I just gotta say... the "assumptions" get really old

[fuzzydunlop]

tcs wrote:
I love chastity and orgasm denial, but suspect a great many people would find it tedious, even those that don't associate with cuckolding, sissy, bi, or other "unmanly" activities. And that's a point that I ponder, why are all the "manly" chaste men so sensitive about cuckolding, sissy and bi activities?


I can't speak to why other men are so sensitive to it. I'm sensitive to it for a few reasons, most importantly is that I find it prejudiced that so many people try to label and pigeon hole me in a place where I don't fit. I don't have any issue with sissies or bi-men, or cuckolds, etc. In fact, I have many friends who fit those interests and groups. Its just not me, and I would prefer if people didn't automatically assume because of A, B is automatically the case.

I think some of this gets back to the issue of "how much does partaking in any particular sex act (or wanting to) say about one's identity in the first place?" If I have a certain kink, how much does that actually say about me as a person? Personally, I think it says I have somewhat specific and exotic sexual tastes, but doesn't by itself make me much different than anyone else. Does dressing like a sissy every once in a while make a person a sissy by identity? Does participating in an MFM scenario with elements of power exchange make a person "bi" or a "cuckold" by identity? I appreciate that these are very personal questions for all of us, but for me, being kinky is one aspect of my identity, and any specific sex act or taste never puts me in a box in the first place.

The other thought I have---if another person really has any interest in chastity games at all and has any empathy at all---how long should it really take them to get over any "assumptions" they might have, really?

It's hard to match up an partner up with others when one has tastes that are "out there" compared to what we know about most other people, so I get that. I'm now at the middle part of my life, so I'm trying harder to not worry as much when people don't get me.

[Ringo]

I'm just an ordinary fella long-time married to a lovely lady. We both get a great deal from having me denied and sometimes locked. It has greatly enhanced our sex life for some years.

I would like to introduce my wife to this forum because I think we could learn from others, and maybe share a lot of our fun and pleasure.

But I am very wary - 'sensitive' perhaps - to the thought that she would be put off the whole idea if she got the impression that male chastity was naturally equated with cuckolding or me dressing up in bra and panties. I'm no macho man, but frankly, with my beard, hairy chest and hairy legs I'd look a real wassock - and I know my wife wouldn't be able to stop laughing.

No, that really is not for us.

On the whole I think this forum does a pretty good balancing act - that's why I have just signed up.

[Aarkey]

I'm just an ordinary fella long-time married to a lovely lady. I am very wary - 'sensitive' perhaps - to the thought that she would be put off the whole idea if she got the impression that male chastity was naturally equated with cuckolding or me dressing up in bra and panties... On the whole I think this forum does a pretty good balancing act - that's why I have just signed up.

Welcome aboard Ringo. There are definitely sites which are far further "down the rabbit hole" with regards to kink, and I too am glad this isn't one of them. Having a venue where we can share and learn and grow and explore without feeling pre-judged or pressured - is a real blessing.

[fuzzydunlop]

I'm just an ordinary fella long-time married to a lovely lady. We both get a great deal from having me denied and sometimes locked. It has greatly enhanced our sex life for some years.

I would like to introduce my wife to this forum because I think we could learn from others, and maybe share a lot of our fun and pleasure.

But I am very wary - 'sensitive' perhaps - to the thought that she would be put off the whole idea if she got the impression that male chastity was naturally equated with cuckolding or me dressing up in bra and panties. I'm no macho man, but frankly, with my beard, hairy chest and hairy legs I'd look a real wassock - and I know my wife wouldn't be able to stop laughing.

No, that really is not for us.

On the whole I think this forum does a pretty good balancing act - that's why I have just signed up.

Some oridinary fellas like wearing panties. Some ordinary fells like wearing metal cages on their junk. Some ordinary fellas like wearing panties while wearing metal cages on their junk.

