing factors in our decision to make my chastity permanent. It just seems a little too one sided to her when she's getting all the pleasure and feels like she can't give me pleasure.

You'll just have to figure out what she really wants. If your pleasure is a concern for her, you either have to sacrifice your chastity play once in a while to let her give you whatever she wants, or you have to find something about chastity that let's her have that feeling like she's really pleasing you.

[newbie]

Thank you so much for your advise, it is really appreciated.

I can relate to your experience of moaning and writhing to her touch, that happened a while ago when we were just starting out experimenting with me being locked during sex. I was so incredibly turned on by it all that I was rubbing my cage on her and really getting into it. It was when we were done (she had an orgasm of course) that she asked me basically why I would want to do this to myself being turned on like that and her not being able to do anything about it. I responded that the intense arousal was better for me than being able to have an orgasm and then experiencing the let-down afterward. I actually believe that it was at that point that the "light bulb" went off for her and she started to understand where I was coming from. She hasn't brought it up again, and has been completely enjoying herself ever since, but I have toned down my writhing and moaning though. Maybe I should not restrict my arousal in the future.

I do think she would like to participate in a physical way to my pleasure though.

[newbie]

Does anyone else out there have any suggestions?

[Forherdesire]

I am going to second the frank and honest conversation with your wife. I wouldn't interject any of your opinions until you hear her fully. Find out exactly how she feels about everything, what her thoughts about her involvement and where she wants to go with it. I know you are doing this all for her and you want her to be happy.

When you hear everything she has to say, then you can start figuring out how the both of you can move forward down the road, where both of you start getting what both of you want. It maybe slower then you want but remember this is a journey not the destination.

[Shepherdsflock]

Yeah, you just have to figure out what trips her trigger. It was hard for me because my wife has a hard time talking about it. If I ask her directly what she likes and what feels good, she just blush and say "I don't know".

My reaction to her touch is a big improvement for her, though. Before chastity, my orgasms were pretty much a non-event. She usually couldn't even tell when I had one. I didn't moan or anything. The only way she knew I had one was I would start going limp and slipping out of her. Now that I moan and shake and squirm with pleasure when she touches me, she likes that a lot better. It gives her much better feedback about how she is pleasing me. And that helps her get turned on and frisky.

[TwistedMister]

She has played with my balls a little, but has come out and asked me "what am I supposed to do with this,,,it's closed for business?" and I really didn't have a good answer for her. Any advise with that?

Possible Answer- something along the lines of "It can be open, if you decide you *want* to open it."

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Your big issue here, is getting her [mind] more actively involved, getting her to see it as a fun 'game' she can play with you. She needs to know how much it arouses you to pleasure her, without knowing if or when you will receive any pleasure in return, or *knowing* that you won't receive any 'immediately' (that it will be deferred until such time as she chooses to give it).

while she really enjoys being on the receiving end of things in bed, I still get the idea that she would like to be able to do something for me in return.

What she can do 'in return', is to 'tease' you by making you wait until she decides to 'give you something', making you wait more often than giving it.

She needs to have that little lightbulb click 'on' in her head, to realize that she is turning you on by teasing you with her ability to decide whether or not to 'give' you any physical pleasure.

Many/most people enjoy giving gifts/pleasant surprises to their partners. It gives them a sense of joy/pleasure to do so, and a sense of happy anticipation leading up to the time when the surprise is revealed and the partner is pleased. Think about the whole aspect of giving gifts at Xmas- the search for the gifts that will please one's partner, the anticipation of the partner's pleasure at receiving the gift (when it is revealed), the wrapping of the gifts so that they are hidden and the contents of the package unknown until the time comes for it to be unwrapped.

Generally speaking, one partner derives a sense of pleasure and happiness from making the other partner happy. The giver of a gift gets something in return. Do you not get a sense of pleasure and happiness from pleasuring her sexually and making her happy? It is the same for her, but, she has yet to realize that she can increase the pleasure (for both of you), heighten the anticipation for you and for her by delaying/extending the amount of time that passes before she gives you the 'gift' of pleasure in return.

