Used to be a game, now she's serious

[lockedbywife]

So to follow up on the last few days, I guess subsequent to my last post I can say that after the initial tension she took the feedback well. She does want to understand me and she does want to fulfill my fantasies. But it's kind of tough when I've historically been the one presenting those fantasies and she would probably admit that her interest in sex was always pretty vanilla up until the evolution of our relationship. So if I didn't "top from the bottom" a little bit nothing would've really gone anywhere. I think we're very slowly getting away from that, but she needs to decide how she wants to top. We speak openly about it and to this point she has sought my input. Even if I am dictating the action a little bit, the interaction has been healthy, and often times I get carried away in my fantasies and get myself into more of a predicament than I should.

Thursday night was pretty brutal for me. This was immediately after some of the drama and she pretty much made me pay the price for it. I ended up bound to the bed again and was teased and denied much of the evening, left once again bound uncomfortably to the bed and getting very inconsistent sleep.

Friday we were out with friends very late and there was really no sexual interaction. We got home extremely late and went to bed.

Saturday though was a crazy day. After waking up after a short amount of time she cuffed me down and basically spent more than 8 hours toying with me every chance she could. She rode me, hopped off, went and got caught up on some chores, then came back and repeated. There were stretches of an hour and a half where she just left me and went on with her day without a care in the world and intentionally played porn on the bedroom TV for me to deal with while she was gone. I could hear her cooking downstairs, watching TV or a movie, doing general chores, etc. In the middle of all that she came back to humiliate me in a variety of ways every chance she could, and got pretty nasty about it. I'll spare the details of that as some of it probably wouldn't fall in line with what a lot of people are into. But basically I was uncomfortable, tortured, begged to be let go off and on and she coldly shut me down. She didn't even let me eat and flaunted the fact that she cooked a nice breakfast and lunch for herself. However, late in the day as the sun was just about setting, she rode me yet again and after being edged the entire day I warned her she was kind of playing with fire. She has always really enjoyed riding me more than a toy and in this case pushed it too far. I did come inside her, long enough to get two or three good pumps before she realized what was happening and hopped off. I really couldn't have held it at that point even if I wanted to and she did make me really desperate after a while.

We went out to dinner about an hour after that and it was weird. She was kind of disappointed in herself, as in the past when she did decide to let me orgasm it was planned and she really enjoyed the moment. It wasn't like that this time, and on top of that we both quickly realized that all of a sudden, our dinner was boring. We went out for dinner the week before and had a lot of exciting conversation about when she might let me free, how much she was enjoying the control, etc. There was a general tension, an understanding of the control she had and my building frustration. Suddenly it was all gone. To me it was kind of a relief. In the past, it would've been to her as well, but strangely enough, not this time.

In any past situation where I reached orgasm after a period in chastity, we were generally done for a while. It was kind of like Christmas because I knew I could go back to masturbating any time I wanted and I sort of made up for lost time. I really figured it was going to be the same here. Sunday comes around and she tells me, being 100% sincere, that she's decided she wants to give me one good orgasm and then I'm going right back to chastity. This was a little unexpected and I hadn't had any chance to have any other orgasms yet. So early evening we head to the bedroom and proceed to have what I think is normal sex for the first time in a long time. Middle of the way through a smile crosses her face, she cuffs me to the bed again and I think this is kind of unusual. She pretty much begs me to come inside her and just as I'm about to, she hops off, says hell no, and pretty much told me my next orgasm is more than a month away (and the way she's been talking I wonder if it'll even be an enjoyable orgasm). This was a last second change of heart for her, it definitely wasn't planned that way when we started as I truly believe she originally intended to ride me to completion.

Right now, she's talking like she wants the control, almost going so far as to suggest that she wants control over all of my orgasms going forward. I'll admit I kind of miss being able to masturbate to porn or something on my own and in the current situation now suddenly I'm not sure when I'll next be able to do that. The uncertainty is no doubt exciting. I wonder if we really are starting to transition from a situation where I'm "topping from the bottom" to a situation where she is running with it on her own. Time will tell, but I can definitely see a lot more stubbornness in how much slack she gives me. Just can't talk her out of things the way I used to.

