Need advice on how to encourage my KH with ordering me aroun

[Aarkey]

I'm really trying to let my KH know how badly I want her to order me around. She is afraid of being mean to me...

I haven't read all the replies here, though there has been a lot of wisdom and experience, and warnings, shared on this topic here over the years... so I definitely suggest you read through it all. As you mention where you're already at, I'm assuming you have talked to her a bit about it all already, and while you want more, she is "afraid to be mean" at this point.

Well my hard learned suggestions:
1) Understand your fantasies might not be her fantasies
2) Be patient and loving
3) Communicate clearly and honestly and thoughtfully with her about your interests, while working especially to hear her interests
4) Be patient and loving
5) Start doing things that you think she might appreciate without being instructed
6) Be patient and loving
7) Communicate about how you're enjoying doing those things. And try to explain that for you, her instructions or directions for you isn't "mean" but is thoughtful, encouraging, loving.
8) Be patient and loving
9) Encourage her to reach out to others, wherever she is comfortable. Some women like meeting others like minded people online in anonymous places, others prefer face to face groups with things like ClubFEM or munches, and others like books or websites about the topics. Do not pressure, but simply put the possibilities before her.
10) Be patient and loving

Hope that helps...

[Tom Allen]

It's almost like there's something you're trying to stress, but I can't quite figure out what it is...

[attentive_husband]

My wife & I check in with each other every morning. We've done that whenever we're working on the relationship so it was a natural to do so when we started this.

For the first couple of weeks I just kept reassuring her the whole idea was ok. But then as she started teasing me I would tell her at the morning check in that what she did prior to then was wonderful. I think the daily assurance helped a lot. She doesn't understand it, but she's good with it now.

On follow-up for what I said - we have no interest in a FLR or my being submissive. So everything for us was around the direct impact of the chastity and my wife becoming comfortable with teasing me. With that said, she has told me I've become a lot more attentive & considerate. And she loves that. But it's subconscious on my part and I have absolutely no desire to be told to vacuum or do other stuff like that.

But what worked for us on the teasing part could well work for you on anything you want to change. I think it's gigantic to have a time during the day when there's no pressure for anything to happen immediately after the discussion to check in with each other.

[Lockedwithlove]

I'm really trying to let my KH know how badly I want her to order me around. She is afraid of being mean to me...

I haven't read all the replies here, though there has been a lot of wisdom and experience, and warnings, shared on this topic here over the years... so I definitely suggest you read through it all. As you mention where you're already at, I'm assuming you have talked to her a bit about it all already, and while you want more, she is "afraid to be mean" at this point.

Well my hard learned suggestions:
1) Understand your fantasies might not be her fantasies
2) Be patient and loving
3) Communicate clearly and honestly and thoughtfully with her about your interests, while working especially to hear her interests
4) Be patient and loving
5) Start doing things that you think she might appreciate without being instructed
6) Be patient and loving
7) Communicate about how you're enjoying doing those things. And try to explain that for you, her instructions or directions for you isn't "mean" but is thoughtful, encouraging, loving.
8) Be patient and loving
9) Encourage her to reach out to others, wherever she is comfortable. Some women like meeting others like minded people online in anonymous places, others prefer face to face groups with things like ClubFEM or munches, and others like books or websites about the topics. Do not pressure, but simply put the possibilities before her.
10) Be patient and loving

Hope that helps...

I have certainly learned a lot over these last 8 months in regards to my mistress's fantasies and mine and no they do not always align which has actually led me to creating this thread. My wife and I email each other, we find that we can take our time and really explain ourselves and then the questions would come after the email in regards to the content. we would sit down and discuss the email, me always a little red faced (embarrassed). This has been a good method for us. The biggest issue is me trying to push my fantasy on my KH, what I didn't realize was I was trying to come up with contracts and rules etc... I was topping from the bottom. Mistress even called me out on it which in all honesty I needed to hear, it gave me a little more perspective when I heard her say that. I have become a much more patient person since I've started chastity and a lot more caring and hard working for my loving mistress. Patience and love is the key, I absolutely agree with that. Some of my fantasies are a bit out there by your "normal" standards so I'm not surprised she hasn't dove right into some of things I suggest. My approach needs to change is what needs to happen. I read a great blog post by Tom Allen a while back when he wanted his KH to discipline him, long story short he understood that the punishment needed to be her idea in order for it to really work. so I imagine that's where the love and patience comes in, I just need to hold her hand and we can take baby steps together. This is really why I like all of you on this forum, some of you say the right things that are very encouraging. Thank you

[Aarkey]

have become a much more patient person since I've started chastity and a lot more caring and hard working for my loving mistress. Patience and love is the key, I absolutely agree with that. Some of my fantasies are a bit out there by your "normal" standards so I'm not surprised she hasn't dove right into some of things I suggest.

