Should I keep going?

Living the real life under lock and key
lockedsteve
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by lockedsteve »

We are in our sixties and two years ago started out much like you. In fact, we stopped and started several times. What hooked my wife was the reaction she got when edging me. She laughed out loud and said she loved the feeling of power she had over me. Over time she learned that I would not die if I did not orgasm or would I get upset with her. She grew to like not having to deal with the mess I made when I had an orgasm or how I acted on the days following it. She started to lengthen my orgasm denial period more and more, getting more comfortable in denying me an orgasm and not feeling like a cruel wife. It took us almost two years to get to orgasm denial for 3-4 months and supposedly she wants me to wait for 6 months until our wedding anniversary this time. Says her days of feeling guilty are over but we shall see. Just keep at it and take baby steps. Two years ago I was ready to give up and in fact did a few times but here I am wearing a Jailbird 24/7, an owner of a professional massage table and only having sex when she wants it.
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TwistedMister
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by TwistedMister »

Newbie, I read your recent 'Journey' entry and I have to say, it would seem you missed another prime opportunity. You need to be prepared to take advantage of them when they arise. And, as TQ notes below, you need to do so in a way that appeals to *her* needs and wants, put *her* first. When she gets what she needs, it will be easier for her to give you what you need.
tqbartleby wrote:The way it worked for me...was that 1) a very gradual approach is necessary, and 2) it has to be about her experience, not yours. If what she hears is "lock me up! lock me up!" she might find it tiresome. I think the thing to work on is what you've already been doing: her pleasure, her comfort first....As some wise person here said...chastity is the means. What is the end? Her fulfillment, more than yours.
Let me relate something that happened recently with Mrs. Twisted and myself, as an example. Mrs. Twisted has come to enjoy having me locked up, and, in fact, has been the one to re-start the 'Game' on the last couple of occasions. It did take her a while to get to this point, and she is still dealing with some inhibitions. Mrs. Twisted is a very 'giving' person and tends to attempt to give other people what she thinks they need/want, often putting their needs ahead of her own (and sometimes to her disappointment or even detriment).

Obviously, I enjoy this 'game', and Mrs. Twisted would probably 'play' it, even if she didn't really want to, because that's just the way she is. However, I want her to *want* to do it, and do it *because* she wants to- that's what trips my trigger. I could say "Here, lock me up for x amount of time, and do this, that, and this other thing" and she would most likely go along with it just because I told her to, but I don't want it to work that way. So, that means that she needs to get something that *she* wants/needs out of it, in order for me to get what *I* want out of it.

She, at this point in time, has had me locked up for a couple of months or so, and she was the one who brought it up. However, I would like to see the 'Game' escalated, and explore some ideas that have [so far] been limited to fantasy/role-play during sex, but, I want her to want to do it because *she* wants to do it. My 'hot button' is to be forced to 'play' because *she* wants to, not because *I* want [her] to (a peculiar distinction) which puts me in a tricky situation, a situation which is not completely dissimilar to your own.

So, what's a poor guy to do?

Well, a week or two back, we were talking. I don't remember exactly what the conversation was, or even whether it was about sex or something else. She has been going through a difficult period at work (major software upgrade being done in a poor way, lack of information and her advice falling on deaf ears) and has been feeling somewhat under-appreciated, despite long hours and putting up with a lot of crap. This may or may not have played a part in what she said, which was something about wanting to feel 'wanted' and/or 'needed'. Now, I may not remember the conversation exactly (she sometimes complains that I don't listen), but I keyed into this one particular sentiment that she expressed.

So, Sunday night, after a long weekend of trying to deal with the upgrade we were going to bed very late, and she was going to have to be up early. 'Playtime' that had been intended for the weekend had disappeared because of her work. As late as it was, I was no longer in a mood to play and I didn't think that she was either. She was asleep within about a minute of laying her head on the pillow. However, when she dropped into 'Dreamland', it really was 'Dreamland', and it was about sex. She was moaning, and grinding, and talking in her sleep.

I know from experience that when she gets like this, ignoring it doesn't make it go away. She'll just keep going, keeping me awake, until at some point she will begin pleasuring herself in her sleep until she gets off (and may or may not wake up when her O hits). The quickest route for me to get to sleep is to help her get off so that *she* can get to sleep (a real, restful sleep). I wasn't in the mood, it was late...but, being so late, hearing her moaning, knowing that she was tired and if I put my head between her legs and helped her get off she would just be going to sleep after and I would not get unlocked for any attention oddly appeals to this perverse little kink, and I felt myself becoming rapidly aroused. Within a very short time I was as swollen as I could get [in the cage] and like a good little 'sex-slave' I put my tongue to work. She was *very* wet already, and from the things she was saying (what I could hear) she was dreaming about somebody else pleasuring her while I watched and 'assisted'.