I'm about to go to bed now on Monday evening, and she's had me in chastity all day since I got home. Very little interaction today and she doesn't really care. This is just how it's going to be I guess sometimes.

For what it's worth, in the coming week I'm going to let her read this entire thread, positive and negative feedback and all. I figure whatever perspectives others have, she may as well see it and decide for herself in which direction she wants to proceed. She's probably lacked her own creativity to this point in most cases and I know she's interested in the thoughts of a community like this just as I am. Regardless, even to this point I do think that the back and forth between her and I has been an amazing boost to our sex lives, even if we don't approach this in exactly the same way as some of the rest of the folks here.

Thanks as always for all the feedback.

[slave d]

Sorry but i for one find this confusing and bizarre to say the least. i wish you both all the best but i'm simply confused.

d

[lockedbywife]

I mean that's fine I guess. I don't quite understand the need to respond to everything with "sorry but" however. There are couples all over the world with different interactions, kinks, etc. Most of them aren't going to align with your lifestyle, right? I'm not sure if you're intending to be dismissive but virtually every post you've made has basically told me how it should be, when I'm telling how it is and where we're trying to go. If I'm this far off base from what you're used to, what's the value in responding? I'm more than happy to let the thread die if everybody here just basically says you know what, this guy's situation doesn't belong here.

Genuinely, I'm not trying to be confrontational but the thing I find confusing is why we have to keep following this pattern. I don't expect your relationship to be the same as mine in any way whatsoever and in most ways, yes we're kind of newbs. That doesn't in any way invalidate what's happening for us or where we're trying to go.

The frustration in my response comes from what should be an obvious place. Every detail I pour out here, anonymous or not, is incredibly personal and much of it has been an intense experience for us. If nothing else I've come away with some helpful suggestions on some side subjects like bondage approaches. But really, I wish you all the best as well but you couldn't have made it more clear that our experiences don't overlap much if at all.

[reeve]

I have no idea of how it would feel to not orgasm a whole month, but I can imagine I'd also feel really frustrated! lol

You could ask her what her plan is with you. Is she gonna let you orgasm sometimes or does she want full abstinance of orgasms. You could tell her that you'd prefer an orgasm once in a while to keep on enjoying this game/lifestyle together.

Also, you could ask her if she could milk your prostate with a vibrator, dildo or strapon.
I've noticed that when I'm really horny it gives some relieve of pressure.
I haven't been able to really get some sperm out of it, but it felt good.

Let me know if you talked about it with her and what she said!
I'm really curious and kind of jalous that I don't have such a serious keyholder!

[TwistedMister]

Yep i'm afraid the only thing that comes to mind for me is "topping from the bottom". Time for you to realise this had nothing to do with what "you" want in the end !! i think many KeyHolders would simply leave you unlocked and tell you to do whatever you want but not to bother Them with it !!! i really think you're rushing into this and you're very likely to put your KeyHolder totally off the idea if you don't get down off your your high horse !!! This isn't about you !!!!

I disagree. It *is* about *both*. Both partners need to get something out of this for it to work. We don't all go about this in the same way, and that's OK. What works for some may not work for others and we all need to find what works for us. Some guys may be fine with a 100% hands-off, no input, take whatever comes approach and that may be what works for them, but others (such as myself) have certain ideas about what we would like to see in order to make it work for us and that's OK too. We all have different wants and needs. In time, those wants and needs may change and require the partners to adopt a new strategy that works for them.

We all also have different levels of information and experience, and there is often a mis-match in these levels between partners. It takes time, communication, education and experience to arrive at a balance that provides both partners with what they need/want from the 'chastity' experience, and sometimes compromises may need to be made in order to satisfy the wants and needs of each.

