Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Living the real life under lock and key
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gilesenglish
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by gilesenglish »

I managed 150 days of chastity (as in no orgasm), at which point I pretty much could have gone on indefinitely. There's a point at which the brain seems to get rewired and your lust derails into giving pleasure.

Currently we have a system where her orgasms defer mine, so when our erotic relationship is at its hottest, my orgasms are most delayed, but when we're having a dry spell I get one come a week.

Here's our contract:http://becomeherslave.blogspot.co.uk/20 ... tract.html
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VinnyDee
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by VinnyDee »

I think that permanent chastity is the Holy Grail for people into chastity play. We tried it too but what we found was that when I had no hope of an orgasm, I stopped behaving like I used to when I knew that an orgasm was ahead and I better be good or else risk being denied longer. As soon as she had convinced me that she would not let me have an orgasm again, I got moody and did not want to engage in anything that would make me horny. If she insisted on edging me, I just never got erect any more. I lost interest in sex and when that happens, chastity is kind of pointless. I half hearted performed oral sex on her and my massages were no longer erotic or enjoyable for her.

It also depends on how you define chastity. To some it is simply being locked up 24/7. To others, like me, it is orgasm denial with or without a device. I can wear my Jailbird every day with no problem. Been doing that for almost 3 years. It is very comfortable and I actually miss it when I am not wearing it.
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TwistedMister
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by TwistedMister »

VinnyDee wrote:I think that permanent chastity is the Holy Grail for people into chastity play. We tried it too but what we found was that when I had no hope of an orgasm, I stopped behaving like I used to when I knew that an orgasm was ahead and I better be good or else risk being denied longer. As soon as she had convinced me that she would not let me have an orgasm again, I got moody and did not want to engage in anything that would make me horny. If she insisted on edging me, I just never got erect any more. I lost interest in sex and when that happens, chastity is kind of pointless. I half hearted performed oral sex on her and my massages were no longer erotic or enjoyable for her.

It also depends on how you define chastity. To some it is simply being locked up 24/7. To others, like me, it is orgasm denial with or without a device. I can wear my Jailbird every day with no problem. Been doing that for almost 3 years. It is very comfortable and I actually miss it when I am not wearing it.
I have often commented on this issue, particularly as it relates to me. Permanent orgasm denial would remove motivation, if the availability to be rewarded is removed then there is no point in conforming. While there may be *some* who want permanent orgasm denial (or think they do), I don't think it would work for most.

But, 'permanent chastity' does not have to mean 'no orgasms', just 'permanent' control (as defined by the people involved, for as long as they want it to be that way). There has to be a balance between denial and reward in order to keep the motivation high. I'm a firm believer in the 'carrot and stick method', but the carrot has to be available and given periodically, if all you give is the stick then motivation declines because there is no point and nothing to be gained from doing better.

"The beatings will continue until morale improves" is not an effective management strategy at home or at work. Dissatisfaction and rebellion will occur at some point.
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peter_rabbit
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by peter_rabbit »

I agree. I have no interest in permanent orgasm denial. However I have been under 100% orgasm and masturbation control for a year and a half, and I can't envision ever going back. If I make it to one thousand days, I want to request to make a vow of permanence.

Removing my orgasms from my wife's menu selection denies her in a way.
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Tom Allen
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by Tom Allen »

To add to the discussion, at some point some years ago, I realized that because I never knew when I would be allowed to orgasm, there was no reason for me to see it as a "reward vs punishment" situation. Now, note that I'm a good husband, no vices, and that my worst failings are usually forgetting to put a dirty glass into the dishwasher once in a while. The "chastity as punishment" scenario didn't work for Mrs Edge, either.

What did work for her, though, was the constant teasing, even while locked up. It was much more of a fun game (although a very long running game), with no real DS overtones.
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Caged55

Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by Caged55 »

Permanent chastity does NOT equal permanent orgasm denial. I am in "permanent" as it gets - chastity 24/7 unless allowed out to the doctor or when I do particular physical work...