I was *very* uncomfortably hard since that plays right into the fantasy ideas we have been playing with for a couple of years now, but which she has [so far] been too inhibited to follow through with. If my cock had been free, I would have almost certainly put it against her lips, and she would have as certainly sucked it in and I would have been blowing my load in very short order...that not being the case, I simply put more effort into *her* pleasure while simultaneously trying to ignore, and reveling in, the discomfort of my frustratingly caged organ. She was reaching her peak fairly quickly, and she awoke (quite surprised) just before her orgasm hit. I think that her awakening to find that [some of] what was happening in her dream really was happening helped to push her over the edge.

After her orgasm, I was rubbing/massaging her belly and thighs, which helps to extend and prolong her pleasure and sends 'aftershocks' through her. She took the opportunity to check the state of my cock, which of course was still swollen and hard, with the cage pushed out away from my body (the 'rooty', as Lady M calls it). When the aftershocks faded, I laid down next to her, she smiled, turned over, and said "None for you, too bad." And, it was clear that she thoroughly enjoyed doing so, deliberately leaving me hard and horny, and pleased that she was able to do so. (When she was called a 'cocktease' in HS, she thought it was an insult, now it's a badge of honor.)

Fanfuckingtastic!

You might think the example ends here...but it doesn't. I stayed pretty much aroused most of Monday and Tuesday, and she made some comments here and there, hinting about how much she enjoyed what had happened. Remembering her previous indication about wanting to be/feel 'wanted'/'needed', I prepared a series of text messages. The messages were to the effect of how sexy she was with her dream and 'naughty' talk, how much she turned me on finding *her* so turned on, how turned on I was at being 'used' for her pleasure, 'wanting' her but being locked and unable to have her, how exciting it was to watch her enjoy being pleasured while I was not, and how it turned me on even more for her to enjoy turning over and leaving me hard, horny and 'wanting'. On Tuesday evening, when she called me to say that she was leaving work (late, and frustrated) she told me she was going to the bar to have a quick drink with some of her co-workers. I waited a few minutes for her to get on the road and then hit 'send' on the texts so that they would arrive while she was driving, knowing that she would look at them in the parking lot before going into the bar.

I gave her what she wanted and needed on several levels- Sunday night with the purely sexual attention, and again Tuesday with the texts. I assured that she felt 'wanted' and 'needed', I let her know that it was 'OK' for her to enjoy herself in this way and that it made *me* happy to be able to do that for her. I reinforced her pleasure and desire to 'play' this 'game' in a way that makes her happy and ensures that she *wants* to do it. I'm not telling her "do 'this' for/to me", I'm simply giving her the opportunity to enjoy herself and letting her know that it's OK, that it pleases me too. It takes the pressure off her and allows her to be 'selfish' and enjoy her pleasure because she knows that it works out for both of us. She gets what she wants, and I get what I want (which is for her to *want* to NOT give me what I want...yeah, it's fucking Twisted, but it's a hell of a lot of fun).

Incidentally, last night she took pleasure in reminding me of some events which she calculated would result in my becoming aroused and happily drifting off to sleep knowing that I was hard and horny for her. This morning she called me on her way to work to inform me that she intended to be more 'selfish' in the future...and made a point of informing me that her dream on Sunday night included 'sloppy seconds' for me...I don't know if she would *really* do it...but she has surprised me before...
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04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
laetine
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by laetine »

Every day cause happiness is what is most important.
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newbie
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by newbie »

I understand I missed a golden opportunity again, and as I was down there between her legs bringing her to orgasm I was thinking to my self "say those things that the guy on chastity forums told you to say, tell her you want to be inside her and see what she says"...and I still don't know why I didn't. I think part of it is that I didn't want to spoil the moment for her by telling her what I want. It wasn't about what I want, it was about her enjoying herself. Anyway, who knows.

I could tell when we were done that she was satisfied but on the other hand would have liked to have my penis available. She likes to play with it and feel it inside her. I know, technically she held the key (somewhere) and she could have unlocked me or had me unlock myself but from her perspective the locked cage is "my thing" and she still wants no part of it. For whatever reason, even though she held the key (she has since given it back to me) that whether I wear the device or not is completely my choice. I tried to get her to understand that it's up to her when I get out but then she prefers me to be unlocked all the time. The device really turns her off and I don't have a good way to get around that. I was locked for two weeks straight doing everything I could to make her happy and show her that wearing it had definite benefits for her and her happiness, and she could care less and probably 99% of the time she didn't even remember I was wearing it. I could have gone on indefinitely wearing it and she would have been ok with that, especially if I wasn't initiating sex because she isn't one to initiate it....ever. What fun is being locked if nobody cares, then it just becomes a burden on me.

