Male Ego

[Grizzly228]

I would say I've always been pretty considerate in a relationship and our policy relationship is still pretty male-led (as much as she allows. Lol). However I look at it as a redefining or rearrangement of ego. There is an expectation socially that a male is supposed to be banging everything and spraying his seed everywhere. I never bought into all that but it's in the back of our minds and we can be afraid of how others perceive us.

I look at it as maybe a smaller "male ego" but better overall sense of self. I'm happy I am pleasing her in ways most guys wouldn't. In that way I see myself as a better mate.

[Tom Allen]

The issue we have, is he worries that I am going to view him as less manly,

Ahh, that kind of ego.

This is a frequent concern for a lot of us; while chastity play and other related activities aren't inherently submissive, there's the possibility that they can be seen that way by our partner - especially in moments when we're not in the middle of doing something sexual. Mrs Edge and I have been at this for years, and I still check in with her (both for her benefit and my own) to make sure that we haven't crossed into some kind of weird territory.

I wrote something on this a while back that may be helpful for you and him:

One of the reasons that she kinks on chastity and denying me, is that she sees it as having power over a part of me that in itself is powerful.

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/ ... k-locking/

[GoddessRhea]

I have read your blog a few times, Tom, but I had never seen that post.

It was a great piece, and I'm glad you shared it here. It made a lot of sense, and yes, it was helpful.

Also, I have really enjoyed reading everyone else's posts. They've been insightful, too.

[Linus]

As soon as the lock clicked

You said it!
I agree!!

[celticqueens_sub]

I simply mean, how long did it take for you to start listening more, and be willing to do the things asked of you, even when it wasn't of a sexual nature?

I've always been the perfect husband, so this was never, ever a problem with me.

Me too!

[celticqueens_sub]

It sounds to me like the biggest problem is that his definition of manly and your definition are different. For my wife and I, I could care less about fitting the societal definition of manly, so long as my wife thinks I am the man for her.

Like

[Tame Lion]

I can only speak for myself. The superficial enforced chastity stuff was not difficult and most of the last year was Mrs. Lion learning how to handle sexual control. FLR is recent for us and not nearly as straightforward. It's pure fantasy to believe that clicking a lock on a chastity device makes any meaningful change in a man. Enforced chastity is a kink, a game, that only deals with making him wait to orgasm. FLR is a broader control and much more difficult. I've written a lot about my adventure with it. I can't reiterate it here. All I can say is that you and he have to agree on exactly what you and he will do. Then, over time, modify the agreement. It isn't easy for either partner. Expect this to be a gradual process that has a very good chance of failing unless both of you are truly committed to it.

[chris82]

I know exactly what you mean and 3 months.

[tj246]

some takes while for them to let go of there male ego others does not take long at me
me i had no problem when i was lock from the first day on i had no ego at all i did as told as i did before i was lock,,,i may of pay more attention to her after i was lock

[Caged55]

We evolved towards a FLR gradually, to a point where we are comfortable with a Femdm lifestyle... she rules the house and I obey and submit to her, outside the house I am her man, knight in shining armor, protector and provider. Externally I am very dominant, but as soon as I come home, she rules. We have rules at home and rules outside the house. Chastity opened up a new world of control for her, I am no less of a man in her eyes, BUT I have to obey her rules or be prepared to be disciplined by her.
I totally submit to her sexually, and she loves the level of control she has over me, it works for us, and especially for her as arguments are no longer, the fighting at home has stopped nearly completely, and I have accepted her dominance in our relationship as she has mine outside the house where she wants me to be her man and do my "manly" things...