Feeling awkward/embarassed around wife

[sunnyweasel]

Wow -- I went through that -- I tried to talk to her, even bought a book. She never read as far as I know. We had about 2 year run she put up with the idea but really couldnt understand. In her mind wearing a device made me less of a man. I tried to explain the reasons masturbation, secure feeling , kinky feeling , when pleasuring her the intensity rush the I would get. I tired to tell her it as close to a female orgasm. Since I was focused on her she had very strong orgasms but she could not put it all together. Her feeling and what I was feeling. She even said she selfish and likes to receive than give. So I still struggling trying to get her to see the benefits we both get.
My cb6000s finally broke it been a 1 1/2 year and I working on getting a HT v2. So I will try again.

I just cant get rid of the feeling when locked. I am kinda addicted.

sunnyweasel

[Curry]

say, newbie...
do you want a copy of 'when someone you love is kinky'?
i'll mail you ours. we are done with it.

[newbie]

Wow -- I went through that -- I tried to talk to her, even bought a book. She never read as far as I know. We had about 2 year run she put up with the idea but really couldnt understand. In her mind wearing a device made me less of a man. I tried to explain the reasons masturbation, secure feeling , kinky feeling , when pleasuring her the intensity rush the I would get. I tired to tell her it as close to a female orgasm. Since I was focused on her she had very strong orgasms but she could not put it all together. Her feeling and what I was feeling. She even said she selfish and likes to receive than give. So I still struggling trying to get her to see the benefits we both get.
My cb6000s finally broke it been a 1 1/2 year and I working on getting a HT v2. So I will try again.

I just cant get rid of the feeling when locked. I am kinda addicted.

sunnyweasel

That sounds exactly like us, my wife just doesn't see it the way I do, even with the benefits she gets because of it.

I feel somewhat addicted too, I keep trying to quit but I always end up back in a device. I've gotten rid of three so far.... $$$$

[newbie]

say, newbie...
do you want a copy of 'when someone you love is kinky'?
i'll mail you ours. we are done with it.

Thanks, I might just take you up on that.

[Edgewood]

This is a great topic. Thanks for starting this thread.

I am very much in the same boat as you are. Like you I've even thrown out chastity devices and then found myself replacing them a few months later. (Expensive habit by the way.) My desire for my orgasms to be controlled by another person will simply just not go away. Perhaps if they were controlled for an extended period of time I would outgrow the practice of chastity, but until that happens, I'm convinced that I will not grow tired of the idea of chastity.

There are several dimensions I struggle with when it comes to this aspect of my sexuality.

The first and perhaps the biggest is when "real life" kicks in I feel a bit awkward. When the AC is broken, there's no food in the house and the dog is throwing up, chastity all seems a bit... goofy (the appropriate word fails me here so that will have to do). I also feel foolish and embarrassed wearing the device on the nights we have a disagreement. The fact that my keyholder is reluctant at best and doesn't have a great imagination when it comes to sex just adds to these feelings. She also doesn't love the look of the devices I've worn.

The second dimension is that chastity can be very distracting for me. I don't know if this has ever been discussed at length on this forum (I've searched but haven't found much) but I would love to see if others have the same issue. There are definitely times when I feel like I'm not focused or that I've wasted a good chunk of time with my head swimming in a cloud of hormones and lust.

The funny thing is I'm a confident guy on the street and I've come to accept that human sexuality is complex, and so I'm unapologetic about my desires. When it comes to making my keyholder more comfortable I've tried conversations, written messages and reading material without much success. In the idealistic sense my keyholder is very open to non vanilla/non traditional sex. It just seems like when the rubber hits the road it's the complete opposite. Maybe I need to do a better job of setting the table. You could be in the same situation.

Or it could be that some couples just aren't cut out for this. We may be one of them. Unfortunately for us the alternative to locking up my cock is a pair of dramatically mismatched sex drives and my inability to wait around for her.

[mishuno]

Newbie,

My wife is quite vanilla as well and it was tough on her in the beginning. We started last November on my suggestion with chastity and it has been a roller coaster ride but we are slowly on the up hill climb. Once we began though she saw that the benefits our relationship and marriage realized were immense. We really have never been happier than when I am locked up. This is after 23 years of marriage.