I realize everyones situation is different, but mine is what it is. I know I'll get alot of "it's all about her not you...you idiot......you have to show her that it's all for her" type of responses, I always do, but in my defense I really have tried to show her all the benefits of me being in chastity as well as focusing on her and her pleasure. I really have. She still wants nothing to do with me wearing it.
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Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

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carolina cyclist
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by carolina cyclist »

I went through the same thing you did for several years with MrsL having absolutely no interest. In my situation, I would simply put my chastity device away and bring it up at a later time in the year. We did this off and on for over 5 years before my latest attempt...which has been wonderful. You have to decide if locking yourself up without her participation is really something you want right now.
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TwistedMister
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by TwistedMister »

newbie wrote:I understand I missed a golden opportunity again, and as I was down there between her legs bringing her to orgasm I was thinking to my self "say those things that the guy on chastity forums told you to say, tell her you want to be inside her and see what she says"...and I still don't know why I didn't. I think part of it is that I didn't want to spoil the moment for her by telling her what I want. It wasn't about what I want, it was about her enjoying herself.
No biggie, you made a choice. If it worked for you, to please her while you didn't get off, and you made her happy then it's still good.
I could tell when we were done that she was satisfied but on the other hand would have liked to have my penis available. She likes to play with it and feel it inside her. I know, technically she held the key (somewhere) and she could have unlocked me or had me unlock myself but from her perspective the locked cage is "my thing" and she still wants no part of it. For whatever reason, even though she held the key (she has since given it back to me) that whether I wear the device or not is completely my choice. I tried to get her to understand that it's up to her when I get out but then she prefers me to be unlocked all the time. The device really turns her off and I don't have a good way to get around that.
Well, maybe you'll just have to back off and go at it a different way. If it 'turns her off' and she's dead set against it, then trying to push her into it probably won't be helpful at all...might even create some serious conflict.
What fun is being locked if nobody cares, then it just becomes a burden on me.
Very true. I certainly wouldn't be locked-up if the Mrs. wasn't participating, I don't get off simply by wearing a cage on my cock and not getting off. For it to work for me, I need her to be involved...and more importantly, for her to *want* to be involved because she *enjoys* it. If she didn't *want* to do it, the thing would just go into a drawer and stay there, which it has done.

It has actually taken quite a long time for Mrs. Twisted and I to get to where we are now, more than ten years (probably closer to twenty). It has involved some very gradual explorations and changes, I used to be the dominant one in the bedroom and (between sessions of the 'Game') sometimes I still am. Sometimes she likes to be tied and teased, sometimes she likes to resist and be overpowered and 'taken'. I don't want to deny her that when she wants it, and I'm hoping that (eventually) things will work out so that she can have that while still getting what she wants out of this...although I'd prefer that, ultimately, she is the one in control. Unlike some of the 'stories' I've read in some places I'm not really too keen on some other guy coming in and telling me what to do- my eroticism generally tends to revolve around at least one woman being present and dominant, at least in regards to *me*.
I know I'll get alot of "it's all about her not you...you idiot...
Well, I'll certainly not say that. As far as I'm concerned, this type of play (among other aspects of relationships) involve both/all parties involved having their needs/wants/desires met in a way that is mutually acceptable. I would be dishonest if I tried to insist that it's "all about her", because it isn't. I need to get something out of it too. No matter what twisted road of logic it takes to get there, at the end of it is the fact that I get a want/need/desire met.
...you have to show her that it's all for her" type of responses, I always do, but in my defense I really have tried to show her all the benefits of me being in chastity as well as focusing on her and her pleasure. I really have. She still wants nothing to do with me wearing it.
Unfortunately, that doesn't always work. In fact, that might not even be the best approach. As I've mentioned elsewhere, Mrs. Twisted has often sacrificed her own wants/needs in order to [attempt to] give me what she thinks I want/need...and many times what I really want is the exact opposite of what she thinks...and that has created conflicts too, especially bad ones because she thought she was doing something 'good' and was pleased with herself and happy because of it, only to find that whatever it was was 'wrong' and I was angry that she had done it. It's a nasty scene when someone is on a happy high because she thinks she has done something to please you, and then she finds you angry for her having done it.

You may need to put the device in a drawer, take a step back and use a more gradual approach. One suggestion might be, when you are having a little playtime, ask her to tease you, orally/manually/whatever, but to delay giving you an orgasm. Let her know that she is doing it *for* you, and that you *enjoy* being teased but having your orgasm delayed. Let her have fun doing it *to* you and *for* you. Then go on from there. But you may have to be very patient, it could take a long time...but have fun getting there.