As a matter of fact I'd have been willing to bet a pretty large sum somebody would have thrown the "topping from the bottom" term out there. And that's fine, I'll even admit that's what's happening on some level. Being frank, had I not at least taken that tack at some point, she'd have never opened up to the ideas of domination or chastity in the first place. She wouldn't have discovered this on her own, and especially not to the level at which I eventually wanted to take it. The real challenge is getting to that point AND having her enjoy it at the same time. In a weird kind of way I think we're actually getting there. A lot has happened over the past several days and I'll follow up with some further details shortly. Now that we've reached the place we have, we still have a long way to go and that's part of the excitement.

This is not surprising to me, and personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, especially in the beginning of this sort of thing (contrary to what some others might say). It takes time and experience to discover what works for you and her. From time to time I have written out some scenarios and encouraged Mrs. Twisted to follow them [as closely as she felt comfortable with doing], and this has allowed us to make additional discoveries about things that turn us on and just how much they *do* turn us on. Without this, we would be stuck in a sort of 'limbo'- me wishing that certain things might happen and her never knowing that some things she wouldn't have thought of do, in fact, turn her on and that she enjoys doing them.

We got into a semi-heated war of words and I definitely got my point across. She kept saying she didn't care and she could do whatever she feels like doing, which may be true. However, a mere promise not to orgasm isn't going to cut it for me. If we're going to be that lax this won't be an exciting experience. I need a little more to truly get the sense she's in control and wants to be in control, and that this isn't just a game I'm playing with myself.

Maybe I'm just being a whiny little bitch, but I told her I felt like we were about done and just didn't feel like she was as convincing about her drive to do this any more. On some level that was a challenge, but truly if she's not then we need to wrap this up because my mind is on how backed up I am every day and something has to happen.

She held strong through all that, cuffed me down and messed with me for a bit after all that tension, then put the device on me. Today she made it pretty clear today that the device needed to be on and to her credit she refuses to give up on it at this point, and continues to threaten a long period of frustration for me. I guess I'm just not sure if I believe her any more the day I did only a week or two ago. Time will tell.

Sounds like you like 'playing with fire', with the risk of getting burned, goading her into actions that you may or may not 'like'. I'd have to confess to doing something similar myself, occasionally. I get a kick out of taking risks (not just sexually), where there is a danger that the results could be (and sometimes have been) extremely...unpleasant. FemDom/chastity play [for me] provides a similar excitement and exhilaration, though [usually] with much less danger to life and limb.

Sorry but i for one find this confusing and bizarre to say the least. i wish you both all the best but i'm simply confused.

'Bizarre' may be a [subjective] matter of taste and opinion, but I find nothing confusing about this at all. They are experimenting and learning in their own way. They have to find out what works for them *somehow*. Who are we to judge whether it is 'right' or 'wrong'? You may feel that the 'correct' way to implement this sort of game/relationship/lifestyle( ) is to simply abdicate all of your own desires in favor of those of your partner and perhaps it *is*- for *you*. It is not the same for me, and not necessarily the same for anyone else.

[ChastizedRob]

I have no problem believing all this is true! My wife and I had similar adventure and now she only gives me one real O per month (12 per year). I don't think she will every deny me more but then I never thought we'd get to this point. She says just on real O for me per month is just about right as it keeps me on my best behavior and I'd have to probably agree with her.

She does let me have some ruined Os inside her but I better stay hard to prove it was ruined or else it will be a very long time before she allows me another ruined one. Being inside her and settling for a ruined O still allows me great pleasure even without a real O. No matter real or ruined she always sits on my face after to clean her up and after a couple of years of this even that becomes very enjoyable, Rob

[Sonicmerlin1]

If you want her to be more consistent, you should really try wearing the cage to work. First you demonstrate your commitment, and she'll follow. It also takes away the issue of her having to nag you every day you come back from work to put it on.

That 8 hour thing sounds amazing, but it's like the flame of a candle just before it burns out.

[slave d]

If I'm this far off base from what you're used to, what's the value in responding?

Fair call, i'll just be quiet and leave you to it.

d

[lockedbywife]

You are trying to get her to play the way you think she should play. If you want her to dominate, then let her do it. First of all, you need to do more to help. Start wearing the device 24 hours a day. You don't state a reason for not wearing it to work, unless I missed it. And get a device you cannot get out of. Get a pa if you have to. And maybe you could draw up a contract to take some of the decision making away from her. She may not feel like playing the chastity game everyday, but if you are locked up 24 hours a day, then you are playing the game all the time.