The principle here is basically the same, but she needs to convert, in her mind, the idea of the 'gift' she is giving- she needs to realize that by not giving you immediate physical pleasure she is still giving you a 'gift' that you enjoy and appreciate, and which will be multiplied and even greater when she [eventually] *does* [decide to] give you the 'gift' of physical pleasure.

There are, of course, more nuances involved here and I could probably write several chapters in a Psych book trying to cover everything so I'll stop here.

Your problem, is communicating the idea of how you derive pleasure from being denied [immediate] pleasure, in such a way that she can get her mind wrapped around the sense that she is 'giving' by *not* giving. She needs to know how much she is turning you on by withholding/controlling your physical pleasure and gratification. She probably enjoys turning you on and *wants* to turn you on, but has not yet made the leap to the realization that turning you on does not necessarily need to involve immediate physical stimulation/pleasure/orgasm. She needs to realize that it can be fun and enjoyable to tease you and withhold/delay your pleasure/gratification, and that you will/would find it fun and enjoyable too.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to best go about that with her. That is something that you will need to figure out for yourself. You could, perhaps, start by making sure to let her know how much it turns you on to pleasure her and give her orgasms...without mentioning the fact that you are locked and not getting an orgasm in return- that is already completely obvious and does not need to be stated. All you want her to understand (at the moment) is that it gives you pleasure to give her pleasure.

At some other time, when she is actually giving you physical stimulation, you could direct her, instruct her to slow down, teasing you and delaying your orgasm, with the explanation that the delay and anticipation will make the [eventual] orgasm that much more pleasurable. At some point (hopefully) she will make the connection that delaying/denying immediate pleasure can result in greater pleasure later, and that can include her ability to control it by having control of your cock by means of the device...and that that would mean her having the keys...but you have a ways to go to get to that point.

It is also possible that, at some point, as she begins to make the connections in her mind she will become curious and ask questions that could lead to a more in-depth and frank discussion of how this type of play can be enjoyable for both of you.

[Shepherdsflock]

Please don't take my comments as instructions. Just because my wife gets off on how I react to her touch, doesn't mean your wife will. And there's no guarantee that she'll even be able to tell you what she wants or likes. My wife can't tell me. If she can't open up about her sexual triggers, you'll just have to do what I did and study her carefully to see what she responds to.

When it comes to sex, my wife seems either unaware of what gets her going, or feels embarrassed talking about it. I suspect many women are like that.

[nebman]

I've read most of your "Journey" and found the recent posts about your wife being more interested in sex and her personal pleasure since you've been locked in her presence at night. I've had a similar week myself.

We had a long dry spell, beginning early in February. My wife's travel and a long bad cold that turned into a sinus infection was part of the problem. But, we were definitely out of the swing of things even after she got better.

Out of the blue, I started wearing my device almost 24/7 starting a week ago. Honestly, it was selfishly to entertain myself as much as anything. Despite the impression that I think she'd rather I not, she has been responsive every night that she's been home this week. She's very wet by the time I touch her down there and orgasms easily - something I could not seem to manage for her most of this year. She too isn't quite sure what to do with my locked cock, but for some reason she's in the best place she's been as far as sex since late last year.

I too am not sure where we are going from here, but I know my mood is a lot better since she's been so much more responsive to my touch - despite the oddity of my cock being locked in a metal cage.

Considering where my wife and I are, I'm probably not a source of much advice. But, my plan is to let this roll along a bit and let her, with a little luck, show me the way.

[nebman]

When it comes to sex, my wife seems either unaware of what gets her going, or feels embarrassed talking about it. I suspect many women are like that.

My wife is quite like that. Sometimes the most frustrating thing for me is that she was a lot more open about the topic when we were younger. We are about 50 now and I don't consider myself old, and we generally enjoy good health. That makes it hard for me to understand. Once in a great while, she can really surprise me with a comment or action, but things can get back to vanilla and infrequent for a long period of time.