She still struggles with it but is beginning to like certain aspects more and more and is very willing to put some effort into it because she see's the benefits.

She hesitates to read much on the web as well for the same reasons you stated: a lot of blogs get a bit too "kinky" for her, although I quite enjoy them!

BUT...

I have recently pointed her to a new blog: http://mychastehubby.blogspot.com. The writer is a member of this forum as well. She writes from a very down to earth vanilla perspective without much "kink" at all. I recommend you point your wife to her blog and have her read the posts, there are not many as of now and most of them are very good. She is also willing to email converse with other women on the subject of chastity.

Have your wife start with this post:

http://mychastehubby.blogspot.com/2015/ ... women.html

Hope it works out for you.

[newbie]

Wow, thanks for all the posts and advice. It certainly is nice to know that I'm not alone in this.

I've also tried having conversations face to face but I tend to get nervous/excited and start to draw blanks in that situation. I sent her a long email (maybe too long with too much information) and she responded back:

..., It is your business if want to have that on. If you want to put a key in my nightstand go ahead. That thing turns me off so I don't want to know when you have it on. Sorry but that is how I feel. Love, ....

At least she still said "Love,..."

Anyway, after that exchange I emailed her back saying that if it wasn't fun for both of us then it probably wasn't worth doing (or words to that effect) and I thought at that point I would give it up.

What actually happened was I began to just wear it and see what happened. What happened was that I would wear it as much as possible to show her that it wasn't some crazy idea that had just popped into my head but rather something that I felt very strongly about. Sure, she wasn't happy when I would always have it on when we were in bed especially if she was feeling frisky (rare), or that she could feel it against her as we became intimate and I would go down on her (she claimed it scraped her leg at one time..). And she still had no interest in controlling the key. But to show her I was still serious about it I kept wearing it, and would take it off in the shower to clean it and then would place it on top of the shower (I'm sure you've heard me talking about this at great length before) and she would see it as it was in plain view almost every morning. It did seem like she adjusted her bathroom time in the morning so that we weren't overlapping though eventually.

But there was always something about having her see me naked with the device on, in broad daylight, that made me feel like there was something wrong with me or something. I felt it was almost demeaning and that I was less of a man for wearing it. I felt like a fool because I know she didn't understand it at all.

Anyway, life got in the way during the summer and I got out of the routine of wearing it, but now I'm ready to start again. I think I need to just suck it up and pretend like it's no big deal and not try to psyche myself out again. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit to have the compassion to just accept me for who I am in spite of what I do.

One thing I know, patience is the key, and that's something I need to work on.

[locked4her55]

I purchased this book for my wife and future Keyholder to read. She said it really helped.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/male-ch ... 1008937614
It's also available on Amazon.

The good folks at keptforher.com also have some very chastity friendly views and letters from customers that are very vanilla. Might be worth a look.

http://www.keptforher.com/why-chastity.html

[wmpwiwlw]

my experience has been that she was on board from the start but we did have our problems. I think for her she was scared that I was not going to be or wanted to be the same man. She likes me being the man of the house, but she also likes me not masturbating. So once we got that squared away she was pretty happy. So what I'm saying is that some women dont want a submissive husband, they want their MAN. So when you boil it all down I am only into chastity so that I save my libido for her and only her, and she likes that. Maybe your wife needs to hear something like that, IDK. I just know that my wife was very concerned early on that I would become some weird kinky submissive drooling over her all day, and she definitely did not want that. Also if you want to practice chastity even though your wife is not on board at the moment there are websites that can act as a virtual keyholder. One site I have used is thechaste.com. Its worth a look if you want chastity and prefer some control.

[newbie]

So when you boil it all down I am only into chastity so that I save my libido for her and only her, and she likes that. Maybe your wife needs to hear something like that, IDK.

That makes a lot of sense. I think in our case she might just be thinking that I want her to become the dominant person in the bedroom (in fact I may have even told her that at some point) but I don't think that's what either of us wants. I like the idea of explaining it as saving my libido for her, and not wasting it.

Thanks