Also, just like having a chastity fetish doesn't mean or not mean you are into any specific other kink, having a Xdressing fetish doesn't necessarily mean you want to go around in full drag all the time. Somewhere, there is a pantyboy blogging about how he hopes his wife doesn't think he wants to run around in full drag and be a cuckold. I totally get not wanting to freak out your partner. But believe or not, some women might find a mild underwear fetish less of a pain in the ass than chastity devices. That is true with my wife, honestly. If you a your wife have a good relationship, your mutually empathy will help you find what you both like and can live with regardless of what others are into.

Regarding balance, I like this website because it generally gets into what real couples do together versus heavy fantasy. I like the heavy fantasy some of the time, but it isn't always helpful with day to day life. A lot of real couples have broad kinky tastes and try different things. I don't necessarily view any other kink as being farther out there. It all depends on what you like and what fits into your relationship.

[Aarkey]

Some oridinary fellas like wearing panties. Some ordinary fells like wearing metal cages on their junk. Some ordinary fellas like wearing panties while wearing metal cages on their junk.

Regarding balance, I like this website because it generally gets into what real couples do together versus heavy fantasy.

I think the fact that we're all "ordinary" folks, and sharing in reality (not fantasy) is a big part of what's great about this forum. So many chastity forums are full of people who are less interested in reality and more interested in fantasy, it can make learning about chastity or sharing about your reality a daunting experience.

But there's always a balance to it. What is ordinary is something that we each have to define for ourselves. Here, its a chastity forum, one would hopefully find people who don't judge us for our interest in chastity. The further outside that "norm" here, the more people might think its not ordinary. Regardless of how ordinary you think it is. I have a lot of interests that are considered kinky, but here I pretty much stick to talking about chastity, since that's what this forum is about.

Fortunately the internet is a big place, and there's room for everyone somewhere, regardless of what your things may be. But if you come to a cat forum and start talking about your dog, and get upset that some people think you're weird - that's your own error, IMO. Or talk about your ferret, or sugar glider... or your interest in wearing a metal cage on your privates. Its probably best to stick to talking about cats, it is a cat forum after all

[locked4her55]

I think the fact that we're all "ordinary" folks, and sharing in reality (not fantasy) is a big part of what's great about this forum.

Agree

I also love a good story and we do have a place for that here called "Fiction". Funny tho, you don't see a whole lot of postings there.

Just goes to show you "that we're all "ordinary" folks, and sharing in reality"

[Sub_Hub]

I am new to a chastity forum and am only becoming aware of this now. I can guess where this comes from because, at first, chastity was just a side thing to our D/S play as it probably is for all those other things you mentioned. However people fail to realize that chastity is a thing unto itself. I ran into the same thing when we started reading about a wife led marriage which we had before we even knew it was called that. Many sites made it sound like my wife was supposed to become a dominatrix and cuckold me. We did not know we were doing it all wrong.

[SoulsDesire]

I really liked this thread. As a gay male and recently given control of my cock and orgasms over to my husband (we are into D/s), I am grateful to find not all think that chastity means sissifying or never cumming again. That's not what this is for me. It is about him controlling when and if I do. I have been in one device or another for 10 days now, I have cum once and we have had sex a few times. Meaning I am frustrated LOL.

I struggled with wanting to do this because of the extreme things I found online of men wanting to feel like they are nothing and their dicks are worthless. I don't feel that way. My Dom likes to see me cum, but likes to say when I do. Thanks for this conversaiton!

[Michele]

SoulsDesire, I get it, when we first started out I was looking around and finding all kinds of stuff I was NOT into and getting nervous. Then I found this whole other REAL side to chastity, that isn't about all the other kinks. Charity is its own animal! And a super fun one at that! Glad you're enjoying yourself.

[SunLocked]

Charity is its own animal!

I love this autocorrect! It's so true... Which reminds me of a very erotic story by Alison Tyler called "Autocorrect This". Or read here by Violet Blue. But sorry, this story has nothing to to with Chastity or even Charity)...