Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

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Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by braddogg4345 »

Hello everyone, my wife and i are new to male chastity. She has agreed to lock me up and be my KH, which is awesome. I have been in chastity for about 3 weeks now, and i am ready to try stepping the S&M up a level. I read about all these men on the site who have their KH punish them when they have broken the rules by spanking, ball busting, etc. My wife is somewhat "vanilla" i guess you could say, and she would just call me a freak and tell me no if i try to bring up adding S&M as punishment.
I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on how to slowly ease my KH into administering punishments such as spanking, ball busting, or other forms of physical/mental punishment?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by The_Mariner »

Hi, braddogg. I'm new to chastity (wearing the CB6000 for, oh, about 4 weeks now) but have been active in BDSM for 26 years.

What you are asking could take up an entire forum just by itself.

I take paddling, caning, singletail whipping, CBT, quirts...you name it. I've been with various levels of domminant/sadistic women.The best advice I believe I can give you for easing your wife into ANY of this stuff - is DON'T. And I don't mean give up all hope for her ever wanting it. But the red flags I see are that she is blowing S/M off by calling you "freak" and flat out telling you no. (The same red flags I had in my first marriage). Since she has agreed to lock you up - I'd say stay right there for a bit. Your post doesn't indicate if the agreeing was enthusiastic or begrudging. But let her see a change in you for the good. Show her some extra love and affection, do more things for her (getting stuff around the house, making meals, and foot rubs are always winners) so that she attributes what she's done for you as the catalyst for this positive behavior. Later on, you might try asking her to do some lightly painful stuff during sex, like scratching your back with her nails, pinching your nipples, etc. I'd hold off on asking for paddlings and ball busting right away. One of the things that I found affects sadistic women more than pretty much anything else is REACTION. They crave the visualization and power derived from causing you to react to their "administrations" (whatever hey may be.) So, in that sense....hamming it up a bit never hurts. Figure out what your wife likes and gear your reactions that way. Does she like a whimpy sissyboy? Then whimper and whine and beg. If she's into the strong masculine type...grit your teeth, growl, groan,, look her in the eye and roughly tell her to give you more. Things like that. Take it slow and you may find that she will seek more and stronger reactions. Then you can introduce more and stronger painful activities. The biggest thing you have to be concerned about is not trying to force someone into a mold you make for them. Be prepared to accept that your wife may not be a sadist...or even a dominant. Love her just the same and be thankful for what you have.

Good Luck
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by pokekey »

Take it slow and let her discover her reasons for keeping you locked. When she sees her own benefit from your being locked and following rules she will become interested in enforcing them.

Share what excites you. Maybe it will also excite her. Or be something she wants to do for you.

I've never had success presenting a list of rules and punishments. Peoples lives are too full for them to pay attention to something like that unless they are interested. So engage her interest by engaging her reasons and by sharing why it excites you.
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by Shepherdsflock »

Wow, you're only three weeks into this and you're complaining that your wife isn't as into it as hardcore as you want? Man, you've already asked her to make a big change by trying chastity. Slow down!
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by TwistedMister »

Patience, Grasshopper. It took Mrs. Twisted *years* to discover that she enjoyed (and was turned on by) slapping my cock and balls.

I can't quite recall (at the moment) how that breakthrough was made. It might have helped that when situations were reversed, we found that being spanked (ass, tits, pussy) turned her on.

Be patient, wait, and be ever alert for an opportunity to indicate that you might be interested in something along that line, but very gently/cautiously. It could be something on TV, or in a movie, and you could suggest that it might be fun to try it. But let her get comfortable with [the idea of] 'control' first, when that happens she may naturally be more open to using other forms of control.
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by locked4her55 »

TwistedMister wrote:Patience, Grasshopper.
Yup, it's true.

Up until just this year my wife wouldn't want to hear about any "punishment" for misbehaving. Now it's been worked into the conversation and she is asserting her authority more.

