How important is PIV sex (to you)?

[fuzzydunlop]

I know the answer to this will be different for everyone. I suppose most folks dabbling in MC are having less PIV sex, but we weren't having very much sex at all before we started the latest round of MC. Now, we are having relatively frequent non-PIV sex. I have had only two orgasms this year, and no PIV in six weeks, but my dear wife is much more receptive to me and open to other forms of sex.

I liked Thumper's blog entry on 1/18/11 about the "game" of denial. I always get mixed feelings of excitement when I know my wife thinks it is finally time for entry. It is like being at the top of the roller coaster, but also knowing the ride will soon end. I want to add to the game that if I have to ask, the answer is not going to be "yes".

Everyone's tastes are different (and they probably change over the course of a long relationship), but do the women view having less PIV as a sacrifice? Is the man viewed as less assertive or aggressive, when that is sometimes desired? I think there might come a time when my wife would want me to be more aggressive, but she likes things right now. She also likes that I am more assertive and giving about things.

Also, there seems to be a pretty good range---some couples might avoid PIV almost completely, while others think this is the only way the male should climax, albeit with some rarity, making it more special. I think it the range of practices is interesting. How do couples negotiate when there is a difference in preference?

[jnuts]

My keyholder prefers it over anything else. We are having it a lot less frequently since MC however. My first big orgasm after a period of denial is usually this way followed by another orgasm or two over the next couple days...usually by masturbation.

I have realized through MC how low Belle's sex drive really is and I'm slowly comibg to terms with it. She does her best to keep me satisfied and that is much appreciated!

[prthomas]

It is the only way my wife and I have sex anymore. I am not allowed to masturbate, nor will she masturbate me to full orgasm. Only enough to get me to the edge a couple of times before locking me up again. SO, to answer the question, it's pretty darn important to us.

[davidphd1866]

My case is opposite. Since beginning our chastity journey my wife has become almost entirely uninterested in intercourse.

I don't know why this is the case. When we talk about sex, I always ask in terms of "what do you like best?" and "what are your top three ways to have sex". Intercourse never makes the list.

My own speculation is that she never preferred intercourse and now our chastity play gives her true freedom and a lack of guilt regarding what she likes in bed. I also believe for some couples--by NO means ALL couples--that a wife views a chaste cock as somehow not appropriate for intercourse, thus it loses some of its appeal as an instrument of PIV sex.

David

[fuzzydunlop]

Thanks for all of the replies. It is interesting to see the range of things that work for different couples.

Right now, we are somewhere in the middle. Child rearing and some other issues have dampened her drice and I think that MC has freed her of the guilt of openly using the vibrator with me. Which makes me feel closer. But when we have extra time together (which is rare), she like to finish with PIV.

[Tom Allen]

Never thought about it in those terms, but here's an interesting perspective: When I'm unlocked, we enjoy it. Mrs. Edge prefers it over anything else, so that's what we do.

However, when I'm locked, then she likes to *keep* me locked. Even though she realizes that all she needs to do is unlock it, then re-lock it, she rarely does; for some reason, once it's in the cage she likes to push the envelope.

That said, we make do very well with the Boitoi strapon, and with the exception that we can't manage a couple of positions, she enjoys it very much. Again, she knows that at any time she could unlock me and have the "real thing", but once it's on, it tends to stay on for weeks or months at a time. More than once, the only thing that necessitated it coming off was a cuff ring breaking.

Interestingly, we don't have any more or less sex than we would have normally; it's slightly more at first (because we're all charged up), but it does taper off to "normal" levels after time. But here's the weird thing: as long as we're *having* sex - even strapon sex - I'm satisfied. So, in that respect, yes, PIV *is* important to both of us, no matter whose P it happens to be.

[Celtic Queen]

Good question.

Unless you are a man who can avoid orgasming when finally allowed to enter your wife after a period of denial then your chastity is HER chastity in terms of penetrative sex. I find that I go through phases of conflict here. I feel the loss of intimacy but enjoy the benefits of chastity so have to make a choice not being a fan of strap ons - for me anyway.


One entirely tangental point - I read somewhere that there is a view that it is the exchange of fluids involved in penetrative sex that drives the maintenance of high oxytocin levels - the "cuddle / bonding" hormone between couples. Just a thought .............

[Dev]

I am a woman who doesn't orgasm with intercourse. It took me a long time to realize this but once I did, I think I became slightly less interested in intercourse -- but I couldn't 'fess up to that for a very long time, either. I think women are socialized to believe that intercourse is the raison d'etre and to actually allow ourselves to think that maybe we really don't enjoy it that much, for whatever reason, is akin to treason -- at least in the bedroom.

It's been an interesting journey for Ab and me over the past few years. His mild ED and refractory period (which I have blogged about) and his way of coping -- telling me "Your pleasure is my pleasure" and insisting that intercourse was that important --- this was happening for quite a while before chastity (2 years, maybe?). But it took becoming chaste for me to realize he meant what he was saying and it was true.

We had a traditional fuck as part of Ab's birthday release. He enjoyed it and came; I certainly enjoyed it, too, but it wasn't wildly arousing. In fact, it felt a lot like sex in the old days. He's locked up again and I am not expecting Little Ab to be getting inside me for awhile and that's fine. Big Ab has become much more adept with his tongue, which I love; we have a gang of dildoes to play with if I need to feel penetrated; and, last but not least, we've been engaging in a whole lot more ass play than before, which we both really enjoy.

D

[cb6000s]

When I was 20 PIV was very important. Now, not so much. All penetrative sex is different but it is all good. If KH said no more PIV but PIM or PIH is still a possibility then I could live with that. No penetrative sex at all would be a problem but that hasn't even come up as an issue.

[Dev]

Okay, it took me 5 minutes this morning to figure out that PIV is penetration in vagina.

Help me out with PIM and PIH?

Then there are those who would say that PIA is a PIA. LOL.

D