Arguing with your wife while locked.

[MarkA]

I have found that being under lock and key makes me much more sympathetic to my wife's point of view on many issues. We may still quarrel, but I am not NEARLY as stubborn as I used to be. She, of course, is free to be as stubborn as she wants.

[LadyDs_alex]

Your relationship rules certainly have an impact on this. As said, if there is an FLR type of relationship it can vary a lot because you may really have little final say over anything.

Yes, I understand. LadyD and I don't do 24/7 lifestyle. I can fantasize about that, but I know I don't want it in reality, and neither does she. I like being dominated by her in the sexual area, but only there. In other areas of our relationship, I want proper parliamentary procedures.

And even "dominated sexually" can have a lot of wiggle room. To be explicit: LadyD can take our flogger and beat my ass in a fine and thorough manner -- but then she can toss the whip aside, lay back on the bed and open her legs, and say, "Now take me how you want!"
And I will do so. Setting the pace, being a bit rough, even changing positions at my say-so. In my mind though, I am still submitting to her, because she asked me to take charge and let her relax and enjoy being ravaged. A word from her, "Not so hard!", or "Harder!", and I obey at once. I'm not a wild beast -- I'm a domesticated one, whom the Lady has let out of his cage, because it is Her pleasure to do so.

Hmm. I seem to have strayed from the subject of arguing. What really is there to argue about with this Lady?

I think I will be ok. When it comes to arguing, neither LadyD nor myself has a tendency to "go there" -- that is, bring in sexual stuff when the disagreement is about something else, so I think we will be ok.
Fingers crossed. {And five weeks and counting!}

[Caged55]

In a FLR, arguing with the wife becomes a risky thing... as it always ends up in some form of sexual forfeit, mainly loss of orgasm priviledges, extending any chance of orgasm even months out... hence we virtually never argue. She is in control, I respect that, and when she raises her finger to say thats it... I generally suck it up. Her rules, her control... no argument, and being in chastity 24/7 has an amazing effect on resolving a "un-winnable" argument. Permanent Chastity has had a huge effect on our relationship in a positive way, and we used to argue a lot, to now virtually never....

[MrCage]

We don't have big arguments, when we do have disagreements, the cage is not in the argument but the threat of a longer period of time is sometimes made. So being caged usually goes along with how much and mow worth the argument is to me.

[Jedi]

Earlier this year I broached the idea of a Female Lead Relationship to my wife. As I explained to her what having a Female Lead Relationship entailed, she started to laugh a little. She them looked me in the eyes and pointed out that I had just described our 20 years of marriage. I reflected upon her words and realized that we had always had a Female Lead Relationship. It was just simply the dynamic that worked between us.

I tell you this because the one thing that my wife and I are proud of is that we have never had any "real" arguments in our 20 years of marriage. My being locked (off and on) for the last 4 years of the marriage really have not had any bearing at all on how much or how little we argue and on how cruel and sadistic she can be when she wants to play with me.

With that said, she does utilize corporal punishment as a way to discourage me from any small little things I might do, such as telling her she is wrong about something... after all, we both agree that she is always right, even when she isn't right.

[tammystoy]

My wife and I don't really have a D/s relationship, but she does decide when I'm in the cage and for how long. We mostly keep it in the bedroom, but she has used this power to coerce on a couple of minor issues. For instance, she wanted me to go visit a relative with her and I really didn't want to go, so she told me to put on my cage and explained that the longer it took me to decide the longer I would be locked up. I'm sure she wasn't bluffing and that if I'd decided to stay home I would have spent a few weeks without release, but it was a minor and rare thing.

On major decisions, like buying a new car or a big job decision, being locked up isn't part of it. I think this gets back to the issue of having a healthy relationship before bringing male chastity into it. We always talked and made these decisions together before I brought up male chastity and it was about working together instead of who had the power. That's really the way it is in an FLR, too, since the partners are both in it by their consent, even if one of the partners has consented to leave the final decision to the other (Never having been in a real FLR, I realize I may be talking out of my ass here and will happily defer to anyone more experienced who thinks I'm wrong on this point).

I'd also note that, even in relationships that don't involve male chastity, access to sex may play a role. I once dated a woman who commented that "men are so much more agreeable when their dicks are hard." In that sense, being locked up by a long-term keyholder is very much like being on a third date with a new person. I've done things I didn't necessarily want to for the sake of an orgasm in both situations.

[LadyDs_alex]

UPDATE: I broached this subject with LadyD this afternoon. (I figure the more things we can work out before the Jailbird arrives, the better we will be.)

It turns out she too was concerned about this. She wondered if she was "allowed" to leave me locked because we were arguing when she might have otherwise have freed me. (She didn't actually use the word "allowed" but that was the general sense of her concern.)

Suddenly I had an epiphany. I can't believe I didn't see it before! Maybe talking to her made it more clear to me.

I told her that neither one of us is into "angry sex". (We aren't). So therefore; let us suppose that chastity wasn't a thing in our lives and we were fighting. She would never want sex at that time. Not till the disagreement was resolved.

And so I told her that she must simply forget that I am locked! Let her behave sexually toward me exactly as she would have before chastity became a thing in our lives! Don't let the cage be a factor.

I felt smart. And then I felt really stupid. Because in another post of mine, I said that I thought the one absolute rule of a male chastity relationship is, "When the Keyholder unlocks him, it must be because she wants to."

And so there it was! We aren't into angry sex. So if we are fighting -- I stay locked. Not necessarily a cause-and-effect punishment mind you (maybe not ) just a fact of life I shall have to learn to deal with!

[lockedsteve]

Nah. Being locked up for us is just a sex thing. Does not affect how I act, other than being more horny, in our marriage. My wife still prefers to be the submissive old fashioned wife who takes care of the house and her husband. We rarely have a fight that lasts more than a few minutes. We usually just forget about it real quick and move on or I apologize no matter if I am right or wrong.