Surely she must have some desire to please you in some form or fashion, it's a matter of making your pleasure hers and vice versa...or something like that...
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04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
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newbie
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by newbie »

Thanks to everyone here who has given me some great advice. It's nice to have a place to get advice from people who have actually been there/done that.

I guess the most important thing to do right now is to be patient and see where things go. I want to still be involved in wearing the device, but I've come to realize that our family situation may not be conducive to 24/7 wear. I may go back to wearing it mostly overnight and on weekends, which she had no problem seeing it in the bathroom when I was showering and cleaning it in the mornings. Maybe start there.

My wife is not one for alot of playfullness between having sex. There really isn't any teasing or sexual contact of any kind outside the bedroom. She is more of the 'you start it and if I'm in the mood I'll reciprocate' type of person, so I always need to initiate sex. If I don't then we can go weeks with nothing, but if I do it can be once a week or more.

One thing I have thought about is that she has alot of responsibility at work, and maybe being responsible for me either being locked or unlocked is something she just doesn't want to deal with. I feel like when it comes to the bedroom she prefers me to be "in charge" so to speak. I have noticed that when she is laying on her back, and I am on top, that she likes to have her hands/wrists held down over her head as well as have her breasts grabbed and squeezed in a somewhat rough way as well. It sort of gives me the impression that she is more of a submissive in bed, and may like the idea of being helpless or ravaged. That's something that might be worth exploring, and could be why she doesn't want a device in the way of that happening to her.
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Last orgasm: October 20, 2016. Masturbated while locked. :(

Last PIV: been a while

Device used: CB6000s, Holy Trainer V2 (part time) Black Short and Clear Standard.
Currently locked part time in a Clear Holy Trainer V2 Standard, 40mm ring.
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locked4her55
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by locked4her55 »

newbie wrote:What fun is being locked if nobody cares
Your right, it's no fun at all.

Wish you had a more invested wife, but you have been given some great advice here. I hope in the future things turn around for you.
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tqbartleby
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by tqbartleby »

newbie wrote:One thing I have thought about is that she has alot of responsibility at work, and maybe being responsible for me either being locked or unlocked is something she just doesn't want to deal with.
Yes, this is a thorny and interesting issue. To want to submit is not the same thing as to want to see her acting dominant. The vision of the controlling, authoritative dominatrix is a fantasy for countless men, but acting out that role is, for the dominant woman, not simple, and it takes work. Hence the difficulty of introducing locked chastity: all of a sudden, the woman has to invest in a whole scenario she might not yet really get, and to show that she is invested in it. For busy working women it can be just one more demand.

For a man to be submissive, on the other hand, takes no work at all for the woman. On the contrary. In my earliest attempts to move us in this direction, I tried to go much too fast and to impose a whole way of behaving that my wife did not know about or care about. It was a flop, and I backtracked, and didn't return to it until years later. When I was finally successful, it was through voluntarily giving her the benefits of being in charge without making her work at it.

The most important thing, I believe, was when I said that I wanted to pleasure her sexually whenever she wanted, without expecting reciprocation. We had already been playing with edging and orgasm denial, but now I was saying, "I'll take care of you whenever you want--and that'll be that, nothing else unless you want it." She was a little uncertain. We talked some more and she said, "Why not? That could work for me." I said, "Are you interested right now?" And she said "Yes!" and headed for the bedroom. I applied myself and she had a fine time and then we went about our day. It was so hot. And then our bedroom play of denial and teasing morphed gradually to a situation where she gets regular attention and I get to come once a week or less frequently (I'm currently coming up to two weeks and uncertain what her plans are).

And that's on the honor system. When she agreed to a device recently, it was from that point in our long road. If I had sprung the idea on her years ago, before we had reached our present agreement, I don't think I would have gotten anywhere.

Hence the wisdom of first put her first. Every couple is different, so you have to make it up as you go along. But listen to your heart more than your dick! ;)
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TwistedMister
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Re: Should I keep going?

Post by TwistedMister »

Good advice TQ, my experience has not been completely dissimilar. It may not be *all* about her, but you do have to do some things first.

You can't just look at a woodstove and say "Give me heat" and expect to be instantly warm. First you have to cut the wood, and split it. You need to know the nuances of how your particular stove operates. Ignite some tinder under the kindling, coax a flame and fan it to make it stronger- not too much or you might blow it out, as the flames grow you add larger bits of wood until you get a nice fire the size you want...then adjust the draft and soak up the heat. But you still have to feed it, and take care of it...and be careful, because if you're not and you let too much air get to it by opening the draft too much or neglecting to make sure the door is tightly closed it could get going too good, over-fire and burn your house down.
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04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
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