I always have commented to her since we have been together how I admire how she keeps her fingernails finely manicured. Well, last month in bed I did something which I did not ask permission to do and she dug those finely manicured nails into my/her scrotum. After about a minute and just before it felt like she was about to draw blood she grabbed my chin with her free hand, had me look into her eyes and said "Don't do that again without asking permission first, Understand?" :shock: :D

She never would have done that when we started out, hence. . it may take some time.

BTW . . .Nice Avatar 8-)
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by Aarkey »

braddogg4345 wrote:Hello everyone...
Welcome braddogg4345, to the group and I hope you're open to a lot of good, hard learned wisdom...
The_Mariner wrote:What you are asking could take up an entire forum just by itself.
pokekey wrote:Take it slow.
Shepherdsflock wrote:Wow, you're only three weeks into this and you're complaining
Hey, to be fair I don't think he's complaining - he's just asking for suggestions because he *does* want more. How many guys leap too far, too fast, without asking for any suggestions? I know I did when I was younger.
TwistedMister wrote:Patience, Grasshopper.

braddogg4345, I hope you're seeing a theme here. Many of us have heard this and/or personally dealt with this in our relationship(s) - sometimes for years. I know I have. I urge patience. And when you think you're being patient, be more patient. There are a LOT of good online forums, a LOT of good books out there, and even some face to face meetings/organizations which can be of help to both of you. But I implore you to remember that the fantasy in your head might have taken MANY years to develop, and the reality it her head, might only be three weeks old. So, I urge you to take it slow. Open up a bit by bit, and savor every little morsel of kinky fun that you get to enjoy. Relish it. And I beg of you to be grateful for it. And hopefully, in time, she'll want more. She'll get excited at your excitement, she'll find her own excitement... and it can be a fun adventure. But it can take a lot of time. And some women revolt at it. For every success story, I have heard a hundred tales of that warn about men pushing for too much, too fast. And while the men want shape and mold their wife into the Goddess of their fantasy, what they all too often do is make their wife feel like an object to be controlled by their partner. A pretend "Dominant" sexual servant, and generally... that doesn't work well.

So read up here on the forums, feel free to shoot me (and I'm sure other guys) PM messages for suggestions, and take it VERY VERY slow. And try to savor every little bite!
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by hertoy »

You may want to introduce her to the books by Georgia Ivey Green. I gave a couple of the T&D books to my wife and she took to it with out looking back. Having it explained by another woman is very reassuring to her and the books go beyond T&D and in to punishments in there various forms.
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by johnsub »


Lets be honest here, although chastity sounds like it is something a guy would never want.
We are all here because we are kinky and devoted to our partners, and we like the idea.

So we actually want to give something, we just don't know how to give it.
Because once the KH gets the hang of it, it starts sounding like a dumb idea lol.

My KH and I started the relationship the other way around, and reversing that was and is still sometimes difficult, specially as in daily life i am the more dominant.

But her and my needs far exceeded what we expected, one day we watched a movie "SM Rechter" with english subtitles, and that was the moment when we she realized that I needed more than i dared say.
"if you reverse the genders in the movie that is"

Now she has no problem locking me up, so that she can determine when she gets an oral O with no strings attached, and when she gets full sex.

As far as punishment is concerned the same applies, once i carefully suggested that punishment is an option if things she wants done don't get done.

She soon got the hang of that too, now if at the end of the week her list of chores are not done she will really let me have it.

That too started as kinky but has now reached the level where i am careful to obey, and she feels her life is made.

During the day, and to the outside world we have a great relationship.
But between us, I have the life i wanted and so does she LOL
But it took time, don't push, and be careful what you wish for.

I once asked if we could go back to before chastity and punishment, and there was really no way.
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Re: Taking chastity and S&M to the next level?

Post by McAndrew »

johnsub wrote: But it took time, don't push, and be careful what you wish for.
I once asked if we could go back to before chastity and punishment, and there was really no way.

My wife always has had problems imagining why she would want to do almost anything sexually new. So progress has to be slow and in tiny steps. Then she decides if it's fun or not. After that it's often a case of "well it was your idea".

As for S&M style punishments, fortunately she doesn't like inflicting serious damage, but loves the theatrics.
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