My husband gave up on chastity

[KH jetzs]

I cannot go from being the Queen to being a highly educated servant that gets credit for no intelligenge and has no accomplishments. I cannot return to the way it was. Has anyone experienced this?

He says I am too serious about it, I think I am assertive. If I am to be dominate I must assert my opinions. It is really sad. Either I am not his ideal key holder or he doesn't like chastity anymore.

[Dannyboy]

This is a difficult one. I think there are two ways you can play this. First of you haven't already sit down with him. Have an open and honest discussion to find out exactly what the issue is. It may not be as simple as your to serious about it but could be down to one or two things you specifically do.

You can either change the way you play the game and remove those elements he dosnt like or you could say to him that he will do what he is told and will continue to wear the device. He could be saying he's not happy but will continue if told to do so. Although I think the first option of changing how things are done are more realistic.

He may not know him self exactly what the problem is so listen and suggest to try to work things out. It may be a case of going back to basics. Limited lock up times and working from there.

After all is said and done and he still doesn't want to play you will have to accept that but you may find in the not to distant future he may find himself wanting to give it a go. All the best. I'm sure people will have other ideas on what to do. Just don't let anything threaten your relationship.

[chastehub]

Either I am not his ideal key holder or he doesn't like chastity anymore.

i was looking back at your posts to determine who introduced male chastity into your relationship, and i wasn't able to figure that out. Usually it is the guy, so i'm assuming it was him.

Although the fantasy of MC can be very appealing to us guys, living out that fantasy is difficult. So while he may have introduced MC, asked you to be assertive -- which it sounds like you're doing -- and started to be more attentive toward you, he may be finding the reality is a lot of work and doesn't match up with his fantasy.

One thing MyBride and i have struggled with is teasing. For me, sexual teasing fills my tank with the rocket fuel that powers my submissive brain. Although i'm locked up and cannot have sex, MC is all about sex: sexual tension and sexual energy. i wanted MyBride to tease me more, but she struggles with teasing; she thinks it is mean. As a result, over time the lack of sexual attention (not a teasing touch or playful word all day...sometimes for many days in a row) made me start to feel she didn't appreciate all the things i was going through when locked up (wearing clothes that conceal, sitting to pee, hygiene, etc.) and i started to feel neglected. And my submissive brain wasn't getting the fuel it needed to power putting her first in everything, which caused me to be less thoughtful and less motivated to serve. So although she thought she is giving me what i wanted by being more assertive, and she was enjoying the benefits of me putting her first in everything, without teasing the sexual energy that fueled the whole thing started to drain. And when i asked her to tease me more she became uncomfortable because that is difficult for her, and she got defensive. It became a vicious circle.

MyBride is doing better in the teasing department, and i'm also working hard on patience and realizing i don't get to tell her when, or how often, or even how to tease me (which would be topping from the bottom). i plan to talk with her about a regular (monthly?) "how is it going" checkpoint where we can talk about what is going well, and what adjustments we would like to make, with the understanding that she still gets the final word.

i don't know if that is at all what you two might be dealing with, but it was a big issue for us. The fact you don't know if he isn't happy with you as a keyholder, or has lost interest in male chastity, indicates a discussion is much needed.

i wish you the best and hope you're able to clear the air! i believe the benefits of chastity on a marriage are worth the effort.

[Linus]

He says I am too serious about it, I think I am assertive. If I am to be dominate I must assert my opinions. It is really sad. Either I am not his ideal key holder or he doesn't like chastity any more.

1. The fact that till recently he enjoyed chastity indicates that it is not forced upon him. He's voluntarily handed over his control to you. Now you should not let go this control.
2. Now you have to be far more more dominant and simply reject unlocking him under any circumstances. Who knows, he must be expecting this from you!
3. A few months back I had posted the topic "do people quit chastity forever?" And not a single reply was positive.
4. All I want to say is that if you've locked him up & there is no T&D, then he might have got neglected & hence bored. Chastity is not "lock it & forget it". You have to frequently make him feel (by your actions, T&D, etc) that he's locked & you have his control.
5. Do whatever you can, but do not let go the control that you have acquired of him.
By the way, a few months back I told my wife that I want to quit chastity. You know what was her reaction? She was furious! She said, the day I quit chastity, our marriage is over! She did not release me for the next one month as a reward for proposing to quit. I don't think I'll ever dream about quitting!!
All the best!!

[Tom Allen]

This entire comment is filled with good insights, but here's something I wanted to touch on:

MyBride is doing better in the teasing department, and i'm also working hard on patience and realizing i don't get to tell her when, or how often, or even how to tease me (which would be topping from the bottom). i plan to talk with her about a regular (monthly?) "how is it going" checkpoint where we can talk about what is going well, and what adjustments we would like to make, with the understanding that she still gets the final word.

i don't know if that is at all what you two might be dealing with, but it was a big issue for us. The fact you don't know if he isn't happy with you as a keyholder, or has lost interest in male chastity, indicates a discussion is much needed.