I wish you all the best with finding what you're seeking. I know that it can be a great challenge to have opened up about interests, and then be in that limbo where we still have that patience for wanting/waiting/hoping for things to happen. Having made time to communicate like you have, and discussing things is a huge and critical step. I hope you both find total fulfillment wherever the journey goes.

[Jasmic68]

My Wife and I are still new to this and are learning more about our relationship in the light of chastity week by week. She at first was uncomfortable ordering me to do things and she still gets enjoyment out of doing domestic chores such as ironing and tidying up. In fact the most trouble I have got into since we moved into this WLM is when I started doing some ironing that she was doing when she left the room. She really blew her top when she came back in! I certainly learned what being chastised felt like then!

Anyway, as time has gone on she has learned that I really do get pleasure out of doing things for her. So, as we listen to a lot of vinyl together she will now tell me the music has finished and I need to turn the record over. She will inform me that she is in need of a drink, or the room needs tidying up (usually because our dog has been chewing a stick or something.) She is never mean about giving me orders, she always says please and thank you, but every day she finds at least a few things for me to do for her.

All it took was time and as has been mentioned before just a gentle reminder that I could have done something for her. It also does not hurt to offer something occasionally. Can I get you a drink? Do you need anything? Just don't become a pest, if your KH is anything like my Wife she will hate that as well.

[locked4her55]

All it took was time and as has been mentioned before just a gentle reminder that I could have done something for her.

It does take time, almost a 're-education' of sort.

Before chastity my wife would ask me while we watched TV to put some lotion on her feet. I would pretty much balk at the request and come up with some reason why I wouldn't.

Since chastity and a quasi FLR my wife hands me the lotion and says, "it's time for you to put lotion on my feet". If I hesitate or make a face I am in trouble.

Now each morning I am required to kneel at the foot of the bed before she rises for the day to massage and kiss her feet and toes. She says it's my way to submit to her and she rather likes the way it starts her day. Heck, I think I'm developing a foot fetish.

It took us awhile to get to this place. Like a fine wine, it takes time to ferment.

[knighterrant]

All good advice in this thread.

It's not an easy road to navigate, asking for more dominant behaviors. In a way you really can't ask for it without topping from the bottom.

My KH didn't and doesn't want to be seen as bossy. It funny, because she always had an opinion, but before we went towards FLM it was very passive aggressive.

I think there are some things you can do that can help without interfering:

• Complement her when she is dominant, tell her it is a turn on and that you love her
  Make it easy for her. Create lists of things that need to be done around the house etc.
  If she thinks the dominant behavior make her "bitchy" etc. make sure she knows it turns you on and you like it and find it super attractive
  She may not want this in every context or situation, that needs to be okay. There may be times when she needs you to take the reigns, this can be tough and confusing
  Swallow the embarrassment. It can be tough to admit how much it turns you on and she may struggle to understand it because she wouldn't like it herself
  Point out how the direct dominant approach is efficient, she may waste a lot of energy trying to be nice...

[Lockedwithlove]

Well the good news is, is that I'm headed in the right direction. My KH has been very responsive to me with my extra niceties. I can now see how there will be a fine balance between trying to do everything for her and then not annoying the hell out of her. Luckily we've been together for so many years I can read her pretty well. I cut it out if it seems like I'm being over the top with wanting to be her servant, but so far I can tell she's seeing the benefits. She has started offering for me to do little things her and there over the last two days and I make sure I jump right on the tasks as soon as she asks and she especially like my responsiveness. I've always made our meals as I am the one with the culinary talent so this nothing new. However I am now serving her all of her meals to where she doesn't have to lift a finger, she just sits and waits for me. I then also clean up after her and clean our dishes. I went home on my lunch break today and Mrs. M was home studying, I'm usually on a time crunch so I have to be quick but she asked to make her lunch. She asked in that way that was really telling me that I was going to be making her lunch. I absolutely reveled in it, I didn't even care if I got to eat(I did get to eat). After talking to all of you and pulling back to looks to the big picture I do believe I'm headed down the right path. This really is a slow moving progression but I am seeing progress and I just need to realize that and be grateful for it. I really feel that chastity has really improved our relationship and my attitude and amiability in general.