I love being in chastity for HER, she wants me in chastity and constantly comments on how this is the right way, how she enjoys my much improved behavior etc...

As for orgasm denial, she wanted to explore keeping 2016 orgasm-free, and so far despite being incredibly horny for her... It's working. I even believe it's having a positive effect on my testosterone levels (I had a growth on my pituitary gland which resulted in me having to inject DepoT every 2 weeks), and I now find I can reduce the dose and extend the period from 2-3 weeks - wether this is as a result of orgasm denial, I don't know yet - BUT whatever is going on, and I'll do some research on it, it's working!!!

Permanent chastity, increased "lustiness" increasing my dopamine levels versus fighting the prolactin flood post-orgasm, seems to have a positive effect, both on my behavior and medically.... At this stage my wife/KH is very keen on seeing how orgasm denial AND enforced chastity is doing... So far so good, and no complaints... :P (but then I am only on day 34 of my year of enforced orgasm denial.... And yes it is realistic for us to make it work so far...
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locked4her55
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by locked4her55 »

TwistedMister wrote:Permanent orgasm denial would remove motivation, if the availability to be rewarded is removed then there is no point in conforming. While there may be *some* who want permanent orgasm denial (or think they do), I don't think it would work for most.
Wouldn't work in our relationship either. I need to "get the carrot" once and awhile and my wife says she enjoys feeling me ejaculate inside her every so often.
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Joroincharge
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by Joroincharge »

jackhf wrote:After nearly a year of experimentation with wearing a device, my wife and I are discussing a more permanent, consistent arrangement. We both agree that our marriage has been greatly enriched, in and out of the bedroom, since I asked her to be my key holder. And while I don't wear the device all of the time, I am expected to stay chaste (i.e., not indulge in acts of self-gratification).

My wife has recently taken a "course" in FLR, the moderator of which believes that the male orgasm is a selfish, pointless act, one which should be consistently denied. My wife loves how I act when I am denied (I couldn't be a better, more attentive husband when I haven't had release in a few weeks), and hates how moody and selfish I become, post-release.

So, other than an infrequent ruined orgasm, and nocturnal emissions, my wife is leaning toward permanent denial. I wonder if anyone else here has experience with this--is it realistic to live one's life this way, or will I become a basket case in short order? Any advice or shared experiences are welcome.
It CAN be realistic if (a) it's what she really wants and (b) you have the right device and structure/relationship for it.
'
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pokekey
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by pokekey »

I think of "permanent chastity" as me permanently having no control over my sexual experience. I get what my partner gives me when she chooses. Since that is how my sexuality work already and M is enjoying this it seems likely to become permanent. Well, excepting two things. Nothing is permanent and only last until there are causes for change. I don't see those now but who knows.

The other is that we like playing with chastity enforced by a device. Others use promise and I can be good by promise 95% of the time but I like being actually unable due to the device. There are events where I should remove the device, such as for travel. If I were to travel away from her I would probably be unlocked and thus on "holiday". There are a few other reasons that we might take a holiday.

Right now that seems OK. Chastity must remain fun and practical. But it also seems possible that over time we'll work out ways to keep me locked all the time. Other people report doing it. Better and better devices are being invented. Could be. An Evotion Wearable with security take would be all plastic - I don't think there is a reason that would have to come of for an MRI, to cite one commonly given reason for taking devices off.

P
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Linus
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Re: Wife wants me in Permanent Chastity--is this realistic?

Post by Linus »

In my case it is very much a reality
My wife has put me in permanent chastity since November 2014
Fortunately I can thoroughly clean my cage without removing, so hygiene is not an issue
She immensely enjoys taking oral sex from me, so she is not deprived from sex
And I enjoy equally in giving it to her
Life is great for both of us!
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Stay chaste. Make your wife & life happy. Forever.
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