My wife is submissive to me and has been for over 40 years. She wanted a man like me because that is how her father and brothers are. She wants someone to protect her, lover her, make her feel desirable and treat her like a queen. She does not want to be married to a slave that she can order about. I think many of our wives are like that. In my time we had to make up our own fantasies. Now we have fully scripted ones that masses of men adopt and make their own. This becomes their fantasy. The problem with this is that most of the fantasy stuff out there is geared to be masturbation fodder. Nonetheless, we try to make it happen in our lives and that is the problem. We read that our wives gladly want to lock us up and dominate us. That they are just waiting for the chance to be a slut in a gang bang if we give them our OK. I have known a few women like that but most are not.
Our first few attempts at chastity were a disaster. First off, chastity is not D/s or BDSM. It is simply giving your wife control of your orgasm. That does not require that she dominate you. I too had a specific idea of what she was to do and it was overwhelming. I wanted her to be my KH, Mistress, and lead our marriage. She was overwhelmed as I was asking too much and going against her core values of who she is. It was not until I stripped away everything but just the Chastity part, did we start moving in the right direction. At first she used to let me cum whenever I begged her too. Then even if I told her I did not want to cum, she still made me cum because sex without an orgasm was not real sex to her. She was used to the satisfaction and validation she got from knowing that she still was sexy and attractive to me.
We worked through that over a few months going longer and longer without an orgasm for me. She got used to it gradually. Days turned into weeks which turned into months. She began to like it and have more orgasms with greater intensity. Eventually she told me that she would be happy if I never had an orgasm as she has no need for my penis and she likes not having to deal with my mess. However, she loves me so I think she will let me cum a few times a year but she is very comfortable in long term chastity now. I will probably have an orgasm in 3 weeks which will make a total of about 3 months without a full orgasm. This took us a year to get to.
As far as the D/s stuff. She is not into that too much. She will ask me to get her a cup of coffee once in a while an has be doing cleanup after dinner all the time. I massage her feet when told. Even then, she still likes to do things for herself. I remember when I told her that I would do all the housework so she could relax after a lifetime of her doing it. Her response was that she did not want me to take over her job. She saw it as a threat, not a treat. She likes running the household and taking care of it. She did not want a slave husband.
The most interesting thing was when she walked into my Man Cave/Office with a riding crop and told me that she was going to whip my butt for forgetting to take out the trash 3 times in a row. Wow! This was a surprise. She laid into me and left me sore and bruises. Now she has a small collection of impact toys and actually gets sexually stimulated by beating my butt. She does so at least once a week now. The problem is that it excites her so much that she rushes into her orgasm and I get very little teasing before she tells me to lock up. This is nothing like what I had in mind when we stated this but I had turned over control of our sex life to her and no longer interfered. When she was able to do it her way and at her own pace, that is when is started to work for her.
We will never go into a full D/s relationship. I am too alpha and she is too submissive. However, we can adopt roles for a few hours here and there. That is something you may want to tell your wife. Let her understand that you really do not want her to be cruel and mean to you but rather it is a sex game in which you both assume a role. Find a safe word and tell her that she can do anything she wants to you and if you are really in duress or think it is going too far, you will use your safe word. This allows her to know that she can safely treat you as she wants without actually hurting your person or feelings. It worked for us. For instance I know that I can get an orgasm at any time if I use my safe word. My wife knows that so she has no problem in denying me for long periods of time knowing that if I was desperate or it was not enjoyable for me anymore, I would let her know by using my safe word.
I hope my story helps you. Take it one step at a time. Try the chastity first. Let you wife know it is a game in which both of you cooperate to make you go as long as possible without an orgasm. We treat my chastity as something we both aim for, not as me being forced into trying to cheat or escape. The other thing is to take steps to not make keyholding a chore. It can be a real chore for wives to make sure you are locked up, not cheating, etc.. I made it as simple as possible for my wife. She has a standing order for me to be locked up at all time except for a few valid reasons. She does not have to check and I never masturbate and have not for a year since I gave my work. Yesterday my balls were burning so I used the emergency key after my wife was asleep. I unlocked myself, went to be, got a haircut today and then locked myself up and put the emergency key back where it belongs and then informed my wife. No big deal. If I wanted to cheat why would I even want to do chastity? I am the one who asked for this, not my wife.
I also bought my wife some ebooks which helped her a lot. Sometimes it is easier if someone else teaches them. Plus when we try to train them, topping from the bottom which I have no problem with if dealing with someone who needs to learn, we tend to give them a guidebook of things we want them to do to us rather than what they would like to do. We are 15 months into chastity and it is now our lifestyle. I no longer want to be dominated other than the few hours a week we play at it. My wife still is tentative about telling me to do things. I can sometimes see fear in her eyes that maybe she has gone too far and at those moments I try my best to let her know I am OK with it.
We are still a work in progress. I have a custom Jailbird ordered and we are now very comfortable with no orgasms for me. My wife says I have to wait a year but she does tend to surprise me earlier at times. All in all I am comfortable because I know that if she sees me suffering mentally or physically, she will let me cum. She is not a cruel person and that makes it much easier to me as I do not have to worry about anything. I have my safe word and I have my loving wife and that provides me with great comfort and allows me to surrender to her without fear or concern. Good luck to you and take it in small baby steps which may work out better for you than dumping multiple fetishes on her all at once.
