Starting again, need advice please

[jlocked]

My wife/KH of 24 years and i started chastity the first time about last Halloween and it was fantastic. I got her to read some of the more reputable sites and we started with a couple/three days on then off with play, back on in the morning, etc.

It was wonderful for what we knew of it. The longest she pushed me was 6 days with a mid way cleaning. We unfortunately stopped playing after about a month due to stress, family issues, etc. She suffers from depression and just couldn't get engaged. I respected her wishes.

We started again, at my encouraging, on National Chastity Day and she kept me locked for 7 1/2 days before she determined she needed to use it. During those 7 days I found several well written FLR female viewpoint articles I shared with her.

Her issues as she has related to me...She is willing to play along but not into any kinks. Which is fine. She is wanting the more attention, more connection, more affection. I understand and try to deliver.

My issues some expressed some not are....I need more structure and participation from her. When she locks it I inquire about a my term, her responses now are 7 to 10 days, we'll see. I desire a more specific date and then of course it is her right to extend, shorten, anything she sees fit.
I haven't really completely seen what it can do for me yet as my longest was just shy of 8 full days and I felt quite different, but I was still going through chemical and psychological changes.

While I'm locked I crave more participation from her, more teasing, denial, just a comment, touch, punishment, anything to acknowledge she is thinking about it more often. Anything more active or verbal.
Her explanation is again the depression and trying to find her grove. Again I can accept. But still want.

After the 7/12 days, we had full intercourse and it was magical. She left me out the next 2 days, Saturday and Sunday. By Sunday morning I was already wishing I was back in.

Monday morning before leaving she reminded me it was time to get back in, I inquired on a term and was told only 7 to 10 days again, she left without enforcement or even another thought or mention. I faithfully went to the bathroom and complied. However i was immediately frustrated again at her lack of involvement or engagement you may call it.

If I try to hard to discuss it with her she gets annoyed or frustrated. she has made comments such as "IF you're going to go right back to the way things were every time I take it off then I don't want to play". "I don't want this to be a permanent thing".
I can understand the not permanent but I was of the impression, as she has acknowledged, I'm better when in the device, I have a way to go to be the man she wants, She needs to be more of a participant to help train me, more communicative of my rights and wrongs, so I can develop the ideal traits and continue them when not controlled by the device. Instead, it seems, she expects perfection without trial and error or greater involvement.

I also hope this lifestyle will help her develop more self worth and her dominant side to help her better fight her depression. She can be outright fierce and stubborn during a disagreement, she self proclaims herself a bitch, but outside an argument or disagreement she is far to passive, quiet, reserved, only to throw it against someone later in a disagreement. I've seen hints of who she can be, her playful sides, her confident sides, I need to bring those out more often.

Am I missing something? Not understanding something? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[TitaniumChastiTi]

Well looking from afar your post "appears" imho more to be about what you want from the lifestyle, for most handing over the keys, (married 26 years this April) its about handing that control to some one else, its a difficult rocky road to start with, rushing things/her will only lead to disaster, allow her to develop at her own speed rather than the one you want and in time it will click.

[Locked by LRC]

I would say you need to let her establish what is comfortable for her. If she's saying it will be 7-10 days, then accept that she's at least giving you a window. Your prior games showed her that you could be caged for six days. She pushed you to over seven recently. Maybe she's slyer than you think by pushing you longer. Maybe she enjoys having you go the longer times and just doesn't want, or is afraid, to tell you.

To me, she's showing that she's engaged with your desire to be locked. Looking at it another way, she could be saying "I'll let you know" or not wanting to participate at all. I would suggest patience and not press the time duration. Frustration, aka horny/the unknown, to me is one of the enjoyments of being locked.

As with any other thing in life if you pester someone about something they'll often become even more adverse to doing it. This is something you asked her to do for you. You shouldn't expect it to be 100% on your terms. Allow her time to find what she wants and enjoys from this. You may find something from chastity, and her, that you didn't expect and enjoy.

[Jasmic68]

I agree with Ti, and I hate to say it but you are making the same mistake I did when I started. I was more interested in what I was expecting to happen to me than what I could do for my Wife. This isn't about structure that pleases you, it is about letting her discover for herself what she enjoys doing. If it becomes a chore then she will not be interested.

It took me a few months to get my head around the fact that the more I relaxed, the more my Wife relaxed. The more my Wife relaxed the more she let me do to please her. The more she let me please her the more pleased she became with me. The more pleased with me the more attention I got.