It's easier for her?

[Edgewood]

After a while you feel like a prisoner locked away with no one visiting you. Your wife should be made to understand that you need to have her acknowledge your chastity so you do not feel deserted and forgotten about.

That for me is the crux of the problem. I've been locked and left many times and grew tired of waiting for her to acknowledge me in even of the smallest/simplest of ways, even though I gave her plenty of suggestions for short, easy teases (some weren't even physical). Years ago somewhere in this forum I wrote chastity is not celibacy, it should be far from it. (This is probably not all that original. I'm sure others have expressed this same thing.)

So, the question I have to ask myself is, why is she not a willing participant?

The answer is it could be any number of things.

• She could be squicked out by the device.
• Or the practice of chastity.
• The period of time that I gave her to adjust might not have been long enough.
• I might have been too inconsistent. (Try for 3 weeks. Get frustrated. Let myself out for 3 months. Get excited by the idea again and ask her if she wants to try. Try for 3 weeks, Repeat.)
• Like your wife, mine is the loving, caring type and even the most vanilla dominance could be beyond her.
• She could be overwhelmed by the demands of chastity.
• Or overwhelmed by life's other demands.
• She could miss the point that this is a game not a lifestyle.
• She could be a submissive herself. (I could probably be a switch but if that happens she should understand that she's going to be giving me a tremendous amount of oral service.)
• She might not have the time or the imagination to understand that she can still have just about anything she wants sexually.

Certainly some of these are easier to overcome than others. Some might not be able to be overcome at all. Hopefully not all of these are a factor. I aim to find out which ones are the issue and I'll try my best to overcome them. Because for me the most obvious alternative to chastity is what we have now—which is nothing.

[Tame Lion]

Interesting replies. I wrote a post about ending orgasms yesterday and here it feels very relevant. It seems to me that the key is communication and surrender. If your wife agrees to be your keyholder, it isn't up to you to define the nature of your confinement. I think that's obvious. However, if she just takes the key and forgets about you, that is probably an issue. That's when communication comes in.

It's taken us nearly a year to get to the point where we are both comfortable. I am also getting very horny, but that's to be expected. The secret was lots and lots of talking and writing. We both found it easier to write about how we feel regarding enforced chastity. Our blog has over 500 posts since February, so it's safe to say we like what is happening.

[doctor_h]

I am like tamed lion and like my orgasms but like the wife to have the control. I am also like the poster that indicated his goal was to try to convince the wife to permit him orgasm. If I am not getting to orgasm then I expect to get significant teasing and denial.

My wife/KH did not provide me as much tease as I desired. I therefore asked to end the game but by contract I had to provide 6 months notice. I was surprised when she first indicated no way I could just end the game to which I pointed out it was in the contract and second she indicated that she would find a way to keep me locked up.

I had not realized that she was enjoying the game as much as it appears she was. It was a nice surprise but I do not desire to be locked and forgotten which is how I feel even though I realize some of it is how busy she keeps herself and the life we live.

So even though we been playing this game a while (maybe 4 years but we turned up the intensity about 8 months ago) we are still finding our way.

I do not think doing it "right" for us is easier on her. (the KH) It takes some effort on her part but it has rewards that I am glad she realizes. Now she just needs to find the time/energy to put forth the necessary effort.

[TwistedMister]

After a while you feel like a prisoner locked away with no one visiting you. Your wife should be made to understand that you need to have her acknowledge your chastity so you do not feel deserted and forgotten about.

That for me is the crux of the problem. I've been locked and left many times and grew tired of waiting for her to acknowledge me...

Although I'd rather not be "locked and left", it wasn't a real big issue for me when it happened, my own mind provides a considerable amount of stimulation even in that situation. However, we sort of accidentally came across a solution to that 'problem'- there was one evening when she was trying to get at my (her) cock for a bit of teasing and she was having some trouble getting it out of my jeans, and she complained about it. A couple of thoughts flashed into my mind regarding somewhat popular themes- CFNM and dominants keeping their 'slaves' naked. I half-jokingly suggested that maybe she should make it a rule that whenever I was home her 'toys' had to be out on 'display' for easy access and her viewing pleasure. She apparently thought it less of a joke than I did, and decided that it was a very good idea. So good in fact, that on a couple of occasions when I had neglected to comply while she was out, and she came home unexpectedly to discover that I was not in compliance with the new 'rule', she insisted that it was not 'optional' and that I was to comply with the rule even if she wasn't at home. It was about this time that she discovered that she likes slapping my balls- a method of 'correction' that provides results far in excess of the effort expended to apply it. Obviously, this condition is not one that can be generally applied if there are children in the home, or other guests. Also, we live in the 'country', a fairly long way off the road where there are no other houses in view, or people walking or driving by so accidental exposure to others is unlikely.

I have discovered that walking around with one's caged cock hanging out in the open is somewhat 'humbling' and induces something of an altered attitude...and it isn't very easy to have an argument with your wife in that state. As well, and more to the point, being so exposed makes it so that neither of us can forget that my (her) cock is locked for her and available for her to tease or torment easily any time she wishes to do so...which turns out to be fairly often when it is so easily available.

[Tom Allen]

I have discovered that walking around with one's caged cock hanging out in the open is somewhat 'humbling' and induces something of an altered attitude...and it isn't very easy to have an argument with your wife in that state.

And here's another example of how people can perceive things so differently. There was a period when Mrs Edge wanted me to be similarly displayed, but walking around with just my CB3k made me feel rather masculine and manly. Why? Because in our own paradigm, she was locking up an essentially manly part of me for her use, the way one might cage an untamed beast.

Rawwrr!

[Edgewood]

and it isn't very easy to have an argument with your wife in that state

This brings up an interesting issue and one that has derailed my interest in chastity from time to time. When real life hits I feel pretty stupid and foolish with all of the time and energy I've spent pursuing chastity—instead of focusing on "more important" things. What I'm telling myself this time around is that it's not an investment in a ramped up sexual state, but an investment in our relationship. If I do it right hopefully that's exactly what it will be.