IMO, monthly isn't enough. When Mrs. Edge and I first started, we had a *weekly* discussion about what was working and what wasn't. And this really helped me, because even if the teasing and sexual interest wasn't there (work, kids, social life, etc.), I found that the weekly check-ins were enough to refuel (using chastehub's term) and keep it interesting for me.

A lot of guys worry that you're only doing it for them and not getting anything out of it yourself - or they aren't clear on what you get out of it. Mrs. Edge and I get different things out of it, but frequent check-ins made sure that we were both still getting something, and it helped to reassure me that whatever it was that she was getting was enough to make her want to keep going, which in turn helped keep my own interest level up.

It's easy to get discouraged because at first, this just seems like a simple, sexy game - like blindfolds or silk scarves. But there's an undercurrent of... something else for the men that is hard to define.

Maybe the both of you can sit down separately and write a list of what each of you currently get out of it, and what you would hope to get out of it in the future, and then compare lists when you're not in the middle of sexxy time.

[coffee2sugars]

I think your marriage is more important than chastity play. I am sure it plays a massive part in you relationship but it should never become a threat to it.

From my perspective what you need is short break. Show him you still respect him (not implying that you didn't) more just reasure him you still do.

Talk to him. Figure out what aspects were not working and see if you both can come to a compramise. We all need to step back at some point and sure you can work on this without loosing each other or your possition as his keyholder.

Good luck. Watching this with interest.

[locked4her55]

Some really good advice given here. Communication is key and I liked Tom's suggestion of writing things down, and for the quick repair I would do it each week.

There was a time a while back when things were getting a bit off track and it was my wife that brought it to my attention. I had no idea I was straying. I have since corrected the problem and have asked my wife to let me know if it happens again.

Bottom line is Chastity isn't a one way street. Both parties need to get something out of this. He needs to find out what turns you on and exploit it as you will need to do the same to him.

Here is an example of one thing that works for us. I never really liked rubbing my wife's feet. For 20+ years we would sit on the loveseat at night and watch TV. Once or twice a week it would come up. "Honey, if I gave you some lotion would you rub my feet". Well after time she just gave up on asking because she knew I didn't like doing it. Now enter Chastity. Since then we are communicating more openly and I have learned just how important having her feet rubbed is to her. Now several times a week I get handed the lotion and told "It's time to rub my feet". I do so without a complaint and have actually developed a bit of a foot fetish. The benefit for me is my wife has exclaimed "you keep rubbing my feet like that and I'm never taking that thing off"

Find those kind of things that would work for the both of you.

Best of luck

[KH jetzs]

Last December my husband saw an article about chastiy and mentioned it to me. I thought he wanted it as a toy so I ordered one. When he opened it he got this horrible look on his face and the quickly went and put it on. He was so excited that I had thought of it. He wanted to be in chastity so bad and so he ordered a custom mm queens keep.

So for a couple months before he gets his custom device we are adjusting to the role reversal. Before he was always in charge of everthing (though for practical purposes I really was). I could never say anything that he would agree with even though I am intelligent and have a Ph.D. This all changed the day he got the first device I ordered in the mail. And it was automatic--no instruction needed! A weight was lifted off of me and I felt free.

Right before he decided to quit, I asked him to do something simple and he gave me a lame excuse. I give him a look like that is unacceptable and then he refused to do what I asked. I did not think that was appropriate for him so I asked him to write an apology in an email. In the past after he wrote the email that was the end of it. He had said several times that I am too serious. He said he hated writing the emails even though they were only 2 or 3 sentences. I think it is an excuse.

The other thing he has said is that he thinks it may be affecting his libido in a negative way. He was so excited at first that doesn't seem logical. He seemed to get bored of the teasing even though I tried new and different things. I have read books and scoured message boards and spent a lot of time trying to do it right. And we have talked about all this stuff I have learned.

I am not a mean KH. However, I do expect respect and small gestures when that respect is violated. I cannot go back to being the girl that can never do right.

[hiskh]

I am so sad that this has happened in your relationship. This lifestyle is supposed to be fun, isn't it?
And good for the relationship?
Let me say that we are both highly educated and opinionated. We disagree a lot, but that goes with our educations and opinions. It doesn't mean we aren't getting along or that we are fighting. We have been married 29 years. I can't imagine my intelligence not being appreciated!
I think the two of you need to talk and be very honest. I think this isn't really a chastity issue but a respect for your mind issue.
I sure do hope you can work it out and return to the fun aspect of this lifestyle.

[LockedUp24]

Not much extra advice i can offer as im feeling a little like the description that chastehub described.

I asked my KH what if i did not wish to continue and her answer was very simple "Were not going to quit im enjoying myself too much"

So we have had a chat..and its still ongoing.