I didn't mean to gloss over this post. I provided a brief response but definitely want to make it clear ptharv that I appreciate all your insight. The level to which you have been able to take your experience is something I truly aspire to. I don't know if we'll ever be able to get all the way there. I'm just not sure if either one of us are ready at this stage to jump to that level of commitment. One thing my wife would have to get over is wanting to have actual sex with me so often. She goes for toys often enough, but nothing seems to replace the real thing for her and realistically she's going to have to pull back on that a bit going forward if we don't want another "accident". As far as letting her dominate, she's getting there, but in a lot of ways she's still kind of experimenting on how best to do that. Her confidence is growing though and I'm encouraged and a little intimidated by what I see lately.

If you want her to be more consistent, you should really try wearing the cage to work. First you demonstrate your commitment, and she'll follow. It also takes away the issue of her having to nag you every day you come back from work to put it on.

As I mentioned in a previous post in response to ptharv, I definitely don't think I could wear it 24/7 as I'm out and about an awful lot and especially when it comes to sports, I just can't see diving for a ball or something and having to deal with that, let alone how it might look through the clothes. As far as wearing to work, that freaks me out a bit too. Sure it's not like anybody's looking for it, but I already struggle with how my package looks even without a device. Not that I'm particularly well endowed necessarily but definitely have larger than average testicles and I do worry about what it would look like to have the device on top of that. I have a professional type job that does involve occasional interaction with executive level. The idea of somebody noticing or even the odd chance that there's an emergency and I need to get out of it kind of spooks me. Maybe I'm overreacting. I guess I can experiment with how it would look. Even something as simple as using the urinal I probably couldn't do any more. It would be a hell of an adjustment.

That 8 hour thing sounds amazing, but it's like the flame of a candle just before it burns out.

I'll admit, I find these really exciting. Time is a commodity as we live busy lives. On the rare occasion I know we have a day wide open and no real plans, I can't help but fantasize about what might happen. I dream big, and she knows this. It really would've worked out just fine but she pushed me just a little too far this past weekend. Few things turn me on as much though as the helpless feeling of having her controlling my freedom and tormenting for an entire day. It's very intense.

[lockedbywife]

I have no idea of how it would feel to not orgasm a whole month, but I can imagine I'd also feel really frustrated! lol

A month is the longest I've gone. If there's a lot of teasing it's unbearable. I could feel the ache during a normal work day even if not aroused. If there isn't as much teasing, it's a little more bearable.

You could ask her what her plan is with you. Is she gonna let you orgasm sometimes or does she want full abstinance of orgasms. You could tell her that you'd prefer an orgasm once in a while to keep on enjoying this game/lifestyle together.

I'm actually completely open to whatever she wants to do here. The fantasy when I'm just left to think about it of course is for her to push it to the extreme and not give me anything. The reality when she's teasing me to near tears is I want an orgasm badly. In reality, I know that when we originally started back up with this she was going to let me orgasm only when she needed the sperm lol (we plan on trying for kids soon). There's even been some creative talk though that she might be able to get what she needs without enjoying my orgasm. Even the prospect of her using me that way is sexy to think about.

Also, you could ask her if she could milk your prostate with a vibrator, dildo or strapon.
I've noticed that when I'm really horny it gives some relieve of pressure.
I haven't been able to really get some sperm out of it, but it felt good.

This is something I've never experienced, and although I wouldn't put it on a list of absolute no-no's, it's close! Maybe this is in the cards at some point, especially if we do pursue prolonged chastity/denial.

Let me know if you talked about it with her and what she said!
I'm really curious and kind of jalous that I don't have such a serious keyholder!

We talk all the time so if anything notable comes out of those conversations I'll be sure to share. I have my hands full already so I'm going to try not to give her too many more ideas. Clearly I've already provided plenty. I may just let her take the ball and run with it and see where